my really (un)interesting thoughts #19

first monyay of summer! (i ran out of things to think about)

• Composed on

HAI MULTIVERSERSS happy monyayyy!! keepin this going over summer :3 currently listening to britpop because yesterday i fell down the raabit hole of First music videos.... then live concert vids.. then vids of Blur... (the girls & boys music video is Fire) and then the rabbit hole of the awesomeness of damon albarn... gorillaz and blur? thats so awesome possum. anyways yey! its monyay! and this marks like 5 days until my jazz band audition is due and i am absolutely terrified and screwed... but i have nothing to do this week except practice and maybe im getting the hang of it!! i think... ill be OKAY. for piano. im just not gonna turn in the drum one i think. Sorry Nico. Sorry. dude he goes so over on the classes literally he went an HOUR OVER BRO. da frick. hes going to alaska or something for the next two weeks so literally when he was already 40 mins over he was like.... oh i guess ill just go 2 hours today and then u wont have a sub or class next week. Sigh. so no monyay next week (ill still post.) and we did lots.. of drum and piano.. SO MUCH. i like exploded ive never had to think this hard in my life.





"The world's on heroin

Everybody is standing in my way

I try to use my brain

Stupidity is thrown in my face"

"There's a real cool club on the other side of town

Where the real cool kids go to sit around and talk bad

About the other kids

Yeah, it's a real cool club and you're not part of it"

i literlallly have no words for it. im exited for this audition to be over and then my lfie will begin for REALLL! literally... just constantly workin hard. (hardly workin. i barely practiced). but i think i understand everything. it just needs practice. an d stuff. and i atually swore off social media this week!!!!!!!! so NO DISTRACtIONS!!!! me and some of my friends are doing it cuz idk church told them or something and now im copying them. no insta or T-t-t-twitter... or facebook (i broke it a bit. i didnt know facebook counted!!). and its hard i want to literally overshare on my insta close friends BUT I CANTTT!! but at least i can here. this doesn't count as social media... right. no one will know. Hehe. LOL anyways nico wrote "lock in!!" in a freaking email after class and i thought it was funny... so hip cool kid i guess. im so awkward. he was asking me questions bcecause we were taking a break or something and i told him about my sisters and.. that im going to an open mic this friday (not performing Lol) and that i need to buy a screwdriver this week. and hes going to alaska (is scared hes going to get eaten by a bear???) and has a sister 4 years older in nursing school but she hates school (then why go into nursing school??? what...) (i already knew he had a sister. sigh). and then he said something about the lead sheet being fucked up and i thought it was funny, it always surprises me when like.. adults (although hes like a kid. but still a teacher) curses. i grew up wayyy sheltered. *SHUDDER*. but everything is CHANGING!! and Independence. i can do WATEVER I WANNA!!! and its so aweomse!!! im so sad i have no monyay next week!!!!

i waas probably gonna get isaac as my sub and that wouldve been AWESOME because i love isaac hesssooo COOLLL dude and i lvove stalking his spotify cuz he has good stufPleaf on there!111 ill get him next NEXT monyay.... BRAH. k isaac... PLEAK!!! i wish i was a cool hip long haired indie boy who is really good at jazz and drums and guitar and bass and piano and everything ever. ugh i HATE THEM ALL. ok does anyone else get this way but i like it when people talk about me or somehthing about me when im right there and i could say it myself. like.eeee.... i was just out with my friend and she was liek talking to other people and was like "oh omg brooke had this crazy thing happen to her and her friends ... blah blah blah" LIKE THIS STORY I COULD TOTALLY SAY MYSELF BUT SHES TELLING IT FOR ME TO THE PEOPLE WHEN IM RIGHT THERE!!! i actually love it when people do that because like Omg you were listening to me when i told you that random thing that happened?? ANd u want to tell other peoplee for me ?? :3 that happened witwh nico today idk the owner came in and asked why we were going so song and he was like "oh ya she has an audition blah blah" or something and that made sense but like idk was like Omg!!. maybe i just feel so woman when i hear people use pronouns for me ever I gues.s. like Hahah Girly hooo you were listneing to me taaljkkkK!!!!! i liek feel like a super spy sometimes because i ltierally dont care abt pronouns or gender or crap like it doesnt matter and technically i use any pronouns but i stopped telling people that because.. too much effort and no one gaf anyways

"When I feel heavy metal

(Woo-hoo) And I'm pins and I'm needles

(Woo-hoo) Well, I lie and I'm easy

All of the time but I'm never sure why I need you

Pleased to meet you"

"I wouldn't be without my TV for a day Or even a minute

Don't even bother to use my brain any more

There's nothing left in it

We've got nothing better to do

Than watch TV and have a couple of brews"


and either way like i look girl call myslef girl and thats what everyone calls me thsese days so i guess thats what i be but secretly... secretly in my head i know what i am (i dgaf about it. thats what i am. (jk the word for it is gender apathetic but literally who cares. not me LOLOL)). anyways maybe thats why it surprises me when people talk about me with pronouns to me..... maybe just dont percieve me.!!! and i know usisng like.. diff pronouns but not telling anyone defeeats the whole purpose... but like idk. i just like knowing it myself. and then in the tiny rare ocassion soemone calls me something different its alwasy like Nice. i used to tell people but now i just avoid the question. like when we share prnouns in groups and stuff LITERALLY i just dont say them... idk. STAY MYSTERIOUS! (too mysterious. thats not something ur suposed to be mysterious about..). anywyas... i still like it when peopel talk for me when im right there. like thanks for listening to what i told you about myself!!! like Yey!! im happy its summer. this is my awesome girlboy summer (HAH). im liking the life without social media. even youtube vids are better than the endless instagram reels. this is the start of a neewww meeee and my hair is growing out and i can drive anywhere i wannntt! speaking of driving, the other day i was out at my friends house for my friends birthday and i was out for a long time (she lives like 5 mins away from me) and it was like 10:30 and i was like... i dont have a curfew... my paresnts are probably worrided about me! and i texted my mom and i was liek we should probs establish and curfew (cuz i dont want my parents worried. i know they get pretty worried. and now i can drive and dictate that stuff!!). and my friends were Freakkked

like Why tf would u ask ur parents for a curfew. and maybe it was stupid LOL but i hate worrying them. anyways they made it like 11... and they are RLLLYYY chill and its nice how chill they are (they let me drive 45 mins away to pick something up at a mall alone!!!!! it was so scary and i was shaking by the end. and then i looked up a youtube video on how to do a left turn. and now i feel a lot better about driving!!! living and learning!!!) . so the least i can give them back is not worrying them. so yeah... im gonna try to make a like... daily agenda to keep me on track each day because i can get distracted so easy and i need to get out of the house or else ILL GO CRAZY AND INSANE. haha. HAH. i should go to the park one day. to play rhyhm heaven (thats what i did oneyear and it was rly fun!). and so i made my list for tomorrow.... i hope i stay on top. june is a pretty bare bones month for me, everything starts picking up in july so yeah. just gotta get throguh this month. i hung out with a friend yesterday at my hosue that i usualy dont hang out with. we played rhythm heaven and zelda and it was fun... and i lieked hearing their crazy stories and stuff. its nice getting a diff perspective, but also, this person has gone through crazy shit in and out of psych hospitals and sometimes i just dont know how to respond. Oh man! it was cool we hung out tho. random! but still cool! they get me. i like the people that Get Me.

"Well bring it up and never touch the ground

And when you need me i'll be around

This is how it's gonna be if you don't get sick of me"

Yeah obviously!!!! :P... i feel like my life has slowed down so much... its a little too nice and smooth. ITS TOOOOOOO NICE AND SMOOTH. everythign is different now!!!! if i knew id be here a year ago... idk how id feel!!! happy..... sad......... idk. i miss my sisters though. I MISS THEM SO MUCH. being an only child freaking SUCKS! thats why i love my friends sosososo much because i dont have those rocks in my life anymore. being the youngest sucks so bad. but independeennnncccceeeeeee!!!!!!!!! all the seniors graduated and i thik its crazy ill never see those people evver again in my life. like theyre gone.wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thatll be me in a year. i think its crazy we cant tell the future. ill never know where ill be in a year... until im THERE! ill know what college im giong to... probably everything eeverr!! hopefulyl my hair is longre!!! LOL.. HEHE. anyways... i think thats all for today.. kinda a boring monyay,, sorry.. but please wish me luck on my jazz band audition!! (IM GOING TO NEED IT.) see ya next monyay :PPPP

my really (un)interesting thoughts #18

im Fr going to waitress hell

• Composed on

hello multiverse Freaks. its Meeeeee.... happy MONYAY! yay!! MEMORIAL DAY MONYAY. (tongue out emoji). Yeisss. ltos to talk about today. if i remember it all. maybe. anyways. Dude... i think im the most embarassing person ever on the planet. slash awkward. Sigh. ok but progreresss... i guess... no idk what im saying. anyways. i went to my STUPID freaking thing today. and guess the FREAK what. my audition is LESS THAN TWO FREAKING WEEKS AWAY. i might as well just go and explode and die before it hits june 9 because there AINT NO FREAKIN WAYY. its over for me. genuinely. sighh. anyways. so i went to a kraftwerk concert on friday and it was SICKKK like so cool i actually love kraftwerk SO MUCHHH!!! it was so cool and there were so many Hip millenials there it was insane.... i was so excited. i got this sick shirt and i wore it today to see it Freakdontsurf would say anything about it (because i like social experiements)(jk i just like looking cool... Ohh kraftwerk sooo Underground... SHUT UP) anyways my plan worked because he was like kraftwerk... i love them thats so sick.. i was like Ya i just saw them!!! on friday!! he wasl ike WATTT i didnt know they were having concerts? and i was like Ya Lol. it was so cool. Luv them. i saw Man Machine.. that album... and he was like Ermmmm... adn i was like the Red one... the one with the model... and he was like.. WATT thats the best one!!! that and computer world and trans europe express! and i was like ya those r pawwwsome.... it was so cool... Luved it





"So now you wait for his spark, you know it'll turn you on

He's gonna make you feel the way you wanna feel

When he starts to lie, when he makes you cry

You know I'll be there, my day will come

I know someday, I'll be the only one"

and he was like U go to lots of concerts? and i was like ya im going to more this year..adn he was like Which ones.... (YES MY PERFECCT OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK COOL AND HIP WITH ALL THE COOL AND HIP CRAAP IM SEEING. not really. Sigh). and i was like.. Yaaaaaa of Montreal... heavenly... and bikini kill... (i forgot im also going to david gilmour i guess too. didnt mention it. Wtv.) and he was like Omg thats sick.... i didnt know of Montreal was having a concert... when is it... then i started TWEAKIN OUT i waslike HahAhahAhuA Omg of MONTREAL IS MY FAVORITE BAND EVEERRRR hAhaHAha I Love HTem... ya its on June 21.. AHAHA.... and he was like Omgg.. a thursday.. i need to see if i can go.. ive seen them before.. its just that one guy right? (HES SEEN oM BEFORE??? OH MY GOSDDASFSD.) and i was like YasAsss.. SHHahaha Kevin Barnes... LOVEHIM.... HAHAH... iM SsoOosoo ExxCCiteddDddDd... so that was a good interaction. i was only a bit weird. Yiss. we did drums for the whole hour (AND 20 extra minutes what is wrong with him he is not getting paid for going overtime on every single damn class Bro. and i lowk suck. i lowkey dont wanna audition the drums because tehres no point i have no chance but i dont have the heart to tell him so.. Yeah. just have to work. twice as hard. and it sucks cuz half the Crap we're doing it like not translatable to my crappy aleisis electric kit so i cant rly practice. and esp the stupid positioning of my STUPID RIDE. i have no Freaking freedom to move anything with that damn kit and literally it sucks... and my stool is too high......

"Try to describe it to the limit of my ability

its there for a second then its givin up what it used to be

contained in my music is somehow more than just sound

this inspiration coming and twistin things around"

but im grateful i have it in the first place. drums is such an inaccessible instrument Dude. yeah. well anyways.. for some reason the studio got new cymbals... and i hate how they sound... they r like real cymbals but they r WEIRDDD and loud (yeah Idiot cymbals are loud... Ru dumb). they threw me off.... and the ride sounded weird.. but also ive only ever touched one irl acoustic drum set in my life and its the one from that studio so i think im being silly. Heh. we did.... stuff.. idk... jazzz.. practice... stuff... idk... tried my best. he MADE M.e.... FORCED ME... to like... idk mouth drumm...scat... IDK THE WORD but like vocalize it... and it was so horrible and awkawrd i almsot died right there and then. IM SO AWKWARD. FORCED ME FOR LIEK 5 MINS TO. ig... he was being funny about it... "THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS" "bboom tch cop boom bom da da da ba boom ssss da da clap" so Yeah. SIgh. i did it... i Swear im good just when im alone... too much pressure all the time i cantthanddleitt... wahtver. soloing and crap... bossa nova... Workinnn on it! and he made me... gotoo... piano.. and i did so bad.. and its so hot in there.. and i suck... and i almost died right there and then "ur face is so red" HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE HOW ABOUT I CRASH MYSELF INTO A TREE ON THE WAY HOME HOW IS THAT RED FOR U "its always so hot in here!" STOPPPPPPp EIDIOTTIOTJSOITHDFPGBJK. so Yah. and then i screamed and listned to rebellious screamy girl music on the way home.

"We are scientists in our lab

Looking through the microscope

The little glass slides, they never lie

How can this small mind cope?"

Hehehe. I love being dramatic Hheehehe :333 so that was MY monyay. lowk my fault for not practicing all week other than today. so ill really get it in this week. i sweaer I WILL DO IT! NO MORE OF THIS!!! yayyy....!!! its finals week... but i already feel like school is over. literally school gets out like 10-12 this whole week and i have ZEEROOOO finals. so im litreally chillin!!! so yep! i had kinda a crazy weekendddd too.. well friday was kraftwerk and itwas awesome. and on saturday i had my asb banquet (thank god... i dont have to see many of those people ever again..Haaha..) and it was ok... dude like people in asb r a different breed and the amount of casual body shaming and fatphobia from those people are insane and shocking that we are at this point. like genuinely. it was this breakfast thing and i constantly heard "big back" "fatty" how about shut up and let people eat? idc if its a joke? its.. not funny??? no one wants to hear you body shame yourself or anyone else? ok there was this like this pastry bowl with pastries and cinnamon rolls and muffins (it was a brunch banquet) and this girl was like "omg guys i love pastries!!!! does no one else love pastries but me??!?! what!!" and this other girl next to her was like "maybe im just not fat..." OK WAHT.?? THATS NOT NORMAL. THAT IS NOT NORMAL. HOW HAVE WE AS A WORLD GOTTEN TO THIS POINT. and then the first girl who likes pastries was like "ok.. pass me the fat bowl.." Dude. there is no way this is real.

