I figured out the problem. I know the solution

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I’ve had some serious fucked up days. I think I’ve stabilized. I went to the hospital for the 4th time this year. I’m okay now.

I have been fighting to figure out what I want. I want to make the world a better place. I dug deep, going into the depths of philosophy, music, prison, slavery, among other things.

We do not know what we want, because we have lost the need to live.

Pythagoras was wrong. A² + B² = C^2 is wrong. I have a formula that approaches it from two different prospective that align at that specific formula. It is looking at a 4-D image, and only seeing a 2D crossplane.

I have also formed perfect pitch, by listening to strictly acoustical performances based on the same fundamental.

What do the Blues and the Beethoven have in common?






Count the space in between each work. 3, 4…. ……5

Beethoven 5

There are many implications to how this works, and I am working on developing those theories into building tools that are easy to use and understand.

I am using my dog as my experiment and am finding incredible results.

We must bring forth the Era of a Harmonic world.

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I am in an abusive relationship.

I don’t know who to talk to.

I don’t know who to reach out to.

I am in an abusive relationship, and I can’t get out.

She wanted me to pay off all my debt so that we can get married.

I sold my professional instrument. I sold my car. I paid off my debt.

Due to health issues, I stay at home, take care of the house and the animals while she is at work. I take classes, pursue hobbies, and focus on my research.

After paying the debt, she started asking me to pay for other things, including: human food, pet food, pet vet bills, contractors for the house, an Airbnb in LA, and other things.

I am in an abusive relationship. I can’t get out. I don’t know who to turn to.

Because I had money, she asks me to use it.

I have been denied unemployment and disability. I am not able to find a job that does not prevent me from taking care of the house and animals without her getting upset.

She keeps promising that things will change and that she loves me, so I keep trusting her.

I am not able to leave, because I do not have the financial ability to leave in a safe way.

So I try to do enough to where she will stop abusing me.

Regardless of what I do however, she does not stop. She will not stop taking her frustrations out at me. She will not stop violating my space. She will continue saying things that she is doing with expectations that I do something that was not stated. When I tell her of my pain, she will not accept that what she is doing is hurtful to me.

I am in an abusive relationship. I can’t get out. I don’t know who to turn to. I need help.

She tells me how I feel. I tell her how I feel. She does not believe me. She asks me what I want to do. I tell her what I want to do. She will then do things that prevent me from doing what I want to do. She will then ask if I want her to leave.

If I say no, she sits there and watches me. If I say yes, she ignores me and watches me, upset.

The more I do, the more she expects from me. When those expectations aren’t met, I am punished. As expectations grow, so does the punishment. When I try to share my feelings, I am told what I actually am feeling. When I try and to calmly express that I am hurting, and explain why I’m hurting, she cries and yells abuse. She cries and yells until I push all of my feelings away and give her the emotional supports she wants. She calms down.

My feelings will then not be addressed unless I bring it up again.

If I bring it up again, she says that it had already been resolved. The reason was that I stopped talking about it. She is now upset that I brought this up again.

I barely have ownership of anything. She violates every boundary I have tried to put up. She will just bust in and expect me to be ready and prepared for her. There is no warning.

She will tell me that i’m doing good. I will accomplish tasks and confirm that I did things well. At no point does she say that I did anything wrong. I ask if there’s anything I can do better, and she says no. I ask if there’s any other tasks I can accomplish? She says no.

She will then yell at me and tell me how I am the reason for all of her problems. She will tell me how she’s struggling to pay bills. She says that she’s struggling to keep up. She says that I do not contribute enough.

When I provide examples of all of the things that I have been doing and things I am working on, she does not believe that it is enough.

I am in an abusive relationship. I can’t get out. I don’t know who to turn to. I need help. I need a way out.

Yesterday, I told her that I do not feel safe, that I do not trust her, and that I want to move out. She did not believe me. She said that we can talk about it when she comes home.

I tell her that I want to talk and that I will cancel the airbnb. She does not believe me. I cancel the airbnb.

She came home from work shortly after. We met with our therapist. It was supposed to be a solo session with her. She wanted me to come with her. I told her I did not feel comfortable. She demanded that I come. The therapist asked what was going on.

I told her I do not feel safe, I do not trust her, and that I want to move out.

