hello world!
its the one and only!
jeeeesus! im here now, i suppose.
shall i ever truly find where i belong? no. im an alien, everywhere i go. its a bit sad, but i dont mind.
hello, peeps. im the one and only, cade houser! :D
you may know me from: being weird online, being silly online, being evil online, or maybe a drawing of a guy in a dress you saw under a tumblr tag once.
i........ have been searching for a safespace online pretty much....... my entire time ive BEEN online! i have found nothing. it sucks.
and in my forever search, ive found toons of blogging sites. this one catched my eye because, hey, i love customization and colors! like a lot. like a lot lot. i am an artist after all.
(image unrelated)
anyhow, i suppose i should introduce myself. my name is cade, im a he/they. i like making no sense and fitting nowhere. i like to be weird odd silly evil whimsy, alllll that.
my gender and general identity are so mysterious that even i dont know. but as of now im just achillean. funnily enough, im also chilean! that is not a mystery though.
also im autistic
things i enjoy are making drawings and arts and characters and.... well i dont do much else other than consume media.
my favorite games are: resident evil, dark deception, spookys jump scare mansion, anything by puppet combo, welcome to the game, scrutinized, killer frequency, silent hill, cry of fear, and afraid of monsters.
but i like every horror game. no matter how bad it is.
mainly videogames (i am a gamer dog)
of course, everyone that knows me at all knows i have an insane and not normal obsession with horror games. it has been this way since i found out what a horror game was and at this point theres just nothing i can do about it.
Being a senior is lots of fun but so stressful. I have my senior project and Högskole Provet( basekly SATs) as well as My senior project alongside there's of the things seniors have to do school-wise.
but at the same time, we have mute-bol school-funded trips to Stockholm and the musical our art, dance and music students collaborate on. I can't wait to find out which musical it is on September 30th i,
I want to get apply for jobs as soon as I turn 18 but I think it's for the better if I wait until December.
I just want to know how much mental energy I have.
When one of the universities you really want to go to is halfway across the cuntry and is in one of the 3rd biggest l cities there's no way you can afford to live there
I was forst to dit at a 4 table with a group of 3 on the train today. As the rest of the seats were full a lady all already sat down on the stairs.( I have chronic leg pain so standing for the 30-minute train ride is hard sometimes)
and the old man in the group insisted and gave me some of his nut mixe, He joked that Kirdish pepole never take no for an answer when it comes to being shareable. He was so sweet it really made my day:) r
I can dream. At least there som cose to me that I am pretty interested in as well
He might also be a University professor at one of the universities I am planning on applying to as well!
+ I saw a dubbol
rainbow on my way home and hand choclate cake so all in al a really good day
Hello World!
my first post on here
hello world! my name is stevie and i'm a 16yo programmer.
tumblr == wojenka
wojenka.carrd.co
some useless info about me
I code, draw, make music and play games. recently I started scrapbooking too! it's actually a lot of fun! Also I like to collect trinkets
my special interests (generalized): coding, drawing, computers, firearm, true crime, horror, morbid stuff in general, video games, dinosaurs, jumpstyle
*might edit this later
me and my cat klashnikov
☆ stevie [15.08.2023]
Rantng abt NSO prt.1 !
This is most likely gonna be a series of me ranting about different things in NSO… BC IM HYPERFIXATED!!! <3
Erm, spoiler warning and TW/CW, this game isnt for those who are easily disturbed.
RANTING ABOUT NEEDY STREAMER OVERLOAD! PART 1
<-- Ame :3
1) Ame
So who is Ame? Ame is the main character of Needy Streamer Overload and who you help to become a popular streamer! She a very dependant person... which is why YOU need to make ALL her decisions!
You are P-chan! Why P-chan? Because you're her partner, you're perfect and you're her producer!! ^_^ Ame loves you, a lot! And it's your job to make sure her streaming career goes well...
Did you know Ame means Rain but also Candy? It depends on how its written! If you write Ame as "飴" it means Candy, if you write Ame as "雨" it means Rain!