"There’s nothing in this world that I would trade for you

And the air that moves between us must be bulletproof

My love Is a bat

Your heart Is a hemophiliac"

genuinely i dgaf that its a joke this whole "trend" of body shaming and fatphobia is reinforcing horrible horrible things in girls that it shouldn't and i dont understand why its funny. how the hell has this shit become normalized? or after the banquet (after like 10,0000 unfunny big back jokes. have you ever considered... that we need to eat... to live??!?!?!? that eating is.. normal.. and good??) some of them came to my house after to decide the asb list and the same thing. "omg guysss.. i cant eat these chips im literally so fat... someone stop me... im literally such a big back" -the skinniest person (while we were ALL eating chips. stfu). not to MENTION it reeks of fatphobia.. talking about being fat like its horrible and terrible and all this shit???? please shut up please please if i hear ONE MORE joke about it from a skinny person or if i see ONE MORE stupif ass weight loss instagram reel that has horrible unheatlhy 'tips' i am going to start spiraling and i literally swear to god i cannot deal with it anymor.e. i actually needed to step out of that banquet room it god so bad. it god so bad i was on the verge i cannot. have. this. happen. i swore this wouldnt happen this summer. so maybe writing it out will give me the... idk.. discipline to not fall back into bad habits. so its not all just in my head. its been to relevant. this isnt OKAY!!! DONT START IDIOTIC 'TRENDS' LIKE THIS MAYBE. jesus christ its like we are moving backwards or something, its genuinely terrifying. i think my first course of action is getting off of INSTAGRAM STUPID REELS!!! PLeaase it sucks so bad. im gonna LOOOOSEEE ITTT!!!! i hate instagram reels so much. and social media.

BY Vandals

BY descendents

"I once had a girlfriend. But then one day she dumped me.

And everywhere I'd go people would ask me where she was

I don't wanna talk about her. Someone always asks about her

So I tell them all "My girlfriend's dead""

"Statistically I'm far above the rest

I do my homework, never have to guess

My social life's an empty wreck

Romance is an alien labor"

literally genuinely i would quit all social media if i could but it sucks cuz i literallt CANT. ig i could twitter but thats not the problem its instagram. i managed to get off of tik tok but now im just on instagram reels. but instagram is literally my way of communication to most people and my friends now. deleting it would create way too much of a disconnect. also, i manage like 5 school instagram accounts and that just wouldn't be logical. i just don't know what to DOOO... maybe i shouold just watch dharr man eveyr time i want to wacth instagram reels. Ugh. i need to make some drastic change in my life or im gonna spiral this summer i KNOW IT! aanyways. while i was deciding the next year asb list with the other asb people there was a huge argument between the pres and vp and they started yelling and it was kinda scary... like im kinda scared for next year.. hearing a guy my age raise his voice like that (at a girl.. yikes) is just so odd. eyahhhh..... also i babysat this ADORABLE LITTLE 2 YEAR OLD NADIA shes my neighbors kid.... and Omg she is so adorable i had the best time. we colored and watched baby shark and i had... to change her diaper even though i had no idea how to so i just guessed... its pretty self explanatory.. right?! well i taught myself. and my neigbors had cameras everywhere through the whole hosue and they kept on turning on and off and it wasSCARY but also ya makes sense.

but was so fun and they paid ME $75 FOR IT WHATTT!!!! and they said they wanted me to babysit her again!!! SO YAYYY!!!! FIRST JOB???!?!?! I GUESS!!!! I GOT MY FIRST JOB!!! YAYAYAY! with the sweetest little girl ever... Love her so sososoo much.. and their house is so nice too!! yay :3 so im really excited about that. and for senior year too!! and now that i can drive and im allowed i finally have this awesome newfound feeling of independence.. like i can do anything and go anywhere when i want and stuff.. and i started cooking for myself because wow.... i realized i can make whatever i want with whatever ingredients for myself any day i want and its AWESOME.... i made spam musubi yesterday... spam fried rice.. and my go-to to make is cucumber saladddd its so good!!! so im so happy about that.. im a newfound chef. YAY!!! after my jazz band audition all will be awesome and chill and i will stay in good habits and clean my room maybe. and get good at everything and finish rhythm heaven megamix and read sick books on riot grrrl and the history of jazz (thanks mom for the b day gift LOL?). this is my time. Oh Yeah. :3 happy monyay everyone, see you next monyay, sleep tight and be awesome or seomthing idk...

goodnight :PPPPP

my really (un)interesting thoughts #17

People please start posting on multiverse again i dont want to be the only one Please…

• Composed on

yay.... last school monyay!

epic song of the week:






"Don't turn around, wa-uh-oh

(yeah-yeah)Der Kommissar's in town, wa-uh-oh

You're in his eye and you'll know why

The more you live, the faster you will die"

[lyrics translated from german]

helloooooo!!!!!! Bros this site is dead... after it died everyone forgot... pls start posting again.... PLEAK! yeyy... well anyways it monyay!! and the last monyay of school because next monyay is memorial day... YAY!!! JUNIOR YEAR IS ALMOST OVER! fianlllyy... im kind of excited to get out of here... college awesomeness YES! welp! monyay review! i made a candy salad in apes today.. and ate takis.. and tehn had pizza in broadcast.. so it was kind of Littttt..... bros ok i had my class with [REDACTED]dontsurf (hop off) and UGHHHHHHHHHHH bros i suck so bad at PIANO i know i say this every time but i suck!! anyways so i go in and hes liek do u wanna start w piano or drum and i was like PIANO.. and he was like Woah... u usually say u dont care. (IM SCREWED FOR THIS PIANO JAZZ BAND AUDITION ACTUALLY! THATS WHY. id MUCH RATHER BE PLAYING DRUMS) BRo. and we start with FREAKING blue 7 sonny HOElins. stupid IMPROV COMPING whatecer i hate it so much i dont know why i have such a mental block Gurl. idk... guys i sweaer Jazz piano is harder than all the other instruments in terms of jazz because every other instrument (more or less-ish) u can only play one note at a time but for piano you play a BUNCH and have SO MUCH MORE FREEDOM AND IT SUCKS SO HARD WHO CAME UP WITH THIS CRAP

Fire Songs

"Well, you can all just kiss off into the air

Behind my back, I can see them stare

They'll hurt me bad, but I won't mind

They'll hurt me bad, they do it all the time"

"Girls who want boys

Who like boys to be girls

Who do boys like they're girls

Who do girls like they're boys

Always should be someone you really love"

like i dunno learning curve crap. sigh... i try my best but i embarass myself as Always!!!! and im just soSOSOOOO awkward girl. sigh just be NORMAL GIRL. and he kept grabbin at my Damn phone to play the song... Just Freaking USE UR OWN DAMN PHONE (that he does NOT have a case on and its ALL CRACKED. da frick). and i had to go on spotify to open blue 7 and he saw i was listening to der kommissar.... and didn't comment. I TOOK THAT SONG FROM HIMMMMMUHHH (its a rly popular song..ig) and i searched.. and im scared he saw what i was searching for (it was literlally nothing interesting... or embarassing). Ugh. frekaing Ho. at least i did Fine on Ceora..... i feel so screwed for this audition though Bros. BUT i mean honestly i dont think theres many jazz pianists at my school... so i have a pretty good chance.. and they are in need of a pianist and Stuff... so even if i suck i think ill get in... but still its embarassing you know? so scary.. freaky.... and a guy that used to have a crush on me is in jazz band so i cant be bad in front of him because thats embarassing.. like... Brah. Only two more monyays until the Audition. HahahAHHDBAHDBHASAHAHA (IM SCREWED ITS OVER FOR ME). think positive Hah... Yis. so... positive. next year will be so awesome! i can feel it!!! im ready!! and ill practice all the time and be really good at everything!!! omg... BRODONTSURF freaking posted playing united states of whatever on the IG. freak.

like idk i think im the most awkward Gal ever. but like embrace it... awkward... is.. cool... (its not) (sigh). YEAH WHATEVA!!!! (liam lynch reference. Heh.) aywayss... i had a project for apes where i had to make like a diy sustainable thing so my Biffle Bae came over and we made cat scratchers together and it was Awesome and my cat scratcher is really Cute.... and anyway sometimes i feel like sometimes im keepin my Biffle bae a secret like... no one knows how cool and awesome she is... NO ONE KNOWS...too underground... she too mysterious and hip.... and lokwey we are so the same (aries twins) but also so different its acttuually crazy. i am NOT mysterious... no matter how much i try. but it like works. shoutout to da biffle bae ur actually the realest 1. also shoutout for reminding me to STAY POSITIVE. just in language in general towards myself its so easy to be so negative on urself... but no... every minor inconvenience does NOT make me want to KMS. #StayPositive. and its probably a good mental thing... if you say this stuff enough (good or bad) you start believing it... and stuff.. so... i need to be nicer to myself toO!!!!!!! Yay. Thanls. also. i was going through my old tweets on my priv twitter account thats just basically a diary and Dude i am SO glad i am not in the past anymore. like oh mman. im so glad im in THIS moment living this life right NOW because i was FREAKED UP back then dude. not like weird but i was so sad and in a genuienly horrible relationship in hindsight and im so glad its over

like oh man. that stuff was NOT NORMAL. like coming to terms with some of that crap i dealt with is like something i need to rememeber... bro i posted such sad stufff!! and i know i said in my last post that last summer wasnt bad because i was distracted in a relationship but i lied actually last summer sucked so bad and i was horribly depressed and mean to everyone!! and i did things i regret!! (but also i try to have no regrets. so NO REGERTS (but also yes, regerts.. but its a learning experience!)) and also my cat died LOL. RIP SULTAN. i just need to finally have a normal summer where im not superuper sad DUDE! this is the summer. THIS IS THE ONE! dude like sometimes i need to remind myself to look back and remind myself of how i got here in the first plcae because i forget EVERYTHING bad so easily,, its good but also sucks! like Yes live in the moment but remember how i got here, too!! and im glad im in this current position in life and i hope summer doesnt messs it all up and i stay Chillin. YAY! happy almost summer time! im excited.. actually.. as long as i stay busy and im not alone too much, itll be good.. but actually dude my sister (the one with a girlfriend) is staying in her college town over summer because idk... she doesnt like my parents. or wants freedom. and sometimes it feels like she abandoned me as soon as she went to college yk? like....the other day she was complaining about being with my parents alone for a trip, but i do that every day. and i understand i guess. but i feel like she forgot about me and went off to live her life, doesnt even want to come back for me. ill probably never live with her again or have what we used to have ever again. and every time anyone asks whos my best friend i always say her, but maybe im just being selfish by feeling like she abandoned me.

I LOVEW that song. HOOOEEEE HOP OFF. WHATEVA! bro. anywyas... speaking of men i Hate. i have a FREAKING GROUP PROEJCT *sobs* in FREAKING HISTORY (my least favorite class bc i know no one) and it sucks so bad... and my one friend in there... Shoutout Robert.. invited me to his group. of FREAKS. Bros i HATE talking to boys i feel like im tweakin out every time i have to talk to one.. like how you even treat them.. .Ew... cooties... or seomething... (im scared of boys probably because i only grew up with girls in my family other than my dad. thats probably why im a lesbian..). anyways these guys aare FREAKKYY and of COURSE we are doing a mash up presentation based on an essay we all wrote individually before and OFC I CHOSE TO WRITE MY ESSAY ON GAY PEOPLE like an IDIOT so now i have to present about gay people in this group of freaks who probably think gay people are FREAKS. and i am just sitting there... awkwardly.. trying to be normal.... shoutout Robert but why would you subject this on me. (hes the only normal one... except i dont understand half the words he says... i am not hip enough for this LIFE UHFDHGD). and then the group next to me was talking about planning a Hip Lit Func(tion) at an airbnb.. like i am not supposed to be here get me out of that DAMN HISTORY CLASS PLEASE I HATE IT THERE. WHY AM I THERE.

"I don't know what love is

Is there something else giving me the chills?

But if my hands are the color of blood

Then, baby, I can tell ya

Sure, I can tell ya

Love kills"

but i dont know. even last summer she did live at home, but even then it wasnt. normal. she went out every day was essentially NEVER EVER home, but when she was, she locked herself in her room and blasted music loudly or got high secretly (and denied it when i asked about our bathroom smelling like weed). i just remember feeling so frustrated with her. and yes we have our moments but idk i just feel like itll never be the same as it was. and her choosing not to come home this summer was like the final blow on it. i miss her and i just feel abandoned here at home while she goes off and lives her amazing life without me. sometimes it feels like she doesnt really think about the things she does, she just goes with the flow, i guess. doesnt really always consider everything.. shes just.. surface level on a lot of stuff.. i guess is the best way to describe it, which is kinda mean. i dunno. im probably being selfish and maybe a little jealous im stuck here. but it really sucks and i feel alone. i mean, i have my other sister, who i LOVE so much, and shes home for the summer, but she spends all her time with my mom and i dont always know how to talk to her like that. im glad shes here though, ive never felt abandoned by her,,, shes my rock, maybe. idk it all kinda sucks on that front, but im glad i have really good friends to depend on and stuff, they are awesome. thats the saddest thing about going to college, def... leaving my friends. i hope we stay friends. anyways Sorry got too sad there anyways happy monyay thanks monyayers for monyaying this monyay!!!! YYAYYY! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

"Rock n' roll is dead

Music hurts the head, that’s why it’s cool

Strum a realistic song to hear Hunter say:

"So much hate for anyone we used to date”

goodnight! :P

my really (un)interesting thoughts #16

Help the universe got me… it knows….

• Composed on

im so glad to be back on monyays....

song of da week


YAY FINALLY! Omg ive missed monyay multiverse posts so much NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ive been ITCHING... (to overshare on the internet)!!!! everything is finally normal now. exxcept now that its not... because today was so weird and i totally got karma.. for being the person that i am... Sigh. like do i deserve everything horrible that has happened? Yes. but am i still sad about it? Yes. Sigh. anyways. wheere does one start?! after SOOO LONG.... NO MONYAY SINCE MARCH!!!??? oh man. its hoirrble. PEACE IS RESTORED IN THIS WORLD! Thank god. i actually checked multiverse like every other day... in hope.. and I WAS RIGHT! anyways. my day. i got karma for being horrible today. and i lost my favorite chapstick. and on my THIRD day of driving myself to shcool (because im FINALLY allowed to drive myself now) i..... got in a fender bender.... SO EMBARASSING BRO THERES NO WAY. it was really minor... i barely scratched this guy.. and it was because i was STUPIDLYY STUPIDLY distracted by someone walking on the sidewalk like a FREAKING GODDAMN IDIOT. and i accidentally hit some guy (that was going very fast in my defnse) while taking a stupid left turn. the guy was nice... but i still had to give him my number. GOD IM SO STUPID AND DUMB THERES NO WAY.



