moral courage & a lesson i learned

this is rly dumb and no one should give me the abiltiy to think abt things like this It’s not that Deep Bro.

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i read an article in my ap seminar class about moral courage and intelligent disobedience. for those who don't know, moral courage is defined as "the ability to stand up for and practice that which one considers ethical, moral behavior when faced with a dilemma, even if it means going against countervailing pressure to do otherwise". and obviously i had to think really hard about it because that's Who i be.

anyways, i think the universe just tested me on my moral courage and i think i just failed. and i think it was really stupid, and i don't even know why i tried so hard to argue my point. it was something super trivial like unfollowing my friends ex, except he did nothing wrong, and the breakup only had to do with her just not liking him like that. for some reason, this situation really stuck with me because the way it happened she had accepted that she is mean and toxic without making the effort not to be, so she made no efforts at all for this guy. i think there is a lot of factors that go into it, the way love is shown in your life, and we are two opposite people, especially in terms of our family, and i understand that, and i do not want to put her down for how she acts, because if anyone has a valid reason to act the way she does, she does.

well, she asked me to unfollow this guy. and idk what is wrong with me but i said no, there was no good reason too, guy did nothing wrong, it doesn't really matter since there was no harm done. he did not wrong her at all (except maybe have bad breath and also be unattractive in her eyes).

she got really mad and a whole argument ensued. what is the line between me being a good and loyal friend and me wanting to obey what i consider ethical and moral? since the initial day, i had a whole moral crisis where i there on decided if i can make the conscious effort to be a good person, i will. and i am not saying i have not been hateful or done bad things, because i definitely have and i definitely will in the future. but i want to give what i got to be nice i guess. i think especially now there is endless hate in the world, and i want to do what i can i guess. what i'm saying is, i made the rule for myself that if i can make the conscious decision to be good (although, good is a subjective term. by this, i mean ethically good in MY eyes), i will always choose the good option, even if it is the harder one. and i think i sound kind of pretentious and annoying saying that. this is kind of like another ap seminar article i read that was about like if you announce to other people that you are a virtuous person, does that really make you a truly virtuous person if you are only doing it for the validation of others? ap seminar makes me think too hard i think. Oh Man.

well anyways. i think my moral courage was tested tonight! its interesting seeing concepts you read about play out in real life. i felt it was my duty and the most ethical and moral choice to not unfollow this poor guy (it sounds so silly writing this out!). but my friend argued that it makes me a bad friend, and if i won't do this for her, i won't do anything else for her, especially considering she would undoubtedly do it for me. well, i stood my ground for so long. i like, tested the effects of moral courage. and (eventually, after arguing for like an hour and after she called me a bad friend and threatened to never talk to me again) i decided i did not want to deal with the consequences of this moral courage. so i failed. i broke my own rules and i was not morally courageous. and i know it sounds so dumb over what the topic was, but i think it is a lot deeper than whatever unfollowing a guy or not.

and maybe, by doing what i did, i was doing "good" in a different way. a lot of people argue loyalty versus morality. and i think i stand a lot more on the morality end of that spectrum. i have endless love for the people in my life, but i think maybe my morals often stand above that. however, that particular friend is extremely loyal, and i really value that about her. i think she is honestly one of the most loyal people i know and have. she once told me that i could be a horrible person to everyone around me, but she would still stand with me and support me. and that really stuck with me, because would i do the same? and i think the answer to that is really interesting, because i think it is more complicated than a yes or a no. i really value that friend, especially considering her loyalty. and i think that oftentimes, she does (honestly) a LOT of things that disagree with my morals. and they DO bother me a lot. but i will never do or say anything because her loyalty is something i value so much that those things do not matter to me, and i would stay loyal to her regardless of what she does. however, with maybe someone else, i would keep my morals above that and value morals more than my loyalties to that person. so i suppose for me, loyalty versus morals depends on the person, and it is not one-size-fits-all for me i guess.

so maybe i failed the moral courage test that the universe gave me, but i think i also learned that some fights are just not worth fighting when you have something (or someone) so important and rare at stake. someone that would do anything for me regardless of the morality of it.

although, i do think that right now, (especially since i am this age) my morals still are not straight and i do not have them all figured out, because i am a constant work in progress! i used to think i never knew the difference between right and wrong, and i think i've come pretty far since then maybe.

this was kind of a long and silly ramble... the universe should not have given me the ability to think about concepts like this because i get so in my head! Ta Ta for Now!