Uncle Pete

@popo

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#tips

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Following up on his “How To Wash Up Without Fucking Everything Up” manifesto, Uncle Pete left us this note:


~ With the shower head in hand, tilt your head to one side and shoot the hot water stream into your soaped ear while cleaning inside with a finger ~ repeat for the other ear ~

You won’t have to buy cotton buds ever again!

How to Wash Your Ears

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Raoul

Charlotte

Jamal

Owen

Karl

Maurice

Lea

Keep your friends close! Here are some of mine, they’re a good bunch:

  

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WORLD BIOCAPACITY

It’s time for the latest Wikipedia discoveries of Uncle Pete!

The loudness war (or loudness race) is a trend of increasing audio levels in recorded music, which reduces audio fidelity and — according to many critics — listener enjoyment.

Corporatocracy […] is a term used to refer to an economic, political and judicial system controlled by corporations or corporate interests. The concept has been used in explanations of bank bailouts, excessive pay for CEOs, as well as complaints such as the exploitation of national treasuries, people, and natural resources. It has been used by critics of globalization, sometimes in conjunction with criticism of the World Bank or unfair lending practices as well as criticism of free trade agreements. Corporate rule is also a common theme in dystopian science-fiction media.

WORLD ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT

× 365 = EOD

OK, now we get why you’re so fun at parties…

R/P FLIP (FLoating Instrument Platform) is an open ocean research platform owned by the U.S. Office of Naval Research (ONR) and operated by Scripps Institution of Oceanography. The platform is 108 meters (355 ft) long and is designed to partially flood and pitch backward 90°, resulting in only the front 17 meters (55 ft) of the platform pointing up out of the water, with bulkheads becoming decks.

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Earth Overshoot Day (EOD) is the calculated illustrative calendar date on which humanity's resource consumption for the year exceeds Earth’s capacity to regenerate those resources that year.

Crown shyness […] is a phenomenon observed in some tree species, in which the crowns of fully stocked trees do not touch each other, forming a canopy with channel-like gaps. The phenomenon is most prevalent among trees of the same species, but also occurs between trees of different species. There exist many hypotheses as to why crown shyness is an adaptive behavior, and research suggests that it might inhibit spread of leaf-eating insect larvae.

The Euthanasia Coaster is a hypothetical steel roller coaster designed to kill its passengers. In 2010, it was designed and made into a scale model by Lithuanian artist Julijonas Urbonas […] Urbonas, who has worked at an amusement park, stated that the goal of his concept roller coaster is to take lives “with elegance and euphoria”.

I like to call myself a Wikipedist. Not to be confused with a Wikipedian (a person that contributes to Wikipedia), a Wikipedist collects peculiar tidbits of knowledge, and shares them somewhere else.”

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Join the dots to discover today’s message:

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Aaaaw Uncle Pete! We **** you too!

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Purple

PATTERN STANDARDIZATION FOR PRINTING COLORS IN A BLACK & WHITE ENVIRONMENT

REJECTED US PATENT N°D000854

Silver

Gold

Black

Brown

Blue

Red

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One of the most curious learnings from The Hobo Known-Ledge is the fact that nature can occasionally communicate in its own “morse code”. At the occasion of The Grand Hoboken Reunion of 1938, F.T. Bottomless¹ recorded (with witnesses) four minutes of such a phenomenon on film, and later that year famously received a standing ovation when he shared his findings at The Annual Trail Assembly Of The Ole Wichita Rail. While much have been said about the validity of directly correlating broccoli fractal patterns frequencies with the light bursts captured that day, nature’s crystal clear message has never been refuted. It later got validated word for word by no less than eight other independent decoding initiatives,² most of them using tried-and-true methods such as the pentatonic minor scale.

The first 48 frames of the “LightBurst” recording.

The Hobo Known-Ledge, Augmented Edition, p.721-738

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Riiiiight… It’s time for bed now Uncle Pete, we’ll listen to nature tomorrow, OK?

¹

F.T. Bottomless

NATURE’S CALL

Photo sheet, from Hobo Quarterly N°71 , Oct. 1939

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That’s not cool Uncle Pete…

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Ingredients

Uncle Pete finally agreed to share with us his “Damn Good Crêpes” recipe:

It shouldn’t stick too much with a good pan, if it does you can use butter.

• Half a shot of whiskey/rum

Notes

Instructions

Mix it all, if it ends up too liquid add some more flour, and let it rest at least two hours before making the crêpes. (ideally an entire night)

It can be tricky to get the pan at the right temperature at first, good luck!

The beer is the key ingredient to get a proper “lace” texture, and the strong alcohol is for flavour.

• 5 or 6 big eggs

• Pinch of salt

• 1/2 liter of beer

• 1/2 kilo of flour

• 1/2 liter or milk

• 1 tablespoon of olive oil

That was damn good! A tad too boozy, maybe?

(Also, yes, as you can see, I use the metric system for measurements. Imperialism is bad.)

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“Words to live by”, by Uncle Pete:

Don’t shit where you eat.

That seems… wise? Thanks Uncle Pete!

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We asked Uncle Pete to tell us more about the ways he uses modern technologies:

I don’t have a computer. There is always one available at the public library anyway, to check my emails and surf the World Wide Web.”

My phone is a Nokia 108. It’s small, lightweight, and the battery lasts one week. I bought it 8 years ago for 50 bucks.

It has a lot of functions!

The ones I use most are the MP3 player, FM radio, and flashlight.

(It’s LOUD, which I like, and its batteries last all night long.)

All my music fits in the 32GB thingy card, and I play it with a MINIRIG speaker using a little cable. (I’ve been told the newer models have blue teeth now.)

Thanks for sharing Uncle Pete! That’s a really sweet setup!

That’s it. I also have a fridge at home but there is not much to say about it.

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What is it, Uncle Pete? A new buddy from the garden?

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Right on Uncle Pete! Trains are truly awesome!

I love travelling by train

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Had way too much sake yesterday

#tips

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good wood

cheap varnish (detail)

choose wood wisely:

fake rich wood

smell it

Thank you again Uncle Pete! See you soon!

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This week your favorite uncle decided to share some of his personal hygiene habits and principles, or in his own words:

I'm tall enough and I happen to have a penis, so I just pee in the sink and clean afterwards. (If you are smaller, or do not have a penis, know that it's OK to not flush every time you pee)

Baths

Showers

Peeing

I like to get clean while not fucking up the planet too much. I wish we’d stop buying plastic stuff, and waste so much water”

Thank you for such wisdom Uncle Pete! See you next week!

Shaving

Pooping

Hair

I always had a lot of dandruff until I stopped cleaning my hair daily, or only when needed with normal soap.

I take hot baths once in a while. I just take care to not fill the bathtub entirely, and make sure I stay inside at least half an hour to enjoy it fully.

I shave with regular bar soap after a shower, thanks to the incredible power of hot water and a 3-blade razor. Shaving cream is a lie that comes in wasteful packages. For after-shave, some natural oil.

Teeth

Paper is a really ineffective way to clean anything, and those wet paper towels a ridiculous luxurious concept. I wash my butt with soap and warm water.

(I guess this does not work when you have long hair)

I wash them good.

I take a shower daily, standing in a large bucket. This way I collect water that I use to flush the toilet.