"Neon lights

Shimmering neon lights

And at the fall of night

This city's made of lights"

like im actually just simply so embarassed and angry at myself for letting myself get distracted and just.. letting that happen. and i WANT to be mad at the world but i KNOW i deserve IT ALL. I HATE ITALLLL!!! im not untouchable. IM NOT UNTOUCHABLE!!! sigh. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. anyways. everything else was fine today... idk... i love my friends.... and stuff. yeah.. anyways. my Monyay activities. my CLASSSS!!! youd think that since early march that i wouldve actually gotten good... at drums.. and jazz piano... but no... i still suck really bad.. i think i feel improvement! especially in drums!!! but piano has really thrown me for a loop.. and THE JAZZ BAND AUDITION IS DUE ON JUNE 9!!!! THATS SO SOON!!! TOO SOON FOR ME TO GET GOOD BY THEN... (I CANNOT DO THAT). Hell naw. piano is jsut so tough.... WHY the FREAK do i have to understand WHY im playing all these notes and why cant i JUST PLAY THE NOTES. its so so SO hard to wrap my head around.. like in the song im practicing for my audition theres a D+7 chord. and i was like Da frick is a D+7?? and freaking nico is like.. "oh a D+7 is ACTUALLY just a Ab major 7 chord... but with D as a base" OK THEN WHY THE HELL IS IT WRITTEN AS A D+7 THEN??? WHY NOT JUST WRITE Ab MAJ 7/D!!!!???? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LEE MORGAN??? "blah blah something about perfect triads (or something i forgot) is why!!" ITS SO CONFUSING. WHY CANT I JUST PLAY THE NOTES WHYYYY.!?!?!? its dirving me crazy. there is no other time where i feel MORE stupid than when im in that room with nico and im trying to understand all this jazz theory CRap.

amazing songz

"I don't really like shades, big rims, or jewelry

But gettin' time of day from a model is new to me

Bein' me isn't as hard as it used to be

Now everyone sing the chorus, man, you do it so beautifully"

like genuinely. i ACTUALLY feel stupid... and Tbh ive never felt like that b4... like Truly helplessly not knowing something... like i kNOW he views me as this stupid person who just cant understand... i just dont know HOW to understand. its so fruterating. not to mention i work horribly under pressure.. and i do things well when im at home practicing alone but when he is in the room during a class i get really nervous that ill mess everything up and then i DO mess everything up. soo.... i just dont know how to let go of myself i Suppoese. i dunno... ill just keep trying because i really really really want this... just sounds so awesome. i also feel like im really improving in drums!! like to the point whhere all the stuff im doing is beyond my crappy aleisis electric kit (Please i want an acoustic kit SO BAD)... and brushes.. and stuff,... its really fun!! but not to put all my eggs in one basket, but my only chance to get into jazz band is with piano... percussion is basically impossible and their drummers are already insanely good and im... not... and they also dont have a piano player AT ALL.. so basically my only shot is through piano.. which sucks.. but also.. IDK!! im trying. a lot! but i CAN ALWAYS DO MORE.

"Take it the goal goal

Push it to the limit

We are the movers and we don’t do "stop" (Say what?)"

"The mirror ball's throwing mold

You can't get a grip if there's nothing to hold

See the flash catch a white lily laugh and wilt

But if you must smash a glass first fill it to the hilt"

IDK. i dont want to be so negative but ive been really disappointing myself as of late i need to CARE MORE!!!!!! ABOUT MORE!!! BE MORE AND DO MORE!!! but also... i think thats just my horrible haircut speaking and once it grows out it will all be ok. anyways. i really REALY want jazz band... like nothing more in my whole life have i wanted jazz band. anyways.... today during my class nico was all likke "oh ya i was looking up about the kendrick vs drake stuff... who are you team?" LOLLLLLLLLLL... i told him im doing a project on that for school for my class and he laughed... and im team kendrick.. Obvi.. (tbh i still am pretty lost on the whole thing but im trying to stay Hip with it) but that was funny.. and then at the end of the class he GAVE ME HIS NUMBER LMAOOOOOOOOOOO....he was like "oh yeah.. i know emails kinda weird... so ill just give you my number.. if you have any questions...." LOLOOLLLL NUMBER COPPEDDD LITERALLY COPPED. so yeah hes basically in love with me.... (Ew... EWEWEWEWW). that was so funny. so now i have his number LMAO. so yeah.. it was a decent class for a crappy monyay.. and i didn't crash into anything on the way there so that was a plus. (Ugh.) idk ill power on... WAIT GUSY. CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS ONLY TWO (2) MONYAYS UNTIL SHCOOL IS OVER??!?!? OH MY GOD YES YESS!!! IM SO EXCITED!! for it to be OVER and to BEGIN SENIOR YEAR!! GOD BLESS AMERICA! im so ready.. summers gonna be so awesome!!!!


yay jazz song of da week!!


IM A SUCCKERRR FOR BOSSA NOVA ILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO SAY IT!!! god. GOD I LOVE BOSSA NOVAAA.. this song is fire... its part of my jazz audition... lik,e oh man its Fire. i love love love the piano in it and i think the melody is super aweomse... shoutout mr simon... for the PMO.

like now that i can actually drive!!! and im allowed to!!! its like.. IT FOR ME!!!! YAYAYAYAY!!!! although, summer makes me nervous, because i hate hate hate being alone because me alone is like.. the worst part of me.. and i get weird and sad and just nothign is good. and last summer i was in a relationship so it was all ok and i was distracted mostly but the summer before that... like i dont... want that... again... and im nervous for this summer.. but i have awesome friends and things to do and internships and stuff... so !! i hope HOPE it will all be ok!! and i will read and practice instruments and all that... Sigh i wish i had an acoustic drum kit though. but i mean, im not pursuing any of this. so yeah. i am pretty excited for school to be over... one step closer to graduation, which, on one hand im looking forward to, independence and college and crap.. but also. the future is scary, and after senior year,,, ill never ever be a kid again! EVER!! and so.. i suppose i must make this year ReALLLYY count!!! SUPER MEGA!! enjoy it a lot!! pleasss!!! anyways... ii think things are going good right now!! besides todays mishaps and regrets... its smooth sailing from here. especially in terms of school... and stuff.. friends.. relationships... life.. and yeah. just need to get off the phone (curse you instagram reels!!!!!!) and be A KID!!!!!!! oh man i really missed multiverse... i wonder why/how it went back up.. i thought the owners forgot about it Tbh!! im so happy its back though... i have a horrible oversharing problem and im not as cool and mysterious as i would hope i am.. and multiverse helps me.. because i can overshare and be NOT myserious here.. and then be the cool NON-oversharer and mysterious person IRL!!! i guess i couldve gone on tumblr or something else but also i LOVE the creative aspect of multiverse.... its like mini graphic design blogs!!! idk i love it. and i TRIED neocities. im like never coding ever.

ohhh i was home alone this past weekend because my whole family went to my sisters grad in iowa but i had an exam so i stayed home.. and it was a fun good experience! i cooked and cleaned and took care of the cats and stuff and i liked it a lot... it was pretty crazy.. .and also i met a raccoon!! one night i went out at like 10pm (yeah dangerous i know but whatever im still alive) into my neighborhood.. and i kinda live on the point of a hill so theres this peak of the hill where everyone goes for sunsets and you can kinda just look down on the valley i live in ... and i went there (because i had to do at least ONE rebellious thing while my parents were away) and it was like... actually insane. going out at night like is so nice.... the crickets were so loud and i could hear like everything....... and all the bugs.. one of the bugs sounded like marbles bouncing together??? and there was a frog croaking?? and a dog barking in the distance,, LOL it was liek a perfect little fairytale scene or something... and i was just like.. looking out!! on the valley!! and the moon was right there. and im like. Oh man this is waht i want to do for a living (be in the world..... nature.. crap...). Perspectives..... and crap.. or seomthing... idk.... im not really deep liek that. but it was really good. and i think everyone should go on a night walk through their neighborhood.. and make friends with a raccoon and sit in trees (i have a favorite tree to sit in right next to the school next to my house... its so comfortable to just chill in.. so i also went there that night). anyways!!! HAPPY FIRST MONYAY SINCE MARCH!!! IM SO HAPPY MONYAYS ARE FINALLY BACK FINNALLY PEACE IS RESTORED AND EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AGAIN!!!!!!!! YIIPPPEEEE!!! STAY TUNED FOR ANOTHER MONYAY NEXT WEEK!! (assuming the site doesn't go down again) YAY!! love all the monyayers out there... even though everyone ever thinks this site is still dead probably. Rip. goodnight!



• Composed on

HELLO MULTIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS BACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed it so much. I'm finally free from the shackles (of having no multiverse). Hurrah!

my really (un)interesting thoughts #15

Boss(a nova)

• Composed on

HELLO INTERNET! happy monyay to ALL! YAY. monyay. of HELL WEEK. oh my god thi week is going to be too Freakin turnt for me. spirit week.. spring dance... everything. oh man. welp. We keep on keepin on. debrief this week: my class today was so Normal. almost.. too... normal... Jk. we started another song thats NOT tenor madness.. and it was Awessome it was (BOSS)A NOVA. Song for Mai Fatherrrrr. so FIre. Omg. on both Piano &drumsssssssss its so COOOLLLLLLL its like REAl LIFE AWESOME. but i still suck at my scales. and its still EMBARASSING. ugh. idk how to be good i literally practiced. Will try my best. Trust. nayyyyyyyy... >3<... Erm honestly not much to report today. Wow. what kind of monyay is this. ok first of all the fit was fire so 80s Asstheticcccccccc (one of those color block windbreakers). King. he asked me what 8 x 3 was for some reason.. soemthing abt the sheet music.. and i DID IT WITH MY FINGErS and i was so embarssing. i almost died. irl. he looked So diappointed actually like my whole generation is failed because i cant do 8 x 3 in my head. ITS NOT MY FAULT MATH ISNT MY FREAKIN SUBJECT JESUSSSSSSSSSSS BROOOOOOOO. but i Ate the friggin comping.. its so fun to Undedrstand OMmmggg :3. and bossa nova is SO FUN to play and do and everything i Love it so much. totally so COOOOOOOOOOL. i love feeling. so. Stupid. every. monyay. HAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh..




" I wanna be stereotyped

I wanna be classified

I wanna be masochistic

I wanna be a statistic

I wanna be a clone!

I want a suburban home!!!!!!!!!!"



"The wild escape

Disoriented, she takes herself

On a lunar safari

The sudden Odyssey

Far from a solar memory

The moon"

lyrics translated from French

lyrics translated from French

Seriously. dont think i ever feel more stupid. eff it we balll. nayways im jsut so excited. for Bosa ovaaaaaa. so Super cool. smooth jazz troll irl... or smooth jazz nyan cat (just discovered today)(i love nyan cat)( i got in trouble for watching nyan cat vids in class with my Biffle Bae today)(i was so emabrassed). speaking of Jazz.... my teacher advisor girl idk shes the advisor for the team im on is literally Kinda being weird abt things... like she was being so weird abtwanting to join jazz band.. and other things.. idk.. i think i need to distance myself cuz like she treats me like we r bffs.. Girl ur my teacher. u cant be my bff... Haha... PLEASE. and i think... i might not take her class next year if i get into jazz band... i dont know if i can handle her THAT much. it becomes this weird relationship where she treats me like we r bffs on the same level but then also shes my teacher. so obviously she has that over me and can use the "oh we r bffs ur literally my secretary adopted daughter" card on me when she wants..her way...but also she has authority and is a person of power over me.. so she can use it.. like to convince me or something.... like with jazz band.. or other things. and i know she wouldnt use it to her advtange in a WEIRD way. its just odd... and teacher student boundaries are def being crossed...... YIKES. i think i might just stop telling her things abt me. honestly i nkow she'd be so mad if i didn't take her class next year over Jazz band... but thats just the thing. shed be MAD. youre my teacher!!!! its MY life. ur like 40. and haeve 3 kids. Ok sorry. its just been bothering me lately.. shes a Queen. i swarrrr.... i just need to Stay Aware.

"Pale night, darkness falls, not a woman to be seen

You wonder how you will make it through, once at the mercy of the red birds

And suddenly, you remember this secret so well-kept:

"Our is not to do or die, our is to smoke and stay high"

the french people came and now i LUV Dem French Tunes. so. FIREEEE. the ones on the left are my highlightss. the electronic synth sound of France is so beaitful i Died. Help im soooooooooooo tired. last week i went to that jam session Tingyyyyy my teacher told me to go to with my Biffle Bae and it was soooooooooooooo Funny.... like it was a bumch of Hip Col teens all there... but they all KNEW eachother.. and we were like 30 mins late so we jsut kinda sat in the corner for 2 hours and watched these kids improvise......... for two hours... No one.. aproaching us.. (to be fair we didn't apprach anyone either but Stilll. we r valid. Shy.. and Scared... Naked and Afraid.... IM SO TIRED OH MY GOSH) but i sitll had a Pawsome time :3 its cool Getting out there. and trying new things... even if they don't work out. ITS THE EXPERIENCE!!!!!!! AND IT WAS AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEE. i think my teacher thought it was a jazz thing and it wasnt anyways LOL. still. i knew dat going in. YOLO! OMG. my sister FREAKING GOT A GIRLFRIEND. jesus. LIKE A REAL LIFE OFFICAL GIRLFRIEND. Oh she needs Gods love for this. at least her girlf is SO FREAKING COOL oh my GODUHHHHHH. so CRAZY. AND ALSO my sister just got like two new tattoss. genuinely shes livin da life. but my parents will iterally disown her that is actually so crazy. i hope she wins everything *CRY EMOJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII* i lvoe my sister so much actually shes my qUeen. so exctied for spring break. after HELL WEEEEEK. im so TIRED of the CYCLE i know i keep saying this but WHEN DOES IT END? IS THIS HOW LIFE JUST GOES ON FOREVER LIKE THIS? week weekend week weeke

like GOD im sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN DOES IT END WHENNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! Help oh my GODUHHHHHHHHHHHh. (keeping the minsdset trust)i have to dress up tmrw and idk what as.. some music thing. i wanted to be a beastie boy but i dont want people to think im just a generic rapper... and idk how to make it clear im a beastie boy. maybe ill go full drag queen for Kevin Barnes (I LOVE YOU KEVIN BARNES OH MY GOD). Jeez this monyay was so short...lacked so much debrief... i had a Long Week. and i had SO MUCH HOMEOWRKKKKKKKK oh my hof i had to start this later than my normal time. the Grind. Keep. Grinding. im frgrinding. PLAEASE. LET ME GRINFd. im ging to fall asleep at my Freaking keyboard. i had to grind it out though. thanks all da monyayers... sorry for the disappointing monyay this monyay. ill come back strong next monyay. TRUST. TRUUSTTT!!!!

smooth jazz nyan cat says Baiii and Goodnight!!!

my really (un)interesting thoughts #14

HOP OFF RN. RN!!!!!!!!!!

• Composed on

yellow internet!



or.. more like SAD MONYAY! oh my god. because someone. will NOT HOP OFFFFF!!!!!!! sigh. well first of all... i got sick this weekend so i was so sad.. and i have cramps today.. and so i was EXTRA sad. but it wasn't that bad. i was so tired and sad today at school... (not rly). anyways. the MAN WHO WILL NOT FREAKING HOP OFF. so i walk into this studio. hes like Ok Brb lemme get Dem brushes. Okie. we start with dem drums. Okie. i learned this SUPER MEGA HARD STUFF. like. flim flams (....MY LITTLE PONY oh my GOSH) or something like that... like grace notes.. which iSUCK *cry* but i think it was the position of the pad anyway... and then we do BUZZ ROLLS. and if u dont know what theese STUPID THINGS ARE oh my goh its so hard the internet makes it look SO EASSY Help Me. im trying so hard. SO..HARD!! but i. Yeah. but it was chill. i try my best. im so awkward i say "Cool Yeah" all the timeUHHGH!! and he tells me something about the history of drums and military and then goes "yeah who cares"... HELPPPPP (i do.Pls. PlsPLSPLSPLS.) so anyways. WE. START.. BRUSHES!!! for the first time EVER! and this.. was so.. COOOL. oh my god. i felt like a fancy little brush Gal. wavin them around.. and stuf... well anyways this guy (very UNASSURINGLY) goes "yeah im glad u r interested in this stuff cuz Tbh brushes are many drummers weakness.. including me.. like im not that great sooo im glad i can teach u and get better myself" HELP WAHTTTTTTTTTT. well Thx.. but Wut.

