brain dump rant bc generally feeling blegh
like what am i supposed to do with thiss hmmm, though you know theres a way out. but is like hard to actually find or even tackle that way out so its pretty frustrating. cycles and loops in life like this or that are in your head like this are dare i say hellish.
have yall ever had something to where you had to try and fix something but to fix that thing you had to already have that thing be fixed to even get started fixing it. so it like a loop paradox in your mind and its like "bruh this feeles hopeless"
Like man. But you know the more i noticed im aware of this the more i get closer to finding a solution. So alll hope isnt lost of course but its being patient and faithful that you will get yourself out of it. And i say faithful instead of hopeful because faith is assurance even if sometimes you dont have the evidence. its belief even when you dont see any "hope" which is when you have something to call a small "evidence" of your wish being able to be fulfilled.
So even if i didnt necessarily feel that ould figure this thing out and break out of it and even if i didnt "see" anything within myself or outside of myself that gives the look that there is a possiblilty of me braking out of this thing, i still have faith that i will no matter what. simply because i decied to. and eventually as i kept experieincing this thing i could see patterns etc. and that means that its possible to change it. "where there is a will there is a way" even if you dont fully see the "way. especially actually.