some thoughts that I'm having 2nite. RDJ'S CASTING AS VICTOR VON DOOM IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD HELLLOOOOOOOOOO. like I don't even know anything about dr. doom because I'm not really a comics guy... I would like to start reading comics sometime I gotta get on that prob. but like I just watch the movies and shows and stuff and read
corporate greed
is a parasite
to creative industries!!!!
anyways. so the other day I was at a mall with my sister and the guy working at zuminez was so cute lowkey. Highkey. sometimes when I see guys my age out in public I start to feel so inadequate and ugly and all I can think about is how nobody looks at me how they look at them. like everybody just sees through me and I don't know how to properly be a guy. Like I'm just always gonna be slightly off and masculinity is always gonna be just out of reach. the F on my birth certificate stands for failure actually because I just look like a failed version of a girl and a failed version of a guy. lolol sry to be a downer this is the real reason I go on this site. I talk about random things so I can then segue into sadder thoughts
I just want 2 know what's wrong with me.... I need a doctor to diagnose me with something maybe...... my mom jokingly mentioned that she thinks I have ADHD and I was like wait ive never thought of that... actually idk if it was really a joke but I really don't think I have it I think I'm just scatterbrained sometimes. I think it's actually more like executive dysfunction. or I am genuinely just lazy maybe. idk but there is something deeply wrong with me and idk what to do about it. but also I'm like relatively fine. sighs here's to hoping I don't fall apart and struggle to do basic tasks in senior year on top of FREAKING EVERYTHING ELSE COLLEGE AND FREAKY FREAKING AP BIO AND UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am stupid for this this is so stupid. also july was literally a blur like july 1st was genuinely yesterday I cannot tell you what I do with my time I actually do not know where it all goes and I am so sad about it I need summer to be eternal even though this summer sucked ass and balls. and not even in the fun way
lowkey my mental state like dropped so bad over summer Lolz but don't get me wrong I'm chill I don't really feel any different than usual but also I'm kind of not chill and I'm lowkey terrified for this school year to start because I'm worried I will not be able to cope. like if this is how I am over summer what am I gonna do when I have actual real things to do. is it normal to feel so incredibly detached from your body and your life and reality every single day ever because like IDK. I can't tell if the way I feel is just normal living or if it just feels normal to me. like am i experiencing derealization/ depersonalization ALL of the time or is this just how everybody feels or I'm making things up
or I'm not even really feeling that stuff at all or maybe I'm just doing this to myself and I actually just need to get good. ... but like WTF can I do about it. people always talk about being "present" and in the moment or whatever but I genuinely cannot like I feel so mindless all of the time. I don't feel like a real person I feel like some Thing that just floats around life and things just happen somehow. is that normal lmk. I'm hoping when I go on hrt later on everything starts feeling like it should but I'm also worried that it won't fix anything and then what am I gonna do???
Lol ok bye interweb!!!!!!!!!!! I am doing my best to water down my thoughts so that they arent too like Woah okay buddy take this to ur diary...... but also sometimes just writing about things isn't enough like I feel like I'm going insane keeping everything 2 myself all of the time. but it freaks me out that real people I know can read and see this so um Look away maybe. ok bye bye ttyl!!!!!!
I need to fix my sleep schedule before school starts. I have not slept good this past week but I feel like I can't allow myself to sleep longer because my priority is supposed to be waking up earlier but I'm so tired idk. for the past two weeks Pokemon Sleep (sleep tracker app but Pokemon) has given me an F grade.... I'M FAILING SLEEP... rip. I'm not sure if I am capable of waking up at 6 in the morning for zero period all the time. We'll see I guess..... this school year I am testing my limits!!! (save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save)
copious amounts of fanfiction on archiveofourown.org AND EVEN I KNOW THIS IS STUPID.... like even with no context, even without being a fan of this character or not knowing abt how he is supposed 2 be Romani and how thats a big part of his story, just the fact that robert downey jr is back as a DIFFERENT GUY is dumb to me... like that just sounds dumb. variants this variants that Who cares ho that shit doesnt even make sense in this case. why would your first introduction of this super big villain be a variant version of him instead of just the regular one?? its so obviously just a cash grab move it feels so uncreative and like the laziest casting ever. I keep getting tiktoks about like "omg it's gonna be so sad if peter has to fight dr doom and he thinks its tony" No it won't because I'll be too busy thinking about how stupid it is
if u wanna bring back some big actor to ur franchise fine!!! okay!!! but BE LOGICAL like idk be NORMAL. I remember wolvie died in logan so idrk how he's back in deadpool and wolverine but like. it can at least be explained in a logical way. at least hugh jackman is PLAYING THE SAME GUY. imagine they tried to bring him back for more marvel movies but instead he wasn't even the same character and he plays. IDK. a freaking wolverine variant of spider-man's dead uncle ben. IS THAT NOT THE STUPIDEST THING. I'm sorry as a MULTI BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION can you not come up with a better idea.. anyways I need to see Deadpool and Wolverine so bad
If you always get up late
You're never gonna be on time
If you always make it after work...
Broken Social Scene: Swimmers