*lyrics translated from Portuguese*

"Sunny day, flower smell

I like the sea, love

Your color, moonlight

Wind that comes from the sea

whirls, spins, twirls the wind

My love will take you

Far beyond the end of the world

Where i will call you"

"Take me in your hands

Take me to a moon in the Clouds

My heart in your hands

My Heart has passed a thousand Door

My life In your hands

Get the Life which gone and Which i lost back to me"

*lyrics translated from Arabic*

*lyrics translated from Portuguese*


well brushes were SUPER UPER cool. but oddly like.. its so funny watchiing someone (Nico) use them because its jsut like.. caressing the freaking drum head with a BRUSH LOL LIKE UR PETTING IT!. and he like stares me dead in the eye doing that stupid music concentrating face ITS SO FUNNY and SO AWKWARD. like genuinely brushes is so funy i swaer it feels so intimate LOLLLLLLL. this poor snare head has taken such a beating its whole life being literally slammed and hit every freaking second.. you can give it a little chill break by.... petting it with a brush.... LOLLL AM I MAKING IT WEIRD...ITS JUST SO FUNNY. and you do this thing where you like 'stir' it and the whole thing is you just .. STIR IT. with ur brush. ITS FUNNYI SWEAR. well anyways it was SUPER mega cool. and he was like "u should get ur own brushes Btw. after this u shuld go to guitar center (right nextdoor) so i was like Okie. well im TOTALLY KILLING IT ON THE BRUSHES. he was like Yess Go gurlll (he wasn't) and then im doing some thing idk with them and youll never guess. I MY HANDS START SHAKING AGAIN. oh my god what is wrong with me why am i always shaking during this damn class. maybe because SOMEONE IS LITERALLY ON ME ALL THE FREAKING TIME HOP THE FREAK OFF. like he is so close STARING at me do this LIKE 2 INCHES AWAY oh my god in that tiny freaking room OF COURSE IM GONNA START SHAKING THATS SO MUCH PRESSURE?. and he POINTS IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! "haah ur shaking..." OH MY GOFD HOP OFF. i just laughed. awkwardly this time. why does this happen EVERY WEEK.

"Come, because day has broken

Gardens are blooming

Everything is a presentiment

That this is the longed for time

To be happy"


Literlly. Jesus christ. well brushes was chill and cool and we lowk did that for most of the hour and it was awesome. Sigh. so then... it was Piano time. and heres where it ALL WENT DOWNHILL. IM AC TUALLY KILING MYELF. RN. oh my GODUH. we go. i practiced. a BIT. a bit. probably didn't practice what i was supposed to practice bc i forogt. This. Guy. oh my god. PISSED. OFF. AT ME. JESUS. HOP OFFFFFFF!!!! i know he was probably using scare tactics on me but Jesus. we were doing like idk chords or someting and i always forget scales/chords and i need to think hard abt it to remember cuz idk THERES 60+ DAMN SCALES IN THE DAMN PIANO. and hes like "you know brooke YOU were the one to assk me to play jazz on the piano and if you want to be the difference between a casual player and someone super awesome, which i know you can be, YOU HAVE TO MEMORIZE UR SCALES.. How many times do u practice piano.. probably not as much as the drums, HUH? yeah thats what i thought. well if ur NOT GONNA PUT ANY EFFORT into the FREAKING PIANO at HOME then theres NO POINT and i can just teach you drums the whole hour, do you want that??? YOU have to put the EFFORT IN. try playing a b flat minor arpeggio RIGHT NOW. (*i DO but it takes me a few seconds and i get a note wrong at first ). YEAH EXACTLY. at this point in a song the chord has already passed. you NEED TO KNOW IT or theres no POINT IN THESE LESSONS." OH. MY. GOD. HOP. OFFFFF!!!! JESUS. CHRIST. THREATENING TO STOP TEACHING ME THE PIANO IS SOOOOO CRAZYY!!!!


and so i FINALYL spot the brushes when HE WALKS UP TO THEM. and hes like "Oh yeah i came to buy brushes and sticks but Godamn brushes are so expensive (THEY ARE FREAKING $30+?????? GODDAMN. FOR A PAIR OF METAL BRUSHES.) so im just getting sticks"... liek Lit. so he like picks something like 'u should get these' and like ive never seen brushes in my life before this day so im like Okay Yah. and bro goes "sooo.. u have an allowance or something.. these r expensive" i was like Yah i do.. Hah. SO. AWKWARD. im about to spring out of that guitar center right then and there. i take the brushes.. i take them out of there package to see.. and they look... like brushes..(IDK???) so yeah.. he shows me these like fancy bent ones and i was like Wow fancy... and he was like Yah.. these make a diff sound.. Cooollllll... Okay. so i LEAVE. HIGHTAIL. with those brushes. i pay but he follows WATCHING ME LIKE A HAWK AS I PAY IM SO AWKWARD AT THAT DAMN CASH REGISTER. HE HAS A FREAKING STARING PROBLEM OH MY GOD HOP OFF. and i payed $31 for those purple brushes. Thanks. i was so awkward. but i at least wave goodbye. I LEAVE THANK GOD ITS ALL OVER. one more week until next monyay. im going to start tweaking out. genuinely . sigh. so it was quite an unsuccessful monyay. and i think i need to explode. RIGHT NOW. God. DAMN. i guess i need to FREAKING practice my DAMN SCALES. and also the drum stuff i learned isn't transferrable to my crappy electric kit bbecause it too fancy.. like.. buzz.. rolls... and brusshes.. dont rly work on dat.. so i think i will go and KKKMsklFMSKMsm. my life.. is so... hard... AND HOW AM I SUPOSED TO PRACTICE WHEN I GET HOOME AT 7PM EVERY SINGLE FERAIKING NIGHT AND THEN I HAVE TO EAT AND DO MY HOMEWORK AND SHOWER. HOW. HOOOOWWWWWW. Pls. im gonna lose it. So bad. also my like french cousins are coming to my house for three days? and i dont want to be loud for their french ears.

like literally at this point Jusstttt tell me you hate me Brother. and first of all i KNOW my scales. i am just bad at them and i cant do them like the back of my hand. Jesus. thank you for 10+ years of piano lessons for failing me! i need to get out of that mindset and pretend like ive never touched this damn intrument before because thats lowk why i dont practice ( I DO PRACTICE. just not my scales.). UGH. and i know it was a scare tactic to make me practice them but HARSH MUCH>??? like COME ON. maybe ILL turn the tables and threaten to drop out and then he'll have no one to teach jazz stuff to. how do you like THEM APPLES NICO. im kidding. Sigh. im sick of these people. soo... sick.... and the darn class ended. i was like "Ok. COol. Got it. Haha. PLEASE PLEAS EPLEAEPLEASEPLEASE". (not rly). he tells me to buy brushes.. something something.. gives me the damn papers he forgot last week...gives me some badge.. and tells me to have fun at this open mic thing im going to with my BIffle Bae (even though we aren't playing anything). i leave and my dad isn't there to get me yet so i just go to guitar center to get the brushes while i wait and FREAKING. THE OPP. HIMSELF. NICO. COMES IN RIGHT AFTER ME. as if i HAVENT SEEN HIM ENOUGH. like OK HEY. and my dad isn't here to protext me. so we BOTH GO TO THe DAMN DRUM SECTION and i DONT FREAKING KNOW WHERE THESE DAMN BRUSHES ARE because ive only been there ONCE IN MY LIFE to buy STICKS. so i go to sticks... exactly where HE IS... and IDK WHERE these damn brushes are so i look like a stupid idiot looking for these. so awkward. hes like "oh brushes r here" i go to the OPPOSITE END LIKE AN IDIOT. im like Oh Lol ive only been here once( like an IDIOT !!!)

this song is awesome. lovely piano (maybe me when i memeorize my damn scales ok go KYS!). spotify recommended. so fire. so obsessed with these patterns and moves and grooves and OH MAN samba is so fire i actually CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF IT RN!!!! thank you the internet and no one else. Sigh.

the lyrics are impossible to find anywhere? and i dont speak portuguese... but this song is SO FIRE. i feel like partying and dancing. my school is having a rio(the bird movie.. but we can pretend its the city) themed dance and so ive been so obsessed with brazillian dance samba?.. in hope asb will listen to me and play some at the dance. i even sent them a playlist Help.so awesome.


(a classic, but this version is my absolute favorite!)

*lyrics translated from Portuguese*

"Your love is rain,

my heart the flower

I need your love or I will die

My very life is in your power

Will I wither and fade or bloom to the sky?"

like.. i heard they spoke no english? Help. i dont even know any of them. im not even related to any of them... neither is anyone in my family.. something about my grandpa in law or something. but yeah.. apparently they have a 5 year old french girl sooo that seems like fun.. at my house.... until thursday.... yesssss.... maybe ill play them Cortex... they are french right...? idk. maybe im faking . or Naw. omg. idk how im supposed to live my whole life like this. WEEK then WEEKEND then WEEK then WEEKEND. everything feels the same and everything is blending together all into one and im so sick of it. but its like less than a month until my birthday. i still dont knwo what i will ask for... rhythm heaven megamix.. or project diva on the switch (for $40?? Jesus).... or an acoustic drum kit (but where wouuld i put it? but i want it so bad... i can practice in the garage... then i could play dem fancy stuff)... but then again i want to go camping or something.. but my dad was being weird about it (what so wrong with taking a trip to yosemite during spring break?... or even the giant sequoias... anything to get me INTO A FOREST PLEASEUH. give me a CHANGE this is too stagnant!!!!). well on the bright side i was allowed to drive ALONE for the FIRST TIME on saturday! with my license! im sooo happyyyy!!! i just drove to school for some boring volunteer thing but i DROVE with my LICENSE ALL ALONENENENEN!!!!!! i felt so awesome and cool. THIS MARKS A NEW POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME AND IM INDEPENDENT!!!! Pls. Pls. but my dad didn't let me drive alone to my lesson today... prolly cuz it was raining and theres an unprotected left turn (that i NAIL every time Thx Dad). so thats a really good thing. its all good really.

and im trying. SO. HARD. TO KEEP THE MINDSET. it was not bad for a while but now it ssucks cuz im on my period. but NOT. BAAAAAAD! i think. i hope. even though nico was being an opp today i don't really feel so bad. i was just exaggerating :3 but its true that im actually the most awkward person ever. but You live on I suppose. im going to ask to drive to youth groups on wednesday and hopefully it goes well. but youth groups isnt the same anymore.. my one friend smells bad and the other girls are way too christian they make everyone else feel dumb (please. one told me i cant say GOAT cuz its like the devil or something. HOP OFF and CALM DOWN.) so yeah. and im forgetting everyone too. on one hand its a good thing... but i feel really stupid because i dont remember the people i used to know like the back of my hand. i totally forgot someone who used to be really important to me the other day. and it scared me. i dont even rememebr her anymore. JEsus. freaks me out so bad. although i do think i just have the most horrible memory ever (COUGH me not MEMORIZING MY DAMN SCALES NICO.) and sometimes its good but sometimes its so frustrating. it makes me scared that there some really important event in my life that my brain completely forgot. well at leaast im a PROJECT SEKAI GOAT! are girls into that. Lesbians wya. PLEASE. im constnalty looking. but Naw. sigh one day. thank you. well i am going to go PRACTICE MY DAMN SCALES YOU FREAKING SICKO PERV NICO OH MY GOD HOP THE FREAK OFF. thanks everyone and i will catch you next week for another (hopefully less sickening) MONYAY!!!!!!!!!!


i was told to find quotes in my class and now this happened. also an old friend started a PODCAST. Jesus. also. i totally effed up. Oh. Heck. Naw.

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im super hard on myself about not being the person i want to be

but also everyone is!.. like seeing people on social media and comparing.. its normal right!

and that is sort of what social media is made for

comparing with friends!

i mean ive been SO obsessed with copying these random people

and everyone knows it... and everyone falls into the comparison trap

and in some ways , inspiration itself is good

but its never good enough and ill never be just exactly who i WANT to be

...if that makes sense!

and it makes me wonder if the people i want to be like also feel the same way!

i like this message i saw when i was on a trip to spain a lot!!

are they comparing too or is their lack of comparison what causes them to be so creative that people want to be them?

it translates to "please don't ask me not to be me"

i just think its super cool! well first of all i LOVE graffiti art.. its my favorite!

but i enjoy the message as well as the execution anyways....

and there is so much of it in spain, its insane

although being your own identity of a person is impossible..

and i tried making it my life motto since... kind of....

we are constantly copying others around us, whether we are conscious of it or not!

and i think thats awesome UNTIL it becomes a comparison...which ruins peoples lifes!!!!!!!

and i believe no matter how much i copy other people i will never ever reach who i want to be until i am happy with who i am right now

its always who i WANT to be, instead of who i am at THIS moment

ok.. enough of this... GOODNIGHT!

Sometimes, being OK is good enough.

ty rhythm heaven. and ty to my history teacher for making this class so damn easy its stupid.

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hey the internet....

its me brooke again!!

so im writing this..

i currently have nothing to do in history class..

because i accidentally did everything yesterday

this >>>>>>

is my american images project... i like it ithink

i think i maybe want to make collages on photoshop because this is kind of awesome!

although i have no time anymore for it...

no time for ANYTHING EVER!

<< i like this rhythm heaven screen.. i love rhythm heaven!

yesterday, i got hypnospace outlaw too!

my really (un)interesting thoughts #13

hello typical weekly oversharing Sesh

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new theme Who Dis. hello my monyayers! omg kraftwerk started playing im gonna Explode i luv dem. welp! i had NNOO SCHOOOL today and it was so Awesome. jk i kind of sat around and watched hermitcraft and danny gonzalez all day.. awkward.. but DESERVED omg i spent my whole weekend sat and sun doing school work morning to night no exaggeration. they were not lying about this year being tough. idk how im gonna make it Tbh. but whatever. its debrief time anyways soo. lesson today. Kingdontsurf. was HERE. ty. Sigh. im always so sweaty. and he's like consistently doing that thing where he sits like 2 freaking inches away bro calm DOWN JESUSSS. well i was doing freaking whatever triplet comping but with the kick and it SUCKS i wwas so nervous. i think im way better NOT in that darn classroom because of the Pressure. so i act like im worse than i am. LOL. like wut. like im focusing trying so hard. BUT ITS SO EMBARASSING to mes up. anyways i was Lowk struggling and it didn't sound even at all even. but Whatever. anyways my King isaac walked in and wuz like Hey Brookeee and i was like Omg Hai and he was like NICO JUST MAKING SURE UR GONNA SHOW HER THIS *shows thing on his phone*. and nico was like Yah i will dont you fret. and then he left. AND NICO GIVES A LOOK>??? and he SAID "hes trying to steal u from me because he knows ur a good student" WHATAAATTTT DA FRICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

awesome songs this week:


"Fun in my head

Is this real or a dream instead?