Ame's tweeter (in-game version twitter) username is "raincandy_U" ^_^
SPOILER WARNING1! (duh)
BACKSTORY -->
Source: fandom wiki & my own playing experience (but mostly fandom wiki)
Trigger and content warning! Reader's discretion is adviced<3
Ame wasn't from.. the best household. They were poor, and her parents were very neglectful and fought a lot. Ame had to run away because her mother was trying to force her into some not very nice stuff. But in current they they're on pretty good terms.
When Ame and P-chan decided to moved in together, P-chan set up a bunch of streaming equipement as Ame started to plan her streaming stuff! Ame gives P-chan one month to help her to a million subscribers.. which isnt much time but YOU DID IT...! IN ONE OF THE (MANY) ENDINGS!
LIKES: P-chan and psychotropics
DISLIKES: Adults and nerds
---------------------------------
introduction!
sorry if it’s a bit eyesore-y
and then it stopped working. which convinced me to make my presence known once it went back up. hello all
this is me irl!
i've known about this site for a while and i have visited it a few times before, but i never actually got to share anything because i found no interest in doing so
i'm really into neil cicierega, vintage tech, (old) horror, science, death, and cats ^_^
these are my main interests
MOVIES: re-animator and bride of re-animator
ARTISTS: lemon demon, abba, sweet trip
MUSIC GENRES: new wave, post punk, jazz
SHOWS: gravity falls, new kids on the rock
GAMES: tetris, minecraft, portal, faith
i cant guarantee that this site will have my utmost attention, but i really do like it here. maybe i'll update my page once at the end of each month? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i am 16 at the time of writing this and i hope to be a paranormal investigator in the future. i read, write and draw as a hobby. i enjoy baking and i have a distaste for peas.
you can find me on discord @spinsvi or on tumblr @hubriswest! i also have spacehey :3c ---> https://spacehey.com/reanimation
Fren Fran!
Yeah, maybe delete later?
Hello!
Lol, I'm not sure if my posts are any neat they just look like a huge brain dump I took all over.
Yeah, it's nice that there's no likes, share, comment and other pesky features that you find on other social sites that make you feel alone and competitive in here.
I really like that.
I mean, it's okay if others don't read what gets posted here, but there's an added insult to it when they explicitly mention "0 comments" or "0 notes" which makes things hurt a bit.
Thank you for the invite to the discord!
It's a huge time sink, and instant messaging really makes me anxious and constantly check for new messages!
I've heard praises about it too, but I've been trying to stay away from discord too.
I really liked Reki as a character.
I forgot a lot about it because I saw it quite a long time ago though so might give it a try again!
I've seen Haibane Renmei, and it's a really good show although I sometimes found it very slow paced and it was a lot of work to make it through the first few episodes.
This site still up. Wow!
https://cff.ssw.net/index.htm
Anyway, thanks for reading all the shit I wrote and thanks for the reply! :3
for: diastasis
(delete later?)
yo, thank you for blessing this site w/ your really neat posts. while i usually dislike trying to interact w/ people here bc that's not the point of the site, you mentioned the internet checkpoint so i am therefore morally obligated to point you to the taia777 fan discord server. idk if you're a discord user, but the server is probably the best one i've ever been in (and one of the members periodically reposts checkpoints, though unfortunately usually w/out the classic music for the sake of not getting instantly annihilated by nintendo)
also, in line w/ your complaints w/ shonen narcissism/pointless sunshine and rainbows, i think a show like haibane renmei might be more your speed? i haven't actually watched it in years so idk how actually good it is, but it lives in a very similar place in my head to land of the lustrous? might be worth giving a shot
https://discord.gg/Z8Ruceey
(normal method of links isn't working so copy and paste it is)
I'm so bored...
I’m going to rant about how everything is boring!
I really hate stuff that are too mainstream, typically the ones that preach shounen values like wanting to catch everything and becoming the number one and all that and I find that beating people up to become friends with them later, and then said friends coming to magically help you and stand by your side no matter what happens and are even ready to give up their own lives just so you can be the best and satisfy your narcissistic cravings and all that with them is a really wrong moral value that's being spread out in these shows.
I'm tired of these wish fulfillment escapist fantasy bullshit!
