Gender Is Confusing

Post #2

• Composed on

I think I'm scared to change myself. I'm scared to say I'm non-binary,

scared to say the masculine persona I created is simply fake.

I stopped wearing dresses and skirts

because I never liked them and because

they were forced onto me with

femininity I never asked for. Now, I can

try to be feminine. I can choose skirts

and dresses I actually feel comfortable in,

but I'm too scared to say I was wrong, or that I've

changed. I don't want femininity forced on me again,

because being masculine was how I stayed in control but now

masculinity has become a chain around my neck.

When I start working, I guess I'll buy myself what I want, but I don't know. It's just horrible being such a people pleaser... I've accepted I can't be one my whole life, but it's hard to break out of habits and labels you've forced on yourself for years. If you asked me two years ago if I'd grow out my hair again and wear a skirt, I'd look at you like you're crazy. I was so sure of my gender and expression at the time. Now, I want to change. I've fought against the internalized shaming I've done to myself since a child for things I cannot control like my race, gender, and expression. I only have one life.

I am non-binary, there is no standard to how I am supposed to dress. I can look like a emo boy one day and then a fairy queen the next. I'm just too scared to say that out loud rip. Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol.


Composed on

I wish I could go somewhere like this --->

It would be so cool


It's my first time posting here. I found this website through neocities! It seems like a cool website to blog and I like how customizable it is! I don't know if I'll post here often, but it seems like a fun way to post things to social media without worrying about likes or who sees it. Kind of like tossing something into the void in a way.

I guess I'll use this platform to talk about stuff I cant in my real life? So... hello! My name is Fae/Dulce/KC and I go by They/Them pronouns mostly, but can really go by any. I haven't told anyone my dream IRL, but it's to become a streamer/youtuber. I'm only 18, so I'm trying to get a job to save up for equipment, I already tallied the costs to figure out my goal. It may seem foolish to some that I'm willing to risk having no success, but I don't know. I just want it to be a hobby and a chance to make someone happy like how the creators I watch did.

I was alone as a child and YouTubers brought me a lot of comfort. I don't know, guess I just want to do the same even if I don't get big. Even getting like 10 followers would mean a lot to me. Either way, I'm doing what I like, which is playing games!

Anyway, done with this diary entry. It feels like one lol, maybe I'll post some poetry and other stuff here. I don't know. Guess I'm trying to find somewhere to belong and let out my interests without judgement. Have a good day!