This is where I wanna be'

Cause it's just way too fun to leave"


LOL. so basically i think i win!. Jk. Hah. anyways.. i do it and i suck but then hes like "well you know when my Pal isaac is doing (insert some complicated super hard drum word).. it doesnt sound perfect because its not lined up.. but its still Super Awesome and Impressive and Wow. and thats liek you". and like.. i dont think what i was doing was... even CLOSE to whatever that thing he was talking about.. so Maybe an over.. reaction? idk. but Thanks. i take what i can get. even though i nnKJFHKJFGHLKFJ. OK and then so we movevd onto combining kick and snare in comping with triplet and stuff IDK THE REAL WORDS and im Like 'omg i Liek trad grip now.. its easier" and he was like Oh Yeah how did u do it.. and i was like I looked up a tutorial. and he was like SHOW ME. (JESUS CHRIT). and im like sweating shaking and hes like "y ur hands r shaking Lol" HELPPPPPP WUT DA HECK. and so i show him and he GRABS MY FFREAING HAND AAGAIN CALM DOWN. not rly. but hewas like Yah dats good. but anyways backstory i ate a whole bag of xtra spicy hot cheetos yesterday and they stained my fingers red and i HATE THAT. and i was FREAKING OUT because i was like Omg hes gonna see my nnasty fingers even worse now. but i scrubbed in the shower. so problem averted. BUT STILL. anyways i was like "its a lot of pressure Haha". WTF.


WHO SAYS THAT. and why am i ALWAYS SHAKING? Jeussus Christ. well i was fact speakin'. trad grip Feels cool but also like i think im better doinfg triplets or WHatevr. and he was like Yah ur better with trad grip i can tell! and i was like Aw Thx >_<<. well anyways i learned Crazy things. (we just combined kick and snare with the triplet comping thing). and i was Okay. i like practinc that Stuxfx. and being good later. and then i don't evnen know what i learned it was like triplet 16th stuff Da frick i dont know. but Trying my best. and it was ok.. i need to get better at not zoning out at people talking about things i think it's my worst trait. i habe suchh a hard time keeping attenion at that stuff. i need to see it. tto get it. maybbee.. idk. well we moved to my Dreaded. Piano. that i avoided for like two weeks because COMPING :CRY EMOJI:. and like Broooooke. god idk waht it is. with my comprehension. but i SUCK AT MEMORIZING CHORD INVERSIONS and SCALE STUFF. god. like SUCK SUCK. and like. EVERYONE knows that. Sigh. well we did Not jump straight into comping and Took it slow which was sooo much better. and i think i got it the most ive ever gotten it! so i think i will not avoid mmy piano this week. but im so impatient. sitting there an inverting a chord for 10 minutes is SO BORING!!!! ill try my best. well anyway he told me to like visit my schools and talk to da jazz band room but that sounds terrifying.

"If I rewind my baby

If I rewind, rhythm and knowledge, get

I rewind my baby

Every color of you"

my best jazz finds this week:


and also the tning isac was talking about was this like Teen music night or something where Teens come and play music.. it wasnt a jazz thing jsut a Thing. but i think i will go.. its kinda far though. maybe ill invite my Biffle Bae to come with. heeheheehe :3. but he was like Yeah i can try and u could play stuff.. which is WAY outside my comfort zone so idk but its on march 1. so proabbly not. i kinda wanna go just for the nice community or whatever. get out there. meet people. try something new. maybe there waill be a Cool lesbian musician girl . PLEASE. PLEASE. UGHHHHHHH. well anyways. thats it. OH and LOOL like a couple weeks ago i had to back out when leaving wahetevr and my CAR WAS PARKED NEXT TO KINGDONTSURF. and i was so scared. and today he was like Haha i saw you backing out Lol hows dat permit. and i was like i GOT MY LICENSE! and he was like "Oh yeah do u know what to do when you HYDROPLANE?" and i was like.. Idk waht hydroplaning is. and he told me. LOLLL.. ok that was it today. in what happened. anyways. the absolute LOVE of my LIFE made this new playlist with some Fire Beats that i love and im SO MAD SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE OH MY GOD. she is SO COOL. and her girlfriend. IS EVIL AND HORRIBLE (im not joking. shess actually a weird person). and im so SICK of seeing them together. I NEED HER SOOO BAD. ONLY I CAN UNDERSTAND HER AND HER SOFICISITICATEDNESS! i Hate lesbians. is it weird if im liking her playlists or Naw. well she followed me back on spotify so. but she BLOCKED ME FROM HER STORY on main. but whatevr. idc. im playing the long game and waiting for her and her STUPID MEAN girlfriend to breakup. JUST YOU WAIT. sigh. OMG i just spotted my biffle bae listneing to my FAVE mils davis song on spotify im about to Bust. i love it.

"Walk round this fucking town

I like when you're not around

I hate when you call

I don't want nothing from you at all"


A CLASSIC! but so. so. GOOD! OH M OGOODDDD it scratches every itch i cant even describe it. reminds me of when i was obsessed with darcy lynn and that. but now its in like.. a different way. hits JUST AS HARD!!! Luv u charchar.

the drums in this song is so FIRE. specifically in this version! i THINK its with brushes which is SOOO COOLLLLL wat da frick.. idk dont quote me on that. BUT it is sooooo awesoMMEE oh mah god i found isaac's spotify because Obvi i did and Ty he put me onto this Banger on one of his playlistss.. my BOSS(a nova)

so Fire. yayy. dude. school is genuinely making me so crazy im gonna lose it. i have nonstop homework every night the only option i have is to grindddddddd. and freaking envirothon meetings are gonna start meeting AFTERSCHOOL UNTIL 6:30 THREE TIMES A WEEKUHHHH. oh mtn GBOODSSdsd im gonna lose it. i love you envirothon. but Jesus. Chrsist. im gonna lose my mind. ap seminar grind is insane and so stressful. idk how im gonna have time to be normal. even this 3 DAY WEEKEND i barely have time. dude. every week is just passing and passing now. its like theres no end. week then weekend week then weekend. idk what changed but its so much and so so mcuh. im FOR REAL IN PURGATORY oh naw. i wish i was able to do cool productive things like go out and take pics or maybe collage or even read but oh man. Ohhh Mannn. it. is tough. to stay motivated. ive been trying sooooooo hard to keep the mindset but life and everything is so overwhelming i can barely just stop to breathe for a second!!! in EVERYTING! asb is insane. speaking of... applications are opening and i think i am going to EXPLODE. because idk if someone is gonna go against me for historian and im so scared im gonna pee everywhere genuinely PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET NO ONE GO AGAINST ME PLEASE LET EVERYONE BE AFRAID OF ME. this is the BIGGEST deal of my life. and Jesus God. if ssome first year freaking newbie beats me for historian because shes a popular girl cheerleader i'll genuinely. Eye. Twitch. Trying. SO. Hard. but election results come out on my BIRTHDAY oh HECK NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

well i think my passion is watching what people are listening to on spotify... its so fun. like i know.. what ur doing rn. HeHe. OMG also i applied to TWO SUMMER INTERNSHIPS THIS WEEKEND!! so i feel decently accomplished like YAY !!! i hope i get accepted into the ycc yellowstone one. because i want to live in a secluded forest for a month without my phone, hours and hours away from.. everyone i know.. that CRAZY!!! but so awesome. PLEASE ACCEPT ME!!! well. i conclude this monyay pondering the question: WHY IS CHET BAKER BANNED? I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW. but maybe i will never know. thanks all my monyayers for making this monyay possible. love and hearts and kisses to all you on the internetzzies :3

my really (un)interesting thoughts #12


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good evening the internet! annnd i wish you a......

song this week goes to!


YAY! finally it is monyay and we have a whole week ahead of us. trying to stay so excited... like its valentines day! im super excited :3 i am gonna hangout with my two BIFFLES and also go to youth groups... :3 which is awesome.. im so exctied! ohhh Man. okk. i had a substitue teacher today in my music lesssons!! no Kingdontsurf... Sigh. jk. it was actually so aweosme. i had this guy named isaac as my teacher and he was super cool! he was super chill so i felt comfortable to like talk and stuff (cough NATE THE FREAK cough. i hate seeing him.). welp! i liked this guy isaac a loottt! i like how he viewed things.. it was cool. also he explained things good. like... he explained music like it was a sentence and every little measure you play is a word! and i was like Wow mind blown dats awesome! and he was funny.. he taught me like listening and copying things and Ugh. right after i got good at reading sheet music BAM hes telling me NOT TO read sheet music Ugh. but i did good i think. and he taught me techniques for hitting the kick faster... and he taught me better than the youtube videos i watched! it was pretty awesome. and also he said that Nico told him ALL about me. and that FREAKED ME OUT. when people say that ITS SO SCARY!?? "oh ya ive heard ALL about you".. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

"Bring the world together, only to tear it apart. Document the moment, thought it'd make great art. Testify to no one, the message is so clear. The ones you choose to lead you are the ones that you should fear"

song this week goes to!


like thats genuinely terrifying. but he was like Yah he said he thought u were Supa Cool and Sick cuz its cool u r interested jaz. (not quoted. something like that..). and i was like Hah. yay. Thanks. welll.. anyways. he taught me. he also like started to sing in cursive??? it was funny... like he was singing along to his favorite song (satin doll.. IDK WHICH VERSION THOUGH IM TRYING TO FIND IT BUT I CANT.) but in CURSIVE? LOL. muscians. sooo..funny.. well anyways. he also started like yelling lowkey like he kept on brininging out freaking satin doll as an example and he like yelled YEP LETS BRING BACK SATIN DOLL HAHAHA. ok king i think i know ur fave song. but overall he was great! and he also tuaght me things i already knew.. but he didn't know that so Meh. BRO DID NOT HELP ME FREAKING COMP ON THE STUPID PIANO. oh my GOD. this WHOLE week i have been freaking the freak out because i don't freaking know how to comp and nico told me to practice comping. Eye Twitch. it got so bad this past week i was jsut staring at those STUPID papers all like. bro. WtaFRICK DO I DO. IM IN HWLL. and i was so scared for today because i was gonna show up with NOTHING TO SHOW FOR. NO COMPING. just sadness and a lack of ability to comprehend any jazz theory. but NO i had a SUB. so it was 1. relieving that i didn't have to go through the sadness of going to class not being able to do what he told me to practice. but also 2. NOW I HAVE TO SEE NICO NEXT WEEK AND STILL NOT KNOW HOW TO COMP. and itll be WORSE cuz i had MORE TIME. and ISAAC DIDN"T EVEN HELP ME. he taught me fifths and stuff. BRO. (it was good stuff tho. thx.)

"And in leather, lace and chains, we stake our claim. Revolution once again. No I won't, I won't wear it on my sleeve. I can see through this expression and you know I don't believe. Too old to be told, exactly who are you? Tonight, tomorrow's too late"

"I heard a sigh up in the sky.

Coming from Jupiter or Venus;

Is it a warning out of love

Or planets trying to defeat us?"

another song obsession:



OMG but also isaac was like Omg btw if i know any jazz shows that aren't 21+ and not super late i will totally send the info ur way!! and i was like Omg No Way. SO AWESEOME. THANKS!!! well anyways. Here's to ANOTHER WEEK of being stressed out about comping on the piano. idk waht it is. im pretty confident i can comp in the drums more or less. but idk. i think i suck at my scales. Thanks a lot. UGH. I WATCHED YOUTUBE TUTORITALS AND EVERYTHING. but Naw. so embarassing bro. UGH. it okay i will power. on. and maybe try really hard this wekk. but im really stressed out.. i have so much work in school its insane. how do i only have three academic classes and school is this hard? im so freaked out. and i have NO TRUST in ANY group work oh my god EVERYONE LETS ME DOWN. or maybe im just a control freak. but bro... i have a AP seminar presentation.. and im SO scared of these two girls in my group because i read their individual essays and.... Yeah. im so scared. and this is gonna count towards my AP SCORE. Bro. Praying me and my good Pal other group member (Hai :3) will be able to make it good.. i just have no trust. and ASB oh my GOD NOBODY IN THERE KNOWS HOW TO DO ANYTHING and i have to DO EVERYTHING MYSELF!! and i get NO CREDIT cuz no one in there LIKes MEEE. Sigh. Naw... i got to stay pawsitive. i am just frustrated. but idk. u learn. and u live. and im Livin. and Learnin. yis. YAY! and it will pass..!!! :D PLS BROOKE KEEP THE MINDSET.

oh man. my eyes are burning and i need to sleep. but i have SO MANY THOUGHTS TODAAYAYYY. do u think i write too much words.. Brah. DUDE my earring fell out of my ear and now im earring-less. shoutout to my glorious biffle af to lending me ur one earring.. out of ur ear.. for like 4 hours. also today my little cousin called me (hes like 10) and we played aninmal crossing together he is SOOO CUUTTEEE!!!i love him so much! i showed him my island (that i haven't logged into in 2 years and 3 months) and he was really impressed and Jelly. Haha He mad im Gud (hes 10. and his island is poorly decorated... sucker.) JK. i gave him 4 million bells because i love him and he likes fnaf. my glorious king. i was like him that age except i liked warrior cats and was on amino. he has WAY too much internet access for being 10. but Yk thats just how it Be. omg also. i kinda realized.. i feel like i live under a FREAKING ROCK. oh my GOD. i was on call with this group of people i dont RLY talk to but for some reason they invited me to their minecraft server and im like idk branching out and Bro. i swear to god i live under a rock because i do not know how to talk to people like that. all Da References. and IDK WHAT EVEN. im just so glad im not a man. who's Weird. but actually it was interesting getting different perspecitves of people yk? i feel like i honestly only talk to my two friends ever so i was like wow these people are sooooooo different.... than them... Yeah. but like. im glad i have my 2 friends. because. i like how they are.. and how they act.. i got lucky I Think. im glad they r the peeps i ended up with in the end!

honestly i have no idea if the intrument in this song is a xylaphone or a vibraphone or another type of phone but i LOVE THIS INSTRUMENT SOUND it it soooo nice and happy and it just makes u feel so happy. im like HeHeHe when im listening to dis. my eyes r burnign Bro wtf.

oh my GOSHSH this song is SOO FIRE all 10 minutes and 3 seconds bro. even though the alvum cover is kinda funny. i Luv dis song. i feel liek im in black in white and like a detective solving a crime or soemthing. if that doesnt sound silly.. Hah.

my jazz faves dis week!!!!



i also love my sister so much! and my sister is living out MY FREKAING LESBIAN DREAMS. OH MY GOD. iM so SICK. she is like DATING A GIRL RN (her first girl shes ever dated!??!) HELLO? this is NOT real. 2024. WOW. and THIS GIRL SOUNDS SOOO COOL shes a lesbian and so cool and LIKES MY SISTER??? DA FRICK. and she got her flowers and pays for her meals and all that and i cant rly tell if my sister rly likes her. Talking from experience a girls first romantic thing with a girl that came from my Fam is Ussually Not Good and usually pretty bad for the other person. and im scared of that happening to my sister but maybe im just projecting and shes older and such. but Yk. it's scary. but im glad me and my sister can relate on some levels in that way. it's nice knowing we have the same experiences in terms of family and likke. Idk. You know. she came home this weekend and told me abt her new girl date btw. but now shes back in college. I miss her. but im also scared of her... theres somethign about her.. shes super go with the flow. idk. its intersting and idk if i can explain it here. anywayssssss. i played poppy playtime yesrtday and i was so scared. i want to watch the walten files but SOMEONE doesnt wanna watch it with me and i know if i ask my otehr friend she wont want to either.Brah. WOAH you can bold text on here??? thats cool. AND ITALICS? Awesome. also btw i figured out how to hold a stick traditionally and i think i WIN! and its way easier and its cool.. its kinda like holding chopsticks except its a giant thick drumstick and its only one. kinda. Lol. I WIN!

