I really hate stuff that are too mainstream, typically the ones that preach shounen values like wanting to catch everything and becoming the number one and all that and I find that beating people up to become friends with them later, and then said friends coming to magically help you and stand by your side no matter what happens and are even ready to give up their own lives just so you can be the best and satisfy your narcissistic cravings and all that with them is a really wrong moral value that's being spread out in these shows.
I'm tired of these wish fulfillment escapist fantasy bullshit!
On the flip side, I also really hate the toxic positivity preachy stuff that asks everyone to fart rainbows all the time and smile and dance even in the darkest and deepest depths of sorrow like something I tried to see a few days ago, Nights of Cabiria. I couldn't make it past an hour of that.
I don't know why but I think I found Cabiria annoying and... painfully relatable and she reminds me of how I used to "fall" for emotionally toxic people and she really needs to consider the possibility that even if she finds herself in really bad circumstances she still has some unresolved issues that she needs to take care of so that she doesn't continue to end up in such situations again in future.
I really don't want to waste my time or energy or internet space talking about this extremely annoying and unrealistic archetype.
I can at least tolerate these things till I get bored and stop watching and feel intense shame and regret about wasting my time but one thing that really gets on my nerves is the god damn manic pixie dream girls.
Anyway, I guess other than that, I don't have any specific tastes and listen to anything that I stumble upon, but my favorite song is Grimes' Realiti [Both versions!]. Grimes is too good, or used to be, before Elon Musk happened.
Damn you, Nintendo!
I really feel good when I find something satisfying like that, something that really connects with me to the soul and not something that's superficial, preachy, pretty or just technically good.
I even struggle to find something relatable while watching or reading something that's passive, like anime, manga, movies, cartoons, or anything.
The best, and most important find though is Phosphophyllite from Houseki no Kuni because she's literally me, a walking disaster that blames everything else except herself for her problems, even if she gets put in unfortunate and manipulative circumstances [yes, she!].
Anyway, I guess the last thing I watched that I really liked was Aftersun, and it made me cry so much because I'm such a mess and it really moved me.
I really like it when things leave me confused and ambiguous as **** but then it has that god damn David Bowie song.
I'm tired of being bored and nit picky all the time!
It's a real struggle to find something that truly moves me, made by friendly people and not narcissists.
I'm so bored...
All of this makes it really hard for me to find something that I actually get to enjoy.
I kind of wish a manic pixie dream girl personality is real and I wish I could find the strength to be happy and fart rainbows even in my darkest times but I have a feeling that such personalities are a result of trauma, selective amnesia and serious object inconstancy.
I sometimes find myself listening to really toxic songs like the songs of Crystal Castles which nobody should endorse or support because Ethan is a ******* and an abusing ******, but somehow Alice's pain that came out of her songs can be really cathartic to listen to, and that's really addictive.
I also find myself listening to Lana Del Rey who somehow embraces and capitalizes relationships where toxicity thrives, diffusion and shared fantasies nurture, and all of which can be really messed up. I'm trying to stay clean off of those songs these days.
Something that also really pissed me off recently is listening to Layla by Eric Clapton on repeat for a whole day, and then finding out that this guy is a total narcissist and the whole story is so ****** up.
What's with all the toxicity in music industry, or anything that has to do with showbiz?
Oh yeah, I also liked Under Pressure by Queen because of Aftersun but then David Bowie, someone who is worshiped the **** out of, is a ******* ******* as well.
He even literally looks like a Ventrue, but is probably a Toreador or something.
Still, nothing beats this... the mythical "Internet Checkpoint" [which is dead now], my go-to comfort song while staring at unfamiliar ceilings.