.2.

Information Fatigue.

• Composed on

I spent hours on the internet. I open Youtube and Instagram subconsciously and browse for hours without realizing time passing. 

Perhaps time is parallel to another reality happening elsewhere. I am experiencing things in a spectrum defined in my current spacial time, but on another clock, or world, I am a 40-year-old self living in a forest. 

Dissatisfaction with my current self does come from within. I identify and recognize it, but I am not sure how exactly I can move on. I am making food, reading a bit, and sliding in opportunities for exercising here and there, but overall I still don't think it's helping.

I missed opportunities to make, to create, to enter a competition that I have been planning to submit my writing to. I felt numb and started doubting myself: "what is the point?" When has I became so pessimistic and unproductive? What happened to learning, ultra-learning, and enriching my intellectual needs? 

Instead of endlessly blaming myself, perhaps from another perspective, this pause was much needed. I need the time to think about what exactly I am doing and how to live my purpose. Silence is so uncomfortable because of the million voices in our heads in this modern age, but when I think about it this way, I am able to hold onto this tidbit of gratitude. 

originally written 04.08.21