well my glorious multiverse i am literally about to fall asleep and i have to SHOWER IN THE MORNING. so. here's to another amazing monyay! and here's to this next week being so AMAZING! and here's to me watching the etho video soon becasue i had no time today :(((( i love you all on the internet :3

my really (un)interesting thoughts #11


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(they are friendly!!!)

haiyoooooo the internet!!!!!!


it is me. Brooke. again. Hmm. just Chillin!

and maybe its because im a lesbian (my favoeite excuse) that is why i don't get the ""hate ur ex"" thing. and also all the friends she was talking to.. like.. its not weird to still follow me!?? i still consider those people my friends and i would 100% wave or say hi.. but i just know they would make it some weird thing like "ohh omg -'s EX just WAVED! what a weirdo!" i get supporting your friends and all thaat and i know breakups are weird things. but i think we as a world make them weirder than they should be. especially when there was no like Horrible Peoeple involved.. just two people that didn't work together. so it sucks to hear that they are talking about me like that. i think that regret is a silly thing and the world focuses on the past too much and changing it and all too much to realize the lessons that are learned from them! you are giving too much power to something uncontrollable, so why not try to make it the best u can?

bro. im freaking trying to learn STUPID JAZZ SCALES!! on this DARN PIANO!!! but its SO HARD!!! what da FRICK is a lydian dominant diminished whatever I DONT EVEN KNOW!!!! its like im trying to be taught but i cant REMEMBER anything cause theres so much and im soooo frusterated bro. i dont think im cut out for this i was failed when i was only taught major and minor (the weird kind! NOT EVEN THE NORMAL MINOR KIND!) scales for 10 years. Bro. now i just feel like everything is like 10 times harder to comprehend and ill never get it like i wasnt made for this!!! im watching youtube videos and reading in between the freaking lilnes of these worksheets and nothing is clicking. i think ive spent too long blaming the teacher and it's time to blame myself for being BADDDD! comping is so hard and i cant even start anything! im DONE FOR!! DONE FOR!!! but i will try.. and persist.. one day ill be good hopefully. Trying Trying Trying.


i think hating ur ex is dumb in that circumstance! i mean idk!! my ex Girlf did some bad things to me and im sure i did some bad things to them, too, but i don't think it was on a level where we need to hate eachother? i was the one to break up with her and like.. it just didn't work out.. we had kind of gotten to a toxic level that was bad for both of us. i hold zero hatred or resentment or regret towards them at all! in fact, i would love to still talk to them!but no, theres this weird stigma whatever on "ohh shes ur ex.. lets all HATE HER GUTS and UNFOLLOW HER because she SUCKS and shes ur EX!" its dumb! and i know she has that towards me and all her friends too. LIKE once i was trying to be friendly when i bumped into her & waved at her!(NORMAL? THAT NOT EVEN WEIRD). and she gave me the nastiest look i've ever recieved. like bro! we used to be like. best friends! its been 3 months! why the hate?

welp. today my friend told me that she overheard my ex girlf and also my ex biffle talking about me with their friends during lunch. Sigh. she said that they were talking to their other friends abt how they still follow me and i post or say weird things or something idk (she said she couldnt catch mostly of what they were saying since it was loud). Sigh. i think that the whole whatever modern culture of exes is so dumb! and i dont think its that deep. i mean yeah, if someone is an awful horrible person obviously thats valid to hate them if they r ur ex or if some nasty drama happened. im talking about when its like.. more chill.. when u just don't work out because it doesnt! doesnt mean anyone is a bad person, it just doesnt work! and even in those situations people STILL make it all weird!!


maybe in the past (haha ironic) i would say i have regrets... but looking back on it (ok ironic again), i think every decision in my life has led up to THIS MOMENT and the lessons ive learned from past mistakes are so much more important than me never making those mistakes at all. and i know its been said before.. i just think its really important bc ive been watching so many people have so much regret for things that r unchangeable. or even like... attaching regret to objects and pictures and music! i know there are exceptions to this, and this is me having an OVERLY positive view on it, but ive never really gotten the like "oh i cant lsiten to this song" or "i have to throw everything they gave me out" cuz it reiminds u of whatever person. like idk embrace it! we focus SO MUCH on the bad memories that we forget the good ones. be sad they are no longer here but embrace the fun timez. i think. this is coming from a girl that still sleeps with the weighted plush my ex Girlf gave me (on the week that my cat died and i could barely get out of bed or do anything. so it meant a lot to me!) every night. and it doesnt bother me..... idk. might be because i tend to forget a lot of stuff in the past, so it kinda just feels like blurry far away good memories to me that i can barely remember. maybe. Sigh.

Bro no one shouldve given me access to this site. my oversharing powers have like multiplied by 50 billion. Sigh. YOLO i suppose. and im aware of how silly todays thoughts are and how theres so many more layers to it that i didn't say.. but its ok. ive been on such a thought journey this past couple of months.. i dont think ive ever thought this hard about the world and myself in it this hard EVER. Brah. well Hit dat like button and Smash Subscribe and Turn on notifs ty Baiiiiii. :3

my really (un)interesting thoughts #10

sweaty hands. mostly. luv monyays

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good evening my lovely friends ! :3




yay! monyay! this monyay came fast. i didnt go to school today because the rainstorm is actually insane dude! and like nobody went to school... Lol! well anyways. it was monyay as always. as always i am humbled in my musical knowledge and have to think super hard to play basic paino things. but its kinda aweosme. but i have NO IDEA what my guy was asking me to practice.. Comping... i love..that word.. (i am so terrified of actual improvising so im gonna pretend that is not basically what he asked me to do. I HATE IMPROV. something about having the pressure of having it all be up to me is terrifying. i dont trust myself to ACTUALLy come up with something good.. sigh.. but this is literally what i signed up for. literally all jazz is... is improv basically.. like Bro. Deal with it. i need to trust in myself.. but while someone is watching is Omg.)

well. its all good fun. maybe i will Shoot him an Email and ask Pls help idk wut da frick to do Omg. ok how the hek is anyone supposed to help music through email.. BRah.. well idk. well see. but its hard. and i SUCKKKKK. Yolo tho. i live on the edge. welp.... i drummded and i WASNT super.. horrible. kinda. i played Puh-guh-duhs (i like that word but i jsut looked it up and apprently its puh-duh-duh... puh-guh-duh is better. Nico On Top.) and i sucked kinda. but im trying my best. but you know what? its SO.DAMN. HOT. in thaat DANG STUDIO. i am literally sweating the moment i walk in there. REGARDLESS OF THE WEATHER!! and today it was SOO BAD bbecause idk apparently im so tense *crying emoji* and he was like okkk... i will teach u traditional stick grip method.. just so u know. :3 and i was like Oki. and then ensued the WORST like 3 minutes of my LIFE. ok traidtional drumstick grip is the DUMBEST THING EVER IN THE STUPID WORLD I TELL YOU! omg. its like holding a thick freaking stick like a pencil but not. and let me tell you i have the most embarassing worst HANDS to ever exist as dumb as it sounds LOL.... like. its so horrible... im always so embare

"and then it's 3am i'm on the corner wearing my leather and this dude comes up to me and says 'hey punk' i'm like, yeah, whatever"

currently insanely obsessed with this song i need it like injected in me. the piano and the horns together is so beautiful its indescribable. ty nico for pmo. as always....

"i'm not that nice! i'm mean and i'm evil! don't call me nice! i'm gonna eat your heart out! i've got some work to do!"

guess who pmo..

idk what it is but this song is just so cute to me its like the horns are having a little conversation!!! like i can HEAR them just chatting! they r just little guys.. so adorable!.. Song creds Nico.

my fingers r like weirdly stupidly short. *CRY EMOJI* IDK WHY THEY R SO NOT NORMAL. and then i have freaking idk dermatilliamaniaWhatever sso my fingers are always all scabbed and they bleed like every other day and its so Awful and EMBARASSING. ok those two. PLUS. my hands were SOOOOOOOO SWEATY in that STUPID room im like actually dying in there. and i have to LEARN THIS STUPID STICK GRIP AND ITS SO HARD. WHO TF CAME UP WITH THIS? so im like laughign cuz i suck and this stupid stick is like falling out fo my hand cuz its so sweaty and my FREAKING NICDONTSURF starts grabiing my hand and ADJSUTING IT like 10 TIMES BROOO i actually wanted to die right there. bro is touching at my sweaty short scabbed up hand and i like can't hold this stupid stick right and i kept just laughing awkwardly cuz i suck. and also i dont think i can even recreate that stupid grip. without.. flashbacks. i was so embarased. (not really. just caught off gaurd didnt think we'd be freaking holding hands today bro. Chillax.) LOL. well anyways. he did say to me and i qUOTE! "brooke i am very impressed!" when i Comped. like triplet.. things.. idk what the words are. BUT I THINK I WIN! HES IMPRESSED!


YAY! it all pays off. i think right now this is a really awesome and fun interest. that im obsessed with rn! andi like my interests. like rhythm heaven and hermitcraft. i love them too much. :3 well.. anyway. i can see myself improving a lot! i think it's really cool to subconsciously improve in things... like one day you can't do something and then you try it again a while later and suddenly you can magically DO IT! it is such a good feeling. that happened to me! i can play so many faster songs i couldn't play (and tried to) before just because i have improved! and like oh man. going through constant change is just such an awesome thing, and im glad i have control of myself and my actions... lol.... if that sounds silly.. :3 i can now play some of my fave heavenly songs! and i can play becky by byop SO GOOD! my mom gifted me this amazing victorian style sticker book today and im rly excited about it! luv stickers!! i decorated my folders and such. HeHe. i don't want to go out in the rain tomorrow to school... literally the leader guy declared a STATE OF EMERGENCY but Whatever. at least i get to see all my buddies! Yippee! Love Those Guys.

song of da night

well i appreciate all my monyay fans (me) for tuning in this monyay. id say this was a pretty great monyay! again.. this has kindof just turned into a music progress report//music blog//idk. but Ya know i go where the wind take me (I SUPPOSE! IIIII SUPPOSE HEY!!!!!!) Stay tuned for more amazing posts this week by Me. maybe. if i have time. and motivation! i love you all on the internet :3c

moral courage & a lesson i learned

this is rly dumb and no one should give me the abiltiy to think abt things like this It’s not that Deep Bro.

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i read an article in my ap seminar class about moral courage and intelligent disobedience. for those who don't know, moral courage is defined as "the ability to stand up for and practice that which one considers ethical, moral behavior when faced with a dilemma, even if it means going against countervailing pressure to do otherwise". and obviously i had to think really hard about it because that's Who i be.

anyways, i think the universe just tested me on my moral courage and i think i just failed. and i think it was really stupid, and i don't even know why i tried so hard to argue my point. it was something super trivial like unfollowing my friends ex, except he did nothing wrong, and the breakup only had to do with her just not liking him like that. for some reason, this situation really stuck with me because the way it happened she had accepted that she is mean and toxic without making the effort not to be, so she made no efforts at all for this guy. i think there is a lot of factors that go into it, the way love is shown in your life, and we are two opposite people, especially in terms of our family, and i understand that, and i do not want to put her down for how she acts, because if anyone has a valid reason to act the way she does, she does.

well, she asked me to unfollow this guy. and idk what is wrong with me but i said no, there was no good reason too, guy did nothing wrong, it doesn't really matter since there was no harm done. he did not wrong her at all (except maybe have bad breath and also be unattractive in her eyes).

she got really mad and a whole argument ensued. what is the line between me being a good and loyal friend and me wanting to obey what i consider ethical and moral? since the initial day, i had a whole moral crisis where i there on decided if i can make the conscious effort to be a good person, i will. and i am not saying i have not been hateful or done bad things, because i definitely have and i definitely will in the future. but i want to give what i got to be nice i guess. i think especially now there is endless hate in the world, and i want to do what i can i guess. what i'm saying is, i made the rule for myself that if i can make the conscious decision to be good (although, good is a subjective term. by this, i mean ethically good in MY eyes), i will always choose the good option, even if it is the harder one. and i think i sound kind of pretentious and annoying saying that. this is kind of like another ap seminar article i read that was about like if you announce to other people that you are a virtuous person, does that really make you a truly virtuous person if you are only doing it for the validation of others? ap seminar makes me think too hard i think. Oh Man.

well anyways. i think my moral courage was tested tonight! its interesting seeing concepts you read about play out in real life. i felt it was my duty and the most ethical and moral choice to not unfollow this poor guy (it sounds so silly writing this out!). but my friend argued that it makes me a bad friend, and if i won't do this for her, i won't do anything else for her, especially considering she would undoubtedly do it for me. well, i stood my ground for so long. i like, tested the effects of moral courage. and (eventually, after arguing for like an hour and after she called me a bad friend and threatened to never talk to me again) i decided i did not want to deal with the consequences of this moral courage. so i failed. i broke my own rules and i was not morally courageous. and i know it sounds so dumb over what the topic was, but i think it is a lot deeper than whatever unfollowing a guy or not.

and maybe, by doing what i did, i was doing "good" in a different way. a lot of people argue loyalty versus morality. and i think i stand a lot more on the morality end of that spectrum. i have endless love for the people in my life, but i think maybe my morals often stand above that. however, that particular friend is extremely loyal, and i really value that about her. i think she is honestly one of the most loyal people i know and have. she once told me that i could be a horrible person to everyone around me, but she would still stand with me and support me. and that really stuck with me, because would i do the same? and i think the answer to that is really interesting, because i think it is more complicated than a yes or a no. i really value that friend, especially considering her loyalty. and i think that oftentimes, she does (honestly) a LOT of things that disagree with my morals. and they DO bother me a lot. but i will never do or say anything because her loyalty is something i value so much that those things do not matter to me, and i would stay loyal to her regardless of what she does. however, with maybe someone else, i would keep my morals above that and value morals more than my loyalties to that person. so i suppose for me, loyalty versus morals depends on the person, and it is not one-size-fits-all for me i guess.

so maybe i failed the moral courage test that the universe gave me, but i think i also learned that some fights are just not worth fighting when you have something (or someone) so important and rare at stake. someone that would do anything for me regardless of the morality of it.

although, i do think that right now, (especially since i am this age) my morals still are not straight and i do not have them all figured out, because i am a constant work in progress! i used to think i never knew the difference between right and wrong, and i think i've come pretty far since then maybe.

this was kind of a long and silly ramble... the universe should not have given me the ability to think about concepts like this because i get so in my head! Ta Ta for Now!

my really (un)interesting thoughts #9

found out gifcities existed in during post can you tell?

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its monyay! Yippee! im trying a new font cuz i saw other people using it and i was like Dis Is a lit font Holdup. but its kinda big. idk we will see. well anyway. i am so super stressed this week! but also its kind of my fault for doing nothing but play rhythm heaven all weekend... Awkward. i love rhythm heaven. and im so Friggin GOATEEDDDD at it! i almost completely beat the DS version!!! i have 46/50 perfects.... and the 4 i dont have perfected are freaking rhythm rally 1 & 2 and fill bots 1 & 2. BECAUSE THEY FREAKING SUCK AND ARE SO HARD! its ok one day. and i got all 50 medals in fever! but its rly hard to perfect anything on the wii.. i will grind it out one day....

bello the internet and...

