brain dump rant bc generally feeling blegh

like what am i supposed to do with thiss hmmm, though you know theres a way out. but is like hard to actually find or even tackle that way out so its pretty frustrating. cycles and loops in life like this or that are in your head like this are dare i say hellish.

have yall ever had something to where you had to try and fix something but to fix that thing you had to already have that thing be fixed to even get started fixing it. so it like a loop paradox in your mind and its like "bruh this feeles hopeless"

Like man. But you know the more i noticed im aware of this the more i get closer to finding a solution. So alll hope isnt lost of course but its being patient and faithful that you will get yourself out of it. And i say faithful instead of hopeful because faith is assurance even if sometimes you dont have the evidence. its belief even when you dont see any "hope" which is when you have something to call a small "evidence" of your wish being able to be fulfilled.

So even if i didnt necessarily feel that ould figure this thing out and break out of it and even if i didnt "see" anything within myself or outside of myself that gives the look that there is a possiblilty of me braking out of this thing, i still have faith that i will no matter what. simply because i decied to. and eventually as i kept experieincing this thing i could see patterns etc. and that means that its possible to change it. "where there is a will there is a way" even if you dont fully see the "way. especially actually.

I'm starting to build a healthier and more balanced lifestyle. which also means stepping up my self care. Becoming balanced in my general self care in a way that is easy and sustainable for me. My goal is to be generally balanced in my life with this. By finding a simple system that works for me. And i've been working on how to do that better. In the past I really haven't good about it, but now i'm actually starting to learn how to sustain it better so I can live a generally healthy life.

There is a specific youtube channel i've been watching recently called Doctor Ben, I think he is a positive and cool guy and I like watching some of his short videos. He's mostly a fitness guy but he occasionally posts motivation/lifestyle vids. Here are some basic ones which are just generally good reminders:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaB6R-QwfFw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bEVfnQTY1k

The biggest thing I'm learning in practicing self care is time management and prioritizing. You need self discipline to keep these things up and to do things when you plan to so you can have the time to take care of yourself. It's challenging but I know when I figure it out I will be able to take good care of myself in whatever part of life i'm in, and it'll be a lifelong investment in myself.

A very important part of self care that i'm prioritizing as a permanent part of my life is at least 1 Hour of leisure time Daily. And this is a permanent part of my life because this isn't a reward for working or getting anything done, i'm treating this like an essential to my daily life, because it is. I need to be able to play and take my mind of of working or any stressors everyday with something specifically enjoyable. Non negotiable. So whether I complete all my work in the day or not, I will always have my 1 Hour of Leisure time.

When it comes to how I care for myself in the 3 Main Areas of physical health: Sleep, exercise and diet. I try to make it easy and enjoyable so I can keep it consistent. I'm still working on these but i'm a little clearer on what to do at least.

With Exercise I go for a brisk walk for 30 min a day. With sleep, I make a short and nice bedtime routine but also am very strict about my bedtime no matter what happened in the day. With dieting, I heard 2 good simple habits. 1: What can you add to a meal to make it healthier? 2: Cut down unnecessary sugar intake only. It doesn't have to be an entire diet switch, just a small lifestyle habit change.

These are the main things I like to do in my leisure time:

-Read a fictional Book: On the 4th Lockwood and Co. Book

-Watch a Kids Movie: BRAIN OFF, just enjoy some goofy nonsense or take in a positive message that is simple but true. + Eat a sweet treat.

-Sculpt with clay: My current hobby, i'm doing it more but I wanted to try it out as a hobby for a while now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5p1t33W0Y4

So in my night routine I write in my journal 3 different categories with 3 items in each. "Successes" of the Day, "Goodies" from the day and "What I received" in the day. And I call them Good Pages because it's an entire page filled with different categories of goodness from the day.

Daily Successes are any good thing I did in anyway that day, doesn't matter how big or small. I write a bullet point next to that area. So it would look like this: *Shower *Drink Water instead of juice after lunch *Wave to bus driver

So I call them goodies, just because I like the word but also because there is always goodies within every day. They aren't even hiding we just need to point them out. And the more you point them out the more I believe your brain will automatically be able to see them, I think this is also another good practice to keep you mindful of the moments in your day, because eventually you will start to notice these moments when they happen. Personally when I sit down to write at then end of the day, I can remember a good list of things. If you have trouble remembering good things in the day at the end, try to think about what you did that day and think "around" the activity. Think about before, during and after that activity, was there any good moments?

"What I Received Today" is basically just writing down what you received that day, it can have monetary value specifically or something you received in your life again no matter how big or small. I would put a + or if it has monetary value then I would put a $ after the plus, and I would write Thank you, because when you receive something the normal thing to say is thank you lol. So here is an example: +$Cute Pen Set Gift from Sister...Thank You! +Makeshift Hamper for my Room...Thank you! +$Dollar I found on the ground...Thank You!

I call them successes because we succeed in something everyday, we succeed in waking up everyday even if we don't get out of bed. I think putting a special focus on the things you accomplish or do well everyday will train your brain to see more positively and more good that you already do. After doing this for a while I started to notice the times in the day I was stressed about something and it really overtook me in that moment, but now i'm here and i'm looking back on my day and seeing that that was just a moment. I won't always feel stressed in life, it's just a state of being that can and will change. Now i'm relaxed and looking at all the small success I did today. So positively focusing on things I did do today even if it doesn't include the big GOAL I wanted to get done in the day, helps to zoom out and notice the little things I do already in life. It also gives me perspective on my days, and moments in life, because there were a lot of times where not getting a big project done in the day stayed on my mind throughout the rest of the day and so mentally exhausted me because I was letting this drain my energy. As a result I skimmed over the little moments in my day and had a significantly worse time when I didn't even have to. But this practice helps me be more mindful of what I do and helps me zoom out and see that my day is made up of a lot of different success and accomplishments already. And I can write them down at the end of the day and leave them there in those moments in time. I did it, I wrote it down, I see that I did it, in that moment i'm happy I noticed I did these things and I can leave it in the past and go to bed.

So this would be the final product on my journal page:

*(Daily Success) :) (Goodie) +$ (What I Received)

So as you can see it doesn't always have to be receiving something from someone, you can even write down anything you bought for yourself, even if you had to buy it like soap. But it is something good you technically "RECEIVED" because it's now in your life so you would write it down. Like I wrote down a makeshift hamper, because if you don't have one and you make it, that is still something you received in your life. You get what I mean? I think this practice helps you see that you get a lot more in life than you think you do, and it shows your brain that as well. I think focusing on new additions in our life will bring more because our brain will start recognizing good new additions to our life and see it as a normal thing that is a part of our experience.

As I was writing this I noticed this system could use some work and mostly in parameters of specificity, LOL, but still I decided to share so if anyone wants to use it and tweak it for themselves they can. I hope you benefit greatly from it!

Daily Goodies are good things that happened in the day no matter how big or small. You can be as specific as you want. So here is an example, when I write it in my Journal i start with a smiley face: :) Saw a mother and her baby at the park :) New yt vid from my fav ytber today :) yummy leftover dinner