I was then dismissed and they continued on.

Since then she has stayed home from work. She has never touched me more now than she ever has before. I do not like it. I do not feel safe. When I ask why, she says that she cares and she’s making changes.

She tells me to do things that I normally do by myself. She has never asked me to do this before. She wants to do them with me so that she can watch me.

She told me to stretch. To stretch like I normally stretch.

I’m crying, I’m shaking.

I told her I do not want to do this. I do not feel safe. She continues to insist. I do not want to do this. She does not cancel the order.

So I got naked on the floor and opened my body to the world.

She didn’t say anything. She just watched as I cried shaking on the floor naked. There was no acknowledgement of the situation. There was nothing but silence. I put my clothes back on and sat on the floor next to her on the couch.

She then gives me food. She asks how it is. She says that she had to change the recipe. I look and see that we were out of spinach. I should have ordered spinach earlier.

She says she made it for me because she loves me. She said that she’s doing what she’s doing because she cares. When I tell her that it is good, she thanks me for the compliment.

I told her I do not feel safe, I do not trust her, and that I want to move out.

Her response was that I should be sent to a psych ward.

I do not know what to do. I do not know who to talk to. A suicide attempt ended in a hospitalization. At the hospital, I told the staff that I am in an abusive relationship. She said that I was in psychosis. I was tied down by the police and tranquilized.

Everyone I reach out to either does not respond, or refers me to another person.

I am in an abusive relationship, and I do not know how to get out.

I have a disability. Covid destroyed both my industry and my physical ability to perform at a professional level. I have been and am capable of financial stability. I have been denied state and federal monetary benefits including disability and unemployment.

I am in an abusive relationship. I need to find a way out.

I do not know what to do. I do not know who to reach out to. Nobody believes that I am capable, and they do not believe that what I have done in the past is credible.

I do not want to kill myself. I do not want to by tied down by police and tranquilized. I just want a place where I can focus on my personal health, my music, and my research.

I am in an abusive relationship. I just want to leave.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. I do not want anything bad to happen to anyone.

I just want to get out.

I do not know who to talk to. I do not know who to reach out to. I have not been able to reach out to anyone willing to work through this with me and help me find stability and safety.

I don’t know what to do.

I need help

3/22 Morning

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Good morning.

We start today by removing everything we don't need.

I have a LOT of stuff I have consistently put aside just in case.

I've already removed a TON of stuff off my computer.

I've also cleaned up my office.

One step at a time, no cutting corners. I do this because I want to.

There are no unique ideas, only unique perspectives.

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Sorry for my slow progress.

I'm overwhelmed by everything. Life has been crazy and I'm trying to find ways to get my thoughts organized.

This is something I've never really done. I know the theory and the capabilities. I can look at it and generally understand it, but I've never had the time and resources I need to sit down and have it become a part of my life.

I don't learn like most people do. I actually don't know how I best learn other than by trying again and again and again. I've always been shunned for asking and receiving help.

I need to study theory and analyze existing work. I've been doing that, but I'm at a point where I don't have enough context and knowledge.

I also don't know what I'm working with. I don't know if I'm playing a co-op or pvp. I want to make the right decisions, but I still haven't figured out how everyone thinks. The last thing I want is for people to be mad at me for messing things up.

I really want to beat this game though. I want that more than anything.

I will try again tomorrow.


I'm in over my head

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I'll do what I can to learn.

I'm terrified.


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I was right.

Holy shit I was right.

How did you do this?

How did you know?

Seriously, that was incredible.

An absolute work of art.

This is how it should be.



I'm taking a break tonight (I've literally been researching all day every day for weeks).

As a friend, I want you to know that you're doing a great fucking job.

You Must Find The Most Important Words a Man Can Say

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“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Unite Them

"I will love you until the sun dies and when it does I will love you in the darkness.

"She was strong and vulnerable all at once. She was my last master, and my greatest. She had a way of pouring everything of herself into what she did. When she fought, she was the blade. When she loved, she was the kiss. In that regard, she was far more . . . human than any I have known."


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Boycott. Rebel. Liberate

Life Before Death

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Life Before Death

Strength Before Weakness

Journey Before Destination

I want to help.

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I don't know how.