"I'll get revenge. Pour bleach on your head, and now you're dead. Disinfect, so hold your breath and say goodbye!!!!!"

like idk. youd think after playing the piano for so long that i would be good and know how to like idk KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAJOR AND MINOR and know chords and scales. and know terms. but NO! i feel like ive been failed my whole life! what was i doing for 10+ years? its like they never cared about actually teaching me the instrument, but only cared about me passing my exams and getting the diploma so they could kick me out. makes me sad and like i wasted that time. but idk i gotta remind myself to enjoy the process. like i said last week! i got my period this weekend so i was especially moody. so keeping the mindset was hard... but i think i will manage! and i am still feeling happy. despite the immense amount of schoolwork i am currently procrastinating on. i have to stay consistent in SOMETHING. and that something will be these monyay posts!


anyways! im so tired rn but i have to grind out this monyay post for all my monyay fans (there are none its actually just me). i had my class thing tofay and it was so wierd my teacher nico was so out of it and he was like Yah i cant stop thinking about food. also Funny Moment he was referencing like an imaginary bass player in some jazz scenario to teach something and was using he him pronoun for this imaginary guy and HE GOES like "or she! Equal.. rights... Haha" LOLLLL that is too much what a Woke Hip Af king. maybe it was the lesiban bracelet i had on that made him Woke. also he called people that count triplets like 1 da da or seomthing freaks and i thought that was quite funny. althghough it is quite the embarassing that i really suck at the piano. and i messed up my freaking bossa nova too. like come on!

"but if you think that i'm not strong, you best watch out! nothing can stop me!!!!"

no lyrics but beautiful! im learning this on the piano right now. thx nico for PMO.



lyrics in portuguese i think. idk much about bossa nova but i do know this song gives me the chills when i listen!

this has kind of turned into a music blog tbh. since im alwyas posting on monyays. idk i guess thats just where the wind is taking me! and music has been especially relavent in my life. i feel honestly very happy with where i am right now and who ive become. like ive accepted things that used to bother me soo much and i like to be ME now! i used to say that i would rather be anyone else but me, but i dont think that is true anymore. i like being me now! and that is so awesome!! hey! hermitcraft season 10 likely starting this week im SO excited you dont even know. and tmrw is percy jackson day! so much to be excited for despite it all!!! i LOVE being excited! liike monyays! and it all! ive been sleeping in my sisters room every night. idk if thats because i miss her or because her bed is comfy but its nice. i do miss her a lot!! my birthday is coming up and i dont know what i will ask for. maybe an acoustic drum set. or rhythm heaven megamix! i want to ask for something more meaningful than clothes i think...

i cant believe i will be 17! thats kind of a big number. i am excited though... im almost off in college! i love the future because i will never know what is in it :3c. im so sleepy i am falling asleep here oh no! i have a presentation tomorrow TvT... and a ton of work. i wish i never had to sleep so i can have some time!!! Sighh. at least i get to sleep in tomorrow. and i will enjoy the process. im liking writing my ap seminar essay right now. i feel cool and professional writing a research paper like that and proud when i read it back. and then i write essays in other classes and im like Wow i can actually write! you know, i think this is the first time in like idk 4 years that ive felt good when i am alone. its the MONYAY MAGIC!!!!!! LOL!!!! anyways.... i might post more this week but im super tired right now and i need to sleep or ill die i think. love you all on the internet and ty for whoever reads these :3 HUGS AND KISSES 4EVER!

thrilling, is this love?

song from fan club minigame in Rhythm Heaven!

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Here is my song!

for YOU!

yeaaahhh that's RIGHT!

I wish that..........

But i'm too shy I suppose!


Hey now!

yeah! yeah! yeah!

If only I could just CONJURE a SPELL!

then YOU and I can be....

for all time, i suppose!





everyone. watch the video of her singing this RIGHT NOW!!! spreading the rhythm heaven propaganda!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNbvktlB0gU <--- THE LINK CLICK HERE!!!!!

my attempt at bieng an aesthetical multiverse collage girl

but failing. Sigh. One day.

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all da pics from Pinterest...

my really (un)interesting thoughts #8


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by Lush!

hAhahHaha Not today though.

song(S?) of the hour::::

although no really (un)interesting story this Monyay! ohhh Yeaaahhhh!!!!!!!! just some thoughts! i stayed home from school today so i had lotsssssss of time to THINK!!!! i had my first ONE HOUR freaking piano drum lesson of my GOD i dont tink ive ever had to think so hard in my life why is everything so HARD!!! i can be sooo confident but Naw at the day i kind of suck but you know what?!??! ITS SO FUN BEING BAD!!!!

like i dunno im really enjoying the process!! of LEARNING!! GOD. i think ive just recenrlty discovered the wonders of LEARNING. like i dont know theres just soooo much knowledge out there that i dont know and the prospect of having the opportunity to LEARN EVERYTHING is just so IDK. AWESOME! as stupid as it sounds LOLLLL.....

like omg. ive been playing piano my WHOLE life. since i was FIVE! and i just think its insane beacuse i may have been doing all that but truly ive only scratched the SURFACE! liike. i know NOTHING? its AWESOME!!! theres a WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE FOR ME TO LEARN! todaay my Guy was teaching me all this stuff... im kinda getting into jazz piano because, again, its a WHOLE NEW WORLD i know NOTHING ABOUT, and isnt that just so cool! anyways, he is teaching me jazz stuff and theory words. who the heck knows what Dorian and Mixolydian mean??? I DO NOW!! SINCE TODAY!

and oh MAN isnt that just so exciting. and its so HARD and im SO BAD but thats what PRACTICE IS FOR!!!!!!! and i learned BOSSA NOVA on the DRUMS?? HELLO ISNT THAT SOOO COOL??? I KNOW BOSSA NOVA NOW??? have i ever listened to bossa nova before today? HELL NO!!!! BUT NOW I HAVE!!!!!! GOD LIFE IS JUST SO AWESOME!!!! ive been feeling jsut soooo HAPPY recently!! like things are for real falling into place!!!!!!! and im sooooo ^_^!!!!!!

and oh have i been thinking. also my teacher gave me his SPOTIFY!!! which first of all he has given me way too much power i am going to be a terrible person but also HIS SPOTIFY IS SOOO COOL he has so many playlists to listen!! and also he MADE ME A JAZZ PLAYLIST?? oh my GOD!! sillys aside he cares SOO MUCH about music. like i can tell it is his passion and he cares genuinely about me learning it too and i think that is so awesome and i think that is what sets him apart! truly! idk. i just feel like ive started viewing EVERYTHING DIFFERENT NOW!!!!! music is just SO SPECIAL. its insane. i just truly think its the most beautiful art form. and its ALWAYS EXPANDING. there are ALWAYS new ideas! like god i LOVE weird and different sounding music.

obligatory monyay post! one day ill be normal i swear

by excuse 17!!!!

and maybe its cause i kidna grew up in a closed minded typa family who only listens to the poppular things (and hates on rap...) , but its amazing how much is our there. and i think i had a mental block where like. if it kinda sounds weird or bad... then its bad music. but idk. i think once everyone gets past the mind block of it sounding bad, it sounds SOOO GOOODD! genuinely. weird screamy or odd chords are so amazing and just so different. i LOVE hearing new sounds ive never heard. and theres so much out there that i havent heard and i wanna listen to it all! and maybe thats why i hate on rly popular music (sigh im sorry i sound so annoying.), not because the music itself is bad, but just because weve all heard it before! its not different sounding! and THATS why i dont like it i guess. to me it just feels so shallow.

amazing song i discovered 5 mins ago

by Antonio Carlos Jobim

and you know what im probably just Teenage GIrl discovers music rn and idk. embrace the process i suppose! ^_^. i think im about to start my period wwhich is why im all like this. but idk i think there is just soo much beauty in the world! its so awesome. i have so much love in me for everyone ever!!!!!!!! like i LOVE my best friend and i think that she is so special and awesome for real and i feel so special for getting the chance to even be her friend and that life ended out this way!!!! UGHGUGHGUHGH!!!! Oh Man. im suppperrr tired. i have school tomorrow and im so excited to see all my friends. not excited to do all my work though. sigghhh..... my lesson went well today. i think im getting better. i hope! that studio is really really hot though and i get all sweaty ewwww!!!! >_< i think im for sure a visual learner though and im glad i figured that out!

like ill be so real a lot of songs i rememeber just based on their album covers. ESPECIALLY vocaloid. GOD i love vocaloid omggg!!! but since most song titles are not english and i cant be bothered to translate or look it up like.. ican describe an album cover but not tell u the name LOL but that also goes for normal english music. :3c i like discovering things about myself. i think im getting to know myself more and more everyday and that makes me excited and happy. i used to hate myself becaue i knew nothing about myself or how i felt! but i feel like ive been so much better at that. and also i think im way happier with how i look now too. I AM JUST SO HAPPY!!!!! this is just the best ever. thanks multiverse for listening to my thoughts :3 sry if they sound kinda stupid today. im superrr tired >.<

me as a troll


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i drew me as a troll! trolls is pretty awesome!

i dont draw as much as i used to! its so fun!

my best friend loves trolls right now! and i love my best friend! so i made this.. idk..LOL!

i really like velvet and veneer!!! they are sooo cute and their song is so addicting!!!! ^_^

dats it! i just wanted to share because i rly like her :333

my really (un)interesting thoughts #7

itts 11:33 pm and im freakin out!!!!!!!!

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cute robot

i love this


it is me!


im trying a new template! i realized actually tho i SUCCCKKK at colors and color thoery... like OMGOGMOMG i made a trollsona OC!!!! and it took like 50 years to figure out colors lol it was so SASADDDDDDD!

well anyways. its late at night again! which means more thoughts about the world and myself in it i guess!

in my head i am constantly fighting the urge to spill all my thoughts to everyone ever. but im not sure if thats true.

i guess there is a few places i belong to. i have home, church, around best friends, in asb, in envirothon, and in my broadcast class! home is pretty self explanatory. i have to hide a big chunk of who i am, but i can relatively be the real me whilst hiding that. church i can also relatively be loud and outgoing everything at once, but also still hiding a big part of who i am. i think i act my truest self to my best friends. theres nothing for me to hide and i think thats the me that i self-condemn the most. i will talk and talk and talk, even if they don't care about what im saying, and that is ok. asb i become super quiet and observant. almost unapproachable! envirothon im the exact opposite. im loud and im the leader! and almost the same in broadcast, except a little bit different.... but i dont know how to say it with words.

ive been thinking about how i change personalities all the time! to the point where i have no idea how people perceive me.

in all those places people perceive me different. i belong in all those places! i dont really know where im going with this. i just think im stuck so much in my self perception of a mix of all my personalities that i have no idea actually how ANY of them perceive me!

but i guess perception is a weird thing anyways!! ^_^

and maybe it sounds like a joke

but its the truest thing ever and i think everyone should live by it!

i always say i have the YOLO mindset

even though it sounds silly. its true! you only live once! so LIVE!

im actually scared of who reads these... and ARE there consequences to my actions?! not so sure..... i dont think im physically capable of being one of those aesthetic cool deep thought girls.....well Baiii! :3c

my really (un)interesting thoughts #6


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GOOD DAY THE INTERNET INTERDUBS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! im at school. this is a normal post rnn. Hold up. the day i can be normal about things will probably be the day (THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). but like Yolo. you know what i am living on the Yolo mindset but my teacher was like Wut gurl dat doesnt maeeke sense...Freeekkuhhhhhhh.... but like idk. YOYLOLYOLYOLYOLOLYOLO. im so hungry. alsooooo im sooo sick of... Envirothon,,,,,, im like a FRAUDD i swear taht teacher sees a little Too much in me. like GUrl i got a B in aPES i am NOT a genius. maybe im just a bit loud. and oversharerer. DISGHGISHGIOSGHOISGHO

toadty this morning i had a Deep conbo with my mom in the car it was kind of interesting.. she said that my sister insd realy misses me and that shess super depresso espresso and like Basically thinks im the Best sister in the whole freaking world LOL JK. but Yah i was like literally about to cry liek OMg. i LOVE my sisters so much. they are like mybest freidns. wait OMG I CANT STOP SAYING "AF" IN FRONT OF TEACHERS OMG Wat ad heck Boi BE FRAEKING PROFESSIONALTREJDKSG

Girl Bai,., dat cat is witerally Me. i lost my phone and i thin k it was the scariest moment of my life. Butti. found it Yah Yeet. im hanging out with my BIFFLE BAE today and im so Hype AF to eat boba. Nya~ ^3^. its onlyWendsyaay. and im so sad. Hold up. OMG i was in APES today and my taecher and me r so CHill but maybe a little Too chill and so i was like Literaly falling asleep . and she gave me a freaking like anxiety relieving fidget TOY??????? and she was like. I Can Smell the Anxiety Radiating off you. thank you my queen but i am just Tired. I FELT SO BADD...

apes is just the most confusing class ever. does anyone like thje Trolololololol Epic Memzeeee i made hahahahahahahahaahaha.. Hah.Hahaha. my Biffle Bae rly likes trolls so i made it for her. actually its insane that PEOPLE WHO R LIKEING TROLLS ARE THRISTING OVER HICKORY. i read a horirble hickrory x branch fanficiton with my Biffle Bae and i think im sscarred for life. he is actually the most unattractive troll. NONE OF THE TROLLS ARE ATTRACTIVE??? Ur so perfect perfect perfect (trolls quote Haha Nyaaaa~~ :3)

i watcghed mean girls and. now i aam reflecting on my theatere kid phase. i think the drama teacher at my school crushed ALL MY DREAMS. what a FREAKING FREAK. Sigghhhhh.. nnyyaa~~ Duuuude. i think newsies was the best thingn taht has ever happened tio em OrNAw. maybe one day ill post all the newsies fffffffff......... K. Nbm. SEHFSDFKDHSFGKh. Happy..Wednesday.. Ugh. toda y i went around filming random peopele at school and i think people thought it was weird (it was). it was for a Cause Hah. Let Ur Freak Flag Fly (Le Epic Sherk Ref >.<) GOD this comptuer is hard to type on. Epic Bruh Moooomrent.

GOD we need to bring back the freaking TROLOLOLOLOLOL.. it was so Fiyuh. Combusting RNRNRNRN!!!!!!! Gurrrrrrl. GOD. we as a society neede to bring back LETTING OUR FREAK FLY. r-r oactiy;o think i nede to stop tlaking. i think i am too ironic to the point where its not ironic anymore. but people think im being ironic bnut they also dont know Hahaha.haAHaha. Maybe NOOEN of it is ironic. speaking of ironic: oh my. GOD. does anyone know that tik tok furry that does cute little k pop dances because i genuinely think that its the cutest thing to. ever exist and im SICK of hiding IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRING BACK FURRIES!!!!!!!!!