On the flip side, I also really hate the toxic positivity preachy stuff that asks everyone to fart rainbows all the time and smile and dance even in the darkest and deepest depths of sorrow like something I tried to see a few days ago, Nights of Cabiria. I couldn't make it past an hour of that.
I don't know why but I think I found Cabiria annoying and... painfully relatable and she reminds me of how I used to "fall" for emotionally toxic people and she really needs to consider the possibility that even if she finds herself in really bad circumstances she still has some unresolved issues that she needs to take care of so that she doesn't continue to end up in such situations again in future.
I really don't want to waste my time or energy or internet space talking about this extremely annoying and unrealistic archetype.
I can at least tolerate these things till I get bored and stop watching and feel intense shame and regret about wasting my time but one thing that really gets on my nerves is the god damn manic pixie dream girls.
Anyway, I guess other than that, I don't have any specific tastes and listen to anything that I stumble upon, but my favorite song is Grimes' Realiti [Both versions!]. Grimes is too good, or used to be, before Elon Musk happened.
Damn you, Nintendo!
I really feel good when I find something satisfying like that, something that really connects with me to the soul and not something that's superficial, preachy, pretty or just technically good.
I even struggle to find something relatable while watching or reading something that's passive, like anime, manga, movies, cartoons, or anything.
The best, and most important find though is Phosphophyllite from Houseki no Kuni because she's literally me, a walking disaster that blames everything else except herself for her problems, even if she gets put in unfortunate and manipulative circumstances [yes, she!].
Anyway, I guess the last thing I watched that I really liked was Aftersun, and it made me cry so much because I'm such a mess and it really moved me.
I really like it when things leave me confused and ambiguous as **** but then it has that god damn David Bowie song.
I'm tired of being bored and nit picky all the time!
It's a real struggle to find something that truly moves me, made by friendly people and not narcissists.
I'm so bored...
All of this makes it really hard for me to find something that I actually get to enjoy.
I kind of wish a manic pixie dream girl personality is real and I wish I could find the strength to be happy and fart rainbows even in my darkest times but I have a feeling that such personalities are a result of trauma, selective amnesia and serious object inconstancy.
I sometimes find myself listening to really toxic songs like the songs of Crystal Castles which nobody should endorse or support because Ethan is a ******* and an abusing ******, but somehow Alice's pain that came out of her songs can be really cathartic to listen to, and that's really addictive.
I also find myself listening to Lana Del Rey who somehow embraces and capitalizes relationships where toxicity thrives, diffusion and shared fantasies nurture, and all of which can be really messed up. I'm trying to stay clean off of those songs these days.
Something that also really pissed me off recently is listening to Layla by Eric Clapton on repeat for a whole day, and then finding out that this guy is a total narcissist and the whole story is so ****** up.
What's with all the toxicity in music industry, or anything that has to do with showbiz?
Oh yeah, I also liked Under Pressure by Queen because of Aftersun but then David Bowie, someone who is worshiped the **** out of, is a ******* ******* as well.
He even literally looks like a Ventrue, but is probably a Toreador or something.
Still, nothing beats this... the mythical "Internet Checkpoint" [which is dead now], my go-to comfort song while staring at unfamiliar ceilings.
I WANT SATISFACTION
This is an introduction post I guess, lol.
I even had a neocities profile a couple of months ago and all I wanted to do was look all smart and pretentious.
Soon, I got so tired and frustrated that I just deleted the site one miserable day and didn't look back.
It's this place! <3
Anyway, I'm supposed to introduce myself.
I guess I'll call myself as diastasis here, and I'm in my ******* 30s and I should be having a family and a son right now but I still feel like I'm somewhere in my late teens.
I don't even understand how I made it to my 30s alive.
I feel stuck in a grown*** body that's only grown*** in age but not in terms of emotional maturity, stuck in torpor.
At least that's how it all feels...
A neighbor lady recently told my mom that I look like 16 or something.
One of the kids I know told me I look like 20 a while ago.
I recently encountered a fist fight in real life, and all the adults around me were really serious and stressed about it and tried to make the gorilla brutes stop, but I just joined some of the kids around me and started to laugh with them and enjoy the chaos that was going on.
