I've noticed that the days where I write out my stream of thoughts and emotions are the days where I'm able to look at those surface-level feelings and move on to do other things really smoothly.
It was a routine Vin suggested I try, after I had shared how I sometimes get soaked in different feelings. Even though I haven't been able to do it each day, it's been so helpful! Being able to sit with emotions and really let them take up some space (which is so so uncomfortable) is something that I'm learning to get better at.
It's been rough, in some way, but I now am more able to see rough times as gifts to something better, perhaps. These past two years are so much of me learning to co-inhabit and take care of my emotions, and also judgements from others! In particular, something that I'd observed is how often and how easily I'd let others put labels on me and internalise them. Then, I had a beautiful conversation where they helped me realise how I let others label me because it's easy / less work for me to accept the labels and consider myself incapable - because hiding is easier than acknowledging what I really want to accomplish. <just wow>
Another consistency I've experienced is feeling a lot of fear and getting anxious, pre-worrying about whether I'm making the best decisions for my collaborators, for the product, for people who might find the tool meaningful, etc etc. It's almost embarrassing to acknowledge it, because when saying it out loud, it just sounds like I'm overthinking it, but I also need to be honest with these feelings.
Something that has helped me is with seeing these feelings as if they are wind - the breeze feels different on different days, and it's totally ok to feel it, let the wind touch my face, slip through between my finger tips, but don't let it knock me down.
A new framing that was introduced to me too, was:
however amount of fear i can feel = however amount of power i can have
and it's a matter of me learning to reallocate those attention/energy to the right place.
Ok. Here's to a start - let's see where it takes us :)