Wow. these people are so weird. thank GOD im the only normal person here. DUUDE. i watched precy jacksojn show Eveey tuesday at 6 OCLOCK!! itssSOOO good im actually so super obsessed. not... as obssessed as i am with MINECRFAT!!!! omg. i think i am the same person that i was like idk 2 years ago. i got back into the mc speedrun community. Congrats Drip120 7:01 TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. !!!!!!!!! OMGOGMOGM and freakign. FRUIBTERRIES MY D1 MOSUE DROPPER o ymh GOD!!! the PST life is actually so hard doe. God. you can take the girl out of minecraft but you can never take the minectaft out of the girl.

im super hungry and im scrared that i disappointedd my envirohton advisor because i didnt show up to a meeting! "its not like you brooke!!" is waht shes gonna say IGGJJGJGJ!!!! Holdup i think i just didn't eat lunch. omg i hate the STUPID APPLE FREAKING GIRLS WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH MEN and whispering their little things im acrually so sick of it i dont think im physically capable of talking to man obsessed people.. actually or people in general.... i feel so ISOLALTTEDELDEDDD! ok Sry bai Luv u All until the next time :3

my really (un)interesting thoughts #5

plain txt

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Hello internet! I have a lot of drafts on this website i will never post and that makes me saddddddddd. yo-yo-yo-yolo! You know what I've been thinking about? I feel like I kind of live in the mindset that some people "get it" and some people just don't get it. and maybe that's true in a sense but also maybe i shouldn't have such an exclusionary mindset. i guess i've been just really thinking about how i work and the world works recently!!!

and maybe im being naive or I'm thinking too deeply about it or something but that shocked me!! its just a lack of empathy i suppose! i just don't understand the point of like... idk.. being a person.. if you think like that? if you dont CARE about others???? idk... i think my brain hurts from thinking too hard about it. in hindsight, it makes senese that my friend thinks like that because thinking back on it, she often is not the most caring friend. which is okay, i love her anyways!

anyways what i was going to originally talk about,,, the whole "getting it" thing. i have been super stuck on that mindset because idk. theres justlike.. a large group of ppeople that i just do NOT get along with.... i just become super Awko Taco LOlololololl.. but its kind of silly? and exclusionary! i have my little mind list of the people i have so many mind lists... IDK IM THINKING TOO HARD ABOUT THINGS i think i shoudl CHillax...

and its weird!! how i will never be in anyone else's head but my own. my friend was talking to me about how she works and it was really interesting. the topic was something trivial like breaking up with her s/o but it was just the way she went about it! she told me that she has accepted that she is toxic and mean and that doing mean things doesn't really affect her. and i don't know WHY, but that really got me... like i just don't understand that. how could anyone have such a small mindset? how can you ACCEPT that you are a bad person without even trying to make an effort to be a good person?

not sure why but that really stuck with me. sometimes it feels like all the christians i know are all the meanest people i know. and in a way, that makes sense. they are christian because they need that support in their lives. and it's not like i can say anything, i am constantly lingering in some in between place. but maybe not making decisions isn't so bad!

history is just absolutely INSANE! its one of my favorite subjects but i hate my class.. but i like what we are learning.. right now its WWII! and god its like i am learning about the world for the first time over again or something i dont know how everyone else in my class isn't more shocked at how horrifying the past is. genuinely. i dont know why its affecting me so badly? i wonder why people don't really care. it really bothers me that ill never be in anyones mind but my own. im just too big a perfectionist. and probably a narcissist. i feel like probably narcissists think the way that i do. im so obsessed with myself and how i come off to others. Sigh.

ever since my breakup i have had way too much time alone which equates to way too much time to think which is just horrible NO ONE should ever leave me alone. terrible things happen. TERRIBLE THINGS! i need something to happen im stuck in horrible limbooooo!!! i dont know which is worse, being stuck in that relationship or being stuck in my own head. probably equal Tbh. but luckily, i fell very over it! the block button genuinely does wonders! i am realtively rly happy right now! just WAY to self obsessed and nitpicking my every move. maybe im a lot more like my dad than i thought... hm!

i feel like everyone on this website is so deep and i am just Not. Idk. i need sleep Get out of YOUR HEAD GIRL!!! goodnight internet!

my really (un)interesting thoughts #4

its too late 4 dis

• Composed on

hi the internet! ^_^ its me againnn Lolll! and Oh man. its 11:51 pm and im stuck with my own mind. trying to fight slepeing. oh MAN. i was practicing my drums and dude. genuinely its so hard! at least jazz drums i feel like a fraud! annd aside from all my funny business, i think my teacher believes in me t oo much! like hes always telling me liiiiiike that im going liike rly well but like. i actually suck so bad! and i know practice makes perfect( which i freaking am omg)! but idk i feel like such a FRAUD all the time!!! my advisor for the team im on.. i have become super close with her but ive never had her as a teacher before

and when i tell u this lady believes in me she BELIEVES in me. its crazy! and its super nicebut i feel like ive totally fooled her into thinking im this awesome genius girl LOLOLOLLLL???? i feel like im FOOLING EVERONe into thinking im someone im not!!!!!!!!!!! and then one day... THeyll all Know. Ill get her AS A TEACHER and shell realize im not a genius and that i actually dont nkow anything *CRIESSSSSSSSSSS*. and its not like im not used to people believing in me! maybe i jutst dont bleieve in myself. but for gud reasonn i FR SUCK AT THE DRUMS oh my freaking god triplets are my worst enemy why would anyone do that to me i am foreal rage quitting! i think i just need people to stop caring so much abt my potential. or to stop believing in me so hard. or MAYBE im a narccissist. maybe i need to stop caring so much about everything!maybe ill keep this a short post! HAaha lol



• Composed on


GOD internet. I AM SO SICK OF MEN "EXIStING" im goina to actually explode oh my GOD!@ its freaking MONYAY. because of FREAKING course it is. i dont konw what the FREAK is wrong with me/. PEACE 2 ALL FREAKS. I FREAKING GUESS. Gurl go die. anyFREAKING ways i was going to "monyay" lkesson as always. and GOD today was not my FREAKING day. Bro freaking quoted MLK the momenti said hai and i was like Wat. GIRL GO DIE WTF? and it was so HORRIBEL. im the mosst SOCIALLY AWKWARD PERSON TO EVER EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cri*... bro sits RIGHT THERE watching... can see every freaking pore on my freaking DUMB AF FACE. oh ym god i was so SCARED. my face is like permanentply red or somehitng. FREAK AFREAKINGLERT!!!!! i FROGET everything. im so anxious. im so nervous. because King is like 2 freaking inches away from me. WHY? WHY WASNT HE AT HIS OWN FREAKING DRUM SET.

omg. UGH! then bro is like I forogont to give to playlsit ahadihdiahda I said iw as going to give u songs ADSJDNOLOLOLOLOLLO and ai be like HhahhaahHDahddhadha yYEYSEYSSS and hes Liek ok Ya gimme ur email. and i ggive my school email like a FREAK LOSER oh my GOD!! Because i actaullu check that IGUESS. Brah goes SLOloloolSry i didnt folow u back on Instagawwwwnnnnmmm i dont hate u Lol ur just a FREAK WEIRDO WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT LIVING IN THIS WORLDLL!L!L!L!L!L!L!!D!DD!D!! im liike OhYah i get it. okok. I PLAY MY STUPID FREKAING O HMY GOD TRIPLETS THAT I SUCK AT im like OMg i forgot how to do this AGAIN BECAUSE HES SO CLOSE GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKFREAKFREAK!!!!!! like GIRL oh my fos. So i play and im like SWEATING im SHAKING im so ANXIOUS WHY ARE YOU SO WEIERD AND SOCAILY AWKWARD AROUND EVERYONE!!?!??!?!?! I IT IS JUST GETTING WROSE AND AWORSE EVERY. DAY. HELLOOOO??!?!??! like im just this close from exploding my body

so i get through it. somehow. and its liek Omggmgg ur the best SUTPIDSDENT EVEERRRR liek e u be PRacticitnigng like bosss slike yessss im SOOOO glad i have someone that ACTAALLYYY practiess like ur AMAZAING~!!!!!! i be like aw Thx Aha. but Gurl u SUCK at accents its embarassing. Brah was gonna rage quit i Freigging sweawr. like Work on it and im like K. then Bra goes how was that Lead Sheett i gave u becau e im just SOO Othoughtful and i ACUTALLY CARE ABOUTTHE PEOPLE THAT I TEACHHH?!??!?!?!!? nd im lkeme Yah no James is a BEYOTCH and needs to LEAVE (teahing style Sux), gues i think sno one has atualy ever CARED ABOUT LEARNING OR SOMETHING BECFORE THIS like OH MY GOD. so oMGMGORIMGORGNO King says like If U WantI Can TeachYOu PIano HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OFIMSOFNSOP. WHO THE HELL ACTAULLY CARES THIS MUCH?>?????!!?!? ?WHAT KIND OF FREAK AM I DEALING WITH THAT CAERES???????GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING???? like "Sorry i dont wanna Poach you" LIKE AN ELAPHENANT EWAHT??? (I pretended like i knew that that meant but i ddid not IDIIOT!!) i be like i GOTTT you Heheheh King is so WORRIED like say this and this and this and this and is like Yah Wiat Ur a SMART KID. you got this. SMART KID??????!?!?!?!?!???!?W@?! joh otm god. AA IA SMART KDKJSIKIKDIKDIS. BRo is showering me in comlplkiments like I know u r wanting to leanr and awhatevreim liike Aw thx (turning redder than i already am by the second my face is so hot u can like cook spam on it idk) GOD I HATE "LESBIANS" SFREAKING SICKOS ALLL OFNTHEM (/J)


Me going slowly more and more insane as each day passes:


LIKE GET OGG OF ME. i don tt think ive ever playd more horrible in my LIFE. i SUCK AT IT ALL. IM QSQUINTING FOR MY LIFE TO SEE THIS SHEET MUSIC THAT IS SO COMFUNSIING im so tense and sweaty and i feel. You atching my EVER.yY. MOVE. SOPT CARING SO MUHCH SOTPSOTPZOPSOTPOTPOTP. "THANKS" a LOT. Bro goes inot my DTuPIF JAMES BEYyoVH room and im like Zoning Out daydreamig about like idk emails or something or maybe going thoerugfh and overhinking ever single word i have UTTERED since i have WALKED through Athese freaking doors of PURGATORY. so much for "SMART KID". like Naw someone shoot me in the head right now. im like allWEierdnad Awakwrd like thx all tiny. i get the HARDEST FREAKING SHHEETTT MUSIC OG MY LIFE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??????

its horirble. and every. montay. is oinGOING TO GET SO MUCH WORSE its ALL DOUBLEING BY HORRIBLE AMOUNT LIKE OH my GOD IDK HOW ILL BE ABLE TO WIDTHSTAND THAT GOODDDD FIRBID JEUSS CHRIST. (refreshing m y emails rn) WAHT IF I GAEBTHE WRONG MAIL LIKE A IDIOT. iwould do that. annoyiongasssssssssss..... stupid Freking "DUDE" DRESSSSS LIKE A DUMB MASC LESBIAN ACT LIKE A MASC LESBIAN OH MY GOD CHOOSE A SIDE?@?!??!?!?!?! UR FOOLING US ALL U LITERALLY WIN. my type thought is RENNEE FREAKING RAPP i think i alke died at least 10 times every time she came on screen during mean girls im not lying i need her so bad. Do not get me started. Gurl/ iCANNT STOP OVERSHAINTG if i keep recognizing that i overshare maybe it will stop being a problemm like Haha ur so funny Girl! (UR NOT!)

I found all these pics on pinterest Btw.

My really (un)interesting story #2

dont read this im brainrotting this isnt normal

• Composed on

so we play rebel girl. and i kinda suck as always but its whatevr! and its so fun! i love that song and its rly fun to play. and i learned cool new concepts~! and i loved it. and he was like Omg ive never rly taught punk so this is like new for me. and i was like :3. (keep in mind im actually the most AWKWARD GIRL EVER in ALL these INTERATIONS LOLOLOLOL!) god that song was awesome and we played it together with the speaker and it was so amazing. so then hes like... i can teach you some PIANO THEORY. AAGGGHH and i was like YISSSS!!!! he said "oh ya i dont rly play piano but i play VIBRAPHONE"???? GOD WHAT A FRREAKING GUY.

so we go in the piano room. im like idrk any theory. Lol. i can only read sheet music. Hah. so he's like ok so he teaches me a little stuff... some excersize and stuff i already know and then he teaches me the cricle of fourths (which i dont know!!! so aweseome) so hes like wat ru doing in piano? so i show him the Half Sheet of messed up writing Piano Teacehr James wrote me. and i was like OH ya i dont rly know.. i kinda just zone out in my classes bc he doesn't give me worksheets and he talks and he plays and i dont rly play and i need to be doing something to learn so i forgot everything Lol. and he was like Oh thats weird. i hope you dont feel that way abt my classes. and i was like OMGG no im actually playing. like its sos different. im fr learning from him. so then nico is so funny and is like yah he should be like... giving you stuff... you should say something....

so YES! fire amzing Monyay. AAMAZING start to the year! 1 hour and 10 whole minutes witj bae. Working. FREAKIN. OVERTIME. NO PAY. god jesus christ. it was amazing. ive peaked. Hahahaha IM SO NORMAL ABOUT EVERYTHING EVER JESUS HRIST. WHO ELSE DOES THIS PLEASE LET ME KNOW. i want so bad not to be me i think. i have more thoguths not abt this but i think this post is too long so ill make another post. :3

and so then he taught me new stuff! i get humbled so fast because i suck every time he teaches me stuff. just more practice for me! which i liked pracitcing. its fun ^_^! omg also he was like how was ur new year! and i was like omg i did nothing... Wbu? and he was like i saw The Drums in concert... i was like oh i never heard of them (IDIOT AF. i will listen NEOW. ugh). thats so COOOLL!!!! so yeah. cool fricking guy. anyways so he tauguht me all this stuff. hes taking on the TRUMPET which is so cool? and he was like "yep thats just what we do in this thing called music!" HEELLLOOO??? hee is jsut so Derp >.< also hes reading a freaking MILES DAVIS BIOGRAPHY AND IS INSPIRED OH MY GODDDDDDD im gonna loose my marbles.

anyways. let me tell you what happene d this Monyay. so i go. to my drum class. and King Niclo was like Hai and i was like Hai. wait im going too slow. we played jazz drums beats... whatever the term is.. which i freaking practiced myBUTTT off on! seriously. i did not stop playing until i was good at them. and i was good!!!!!! and he was like "omg ur gonna bring me to tears... none of my other students practiced" and i was like Omggzz Hahahaha :3.... (jazz drum is SUPER HARD!!! whatever swing stuff is CRAZY! it took me like 1 whole week nonstop practicing. so im rly proud!! i can see my progress.)

like jeez. soooo ya. soooo annnyways! my class ended and im supposed to have piano right after.. and guess what.. MY BEEYOTCH TEACHER JAMES WASNT FREAKIN THERE! i was like Omg. :( (but i dont like james hes kinda a bad teacher :P) so NICo wuz like... oh.... I can teach you for 30 more mins if you'd like :3 and i was like Heck FREAKIN YES! and so then we were the last ones in that studio bc the other teacher girl left... so we went to the drum room. and he was like So whatcha wanna do. and i was like ROCK SONG!!!! lets play REBEL GIRL BY BIKINI KILL!!!! and he was like yass.. whats that called.. riot grrl (stop feigning innocense. i know you know Nico) and i was like YISSS i love riot grrrl... and he was like Omg do u know Bratmobile and i was like YES!! Love them.

and i was like Yah i should.. so hes like you should give you like sheet music... and like... Not. and i was lke yeah. and he was like Omg sorry not to shit on him (HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT LOLOL. cursing funy) like he can teach however.. (backtracking af. but i agree with him) but you should do this and give him sheet music to teach you so you can like