I'm a really boring person that has nothing useful or original to bring onto the plate, and even if I'm grown***, I never managed to get a proper job in my life, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm just dumb or it's because of life circumstances and the lack of jobs and hyper-capitalism in action that made me dumb due to lack of social exposure.
Anyway, I'm tired. I sometimes still go back to old places and sometimes get the ol' sense of belonging, rarely, but then for the most part, internet feels like a place that's too crowded, yet you feel lonely and desolate for some weird reason. Maybe I grew out, or maybe the problem is with me not wanting to open up so I don't really know.
I wish I acted age appropriately.
I feel as if I've become old or something, and that the internet is full of young ones. I've tried imageboards, reddit, X [formerly twitter], tumblr, fediverse, neocities, heck, I've even tried ******* SpaceHey recently, but nothing ever satisfies this emptiness and numbs the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere, except for a handful of online friends I managed to somehow retain despite being a walking disaster, but they too are slowly drifting away because entropy consumes everything and we're all going to *** one day.
First, it was a blog, then I felt too vulnerable and stupid, and then it became a website where I gather information and self-help resources for "others" because I'm so desperate for validation or something and I felt like a total phoney, because it was actually me just trying to copypaste things and present those as if it were mine by rephrasing and "summarizing" them [regurgitating actually], then it became a site where I rambled my *** off about everything I came across from movies to self-help videos on youtube, then a lot of things happened, and after some point I had no idea what I was doing in here by creating something that has nothing to do with me. It's supposed to be a personal site, but nothing about it was personal.
A few weeks ago, I was trying to find out more niche spaces where I could do something, and I randomly stumbled upon something that really impressed me, and made me go this is it!
I'm supposed to be a man, but nothing about me except for whatever that's hanging between my legs seem manly to me [even that's small as ****], and to others.
I occasionally experience phantom breasts and bottom dysphoria.
Sometimes it's just really bad luck, like getting scratched by a dog recently, and I had to take rabies vaccine for a whole month that kept me sick every week because of its side effects.
These days I feel tired all the time [probably a symptom of depression] and I find myself sleeping so much and I also get sick a lot, like real lot because of chronic sinusitis and bad eating habits, and some serious lack of sleep and vitamin D because of being a pseudo-shut-in.
I thought I could be trans but I find it hard to relate to the female experience as well, so now I'm just a confused mess and I've settled down for being non-binary.
I'm damn sure I have borderline personality disorder along with a cocktail of other mental illnesses like OCD and Adult ADD and all that but I don't want to go to a therapist because my parents don't believe in mental illnesses, or mental health for that matter, and there's no proper affordable help or mental health awareness where I live.
I'M CHRONICALLY ADDICTED TO INTERNET, AND I ESCAPE A LOT TO DROWN ALL THESE PESSIMISTIC THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS IN ME BY WASTING MY TIME WATCHING LOTS OF STUFF, ANYTHING THAT GETS MADE AND PARTICIPATING IN PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL DISCUSSIONS ONLINE THAT NEVER REACH A CONCLUSION BECAUSE PEOPLE AREN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN CONVERSATIONS BUT JUST TO PROVE THAT OTHERS ARE WRONG ONLINE, AND WATCHING LOTS OF SELF-HELP VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE THAT I NEVER ACT ON... IN FACT IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE ACTED ON SOMETHING, AND IT'S MOVING LIKE A SNAIL THESE DAYS.
... AND IF EVERYTHING IS FINE, THEN SOMETHING HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE AND I'M PILED UP WITH RESPONSIBILITIES LIKE PAYING BILLS AND DOING HOUSEHOLD CHORES I NEVER GET SOME TIME ALONE FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY LIFE BUT... I THINK I'VE SAID A LOT ABOUT MY LIFE IN THIS POST ALREADY.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to introduce myself and make myself home around here.
If someone is reading all this, I really appreciate it and thank you for making my day!
posting works again!!!
2023/09/13
glad the site is back to functioning 〒▽〒
despite how ready i was to give up in the last post here, the visa worked itself out and i should be in taiwan by the end of the week. i'll be going to the highschool m/w/f and am taking primarily art/music classes, while t/th i'll be at a language learning program. more on this later.
VISA
i had just started legend of the galactic heroes last post too, but i'm now 30+ episodes in and willing to die for this show. omg. i love any space politics, but this is high quality space politics! i knew ******'s death was coming since the beginning and it still totally messed me up. managed to find the first two novels at a second hand book store too!!
LOTGH
SITE
updated my neocities for the first time in nearly a year, finally making a journal page, though specifically for my exchange at the current moment. out of practice but happy w/ how it turned out!
ART
https://frandszk.neocities.org/journal.html
been doing an actually decent amount of art recently too, both digitally and in my new sketchbook (finished the last one after over 2+ years lol). getting better at not needing to post art as soon as i make it too :D
CURRENTLY READING:
started trying to complete the blue period summer art challenge two weeks ago bc i reread blue period again, did 6 out of the 7 dessins but since i'm leaving in less than two days i think i'm going to have to call it quits for now. happy w/ what i learned, though!
the grace of kings
再見!
about.
about…. me !
(home!vvv)
hi. i'm bakura, or icarus if you prefer. i'm a 19 year old vampire+ghost boy who uses it/its or he/him. i'm a system host and artist mainly. my special interests are yugioh and splatoon, or nintendo in general. i have many other interests as well of course, just too many to list here for now.
my art twitter and instagram are both @yewgioh. im not super active elsewhere. sorry, not quite sure what else to say about myself! <3 if you'd like my info in a simpler display, you can visit rentry.co/yewgioh.
it's my greatest pleasure to make your acquaintance. <3
panic time + current interest list
2023/08/12 (READ FEINTUCH’S THE STILL)
> PANIC TIME
while i personally wouldn't be too terribly bummed out if it all falls apart (i have recently been getting back into medieval reenactment and have been looking at nearby farm internships again), there are two things that worry me about it: a) it would be embarrassing as hell, especially since my mom has been telling literally everyone she knows since january, and if i'm not super upset, she'll think i didn't put the effort in. b) i'm not sure how it would affect my college deferment. i've already been accepted and my deferment accepted, and i don't think they'd make me start attending in the second semester as a freshman, but i'm pretty sure one of the big reasons i was even accepted was because of my taking part in this exchange program, and because i was so clear on what i would be doing in the extra year.
the host family can't help me much, since this isn't their field of expertise, but they've been super nice. and the online culture class i'm supposed to do before i arrive has also been a lot of fun so far. i'm looking forward to going, but at this point i think i'd be fine either way.
it was supposed to all work out, but i don't think it will. i'm supposed to be leaving in a little over two weeks for my exchange program, but i don't even have all the documents i need yet. the letter of sponsorship i need from the host club has still not arrived and the health certificate i sent to the embassy hasn't been returned, despite me sending it over 3 weeks ago. i also can't get a flight ticket until i get my visa, which is not helping my nerves.
> CURRENT INTERESTS
BOOKS: rodrigo of caledon*, iwtv, dune, captive prince
GAMES: ffxiv, fear & hunger; MISC: the roman republic,
ai no kusabi; SHOWS: legend of the galactic heroes;
medieval reenactment, troilus, early christian
theological debates
* i literally cannot recommend this book series enough. its only two books long (the still and the king), but david feintuch is insane. main character is a bit of a fool but his character growth is the most realistic i've ever seen, and all the characters are so interesting. if you like medieval light fantasy, or even if you don't, i am begging you: please read it
that's another site to find me on i guess! finding social media to post shit on is hard. :| . lets see if it lasts
hi, i'm intosea, he/him, and i'm an artist who draws
a lot of weird crap.
i have an interest in the morbid, socially unacceptable,
unpleasant, and all around strange of life and i reflect
this in my art. i have a lot of thoughts and opinions on
things and consequently a few interests outside of art.
i'm literally addicted to the binding of isaac and i cant
stress enough that this is not hyperbole. here's a
drawing i made of War as an example of both my art and my need for an intervention.
i hope to at least get a little bit out of this website :]
well