The more I learn and the more I come to understand about the way the world works, the more stuck I feel. I spent my entire K-12 education as a very high achiever. I always did what was asked of me. I got some of the best test scores, I constantly put forth my full effort in a way that was highly stressful for me, especially in high school. I got into a really good university. My university was so good that, for the first time in my education, I found that I was no longer one of the highest performers, but fell somewhere in the middle.
After graduating and moving back to the city where I grew up, I found it next to impossible to find work. I have spent my entire working life struggling in an unbelievable fashion. Since I started working, I have always worked multiple jobs, and even working multiple jobs, I have never been fully financially independent. I took a certificate program to enter the legal field while still working full time and working multiple jobs, up to four at a time. After two years of having almost no free time due to working and taking very time consuming classes, I finally got my first "real" job about a year ago.
I started making a bit more money, but still being paid an hourly wage as opposed to a salary. Recently, I have been having some alarm bells going off in my head. The first time, it was when I saw my case manager send in her hours and realized that after working here for almost 10 years, she still seemed to be getting paid an hourly wage instead of a salary. The second one was today when I opened my W2 and realized how little money I made this year - hardly much more than what I made at my previous job, especially factoring in how much the cost of living has gone up.
My experience coming of age and entering the workforce is pretty universal for millennials and Gen Z. It feels like we are constantly treading water, like no matter what gains we appear to make, we will never be financially stable, will never be able to buy a home, and will never be able to afford to retire. The federal minimum wage in the US hasn't been raised since 2009, but the cost of living, and especially rent in large cities, has skyrocketed. Corporations are charging more for lower quality products and services that we don't need and are pocketing the profits while refusing to pay their employees more, preferring to engage in union busting tactics whenever employees attempt to organize.
Make no mistake: we live in hell. The opportunities available to my parents and even to Gen X simply don't exist for people of the younger generations. The only way to make money is to climb the corporate ladder and give up everything you believe in and everything you think is right and good. You have to submit to the constant violence of hierarchy, sucking up to some insufferable, egotistic narcissist who controls almost every aspect of your life. There's no reason we have to live like this. There is a much better way to live by cooperating, practicing constant mutual aid, and maintaining a sustainable relationship with the land and the Earth.
I feel so much frustration spending the majority of my waking hours losing my time and energy to make someone else rich. When I get home after each grueling day, I hardly have the energy to do anything but lie in bed and look at my phone. I never have the energy to do something at the same time that I have the free time to do it. I don't know how I would find the time and the energy to start preparing to take the steps to apply for law school, which is sometimes what I feel my only option is if I ever want to make enough money to have or do anything in my life.
At the same time, I really despise the legal system and don't believe in the legitimacy of the United States or its government or its laws, given that this country was built on slavery and genocide and its laws were formulated by slaveowners.
I don't just want to personally free myself from the impossible situation I'm in, because that isn't enough; I want everyone to be free from the unimaginable oppression we live under. We are watching our lives disappear so that a handful of people can own the majority of the world's wealth. When you actually look into the numbers on wealth inequality, it is staggering and totally mind-boggling that we allow our society to function like this.
I keep coming back to these ideas: 1) I need to do whatever I can to free up as much of my time and energy as I possibly can; 2) With my free time and energy, I need to do whatever I can to help other people free themselves from underneath the heel of capitalist hell; and 3) None of us will be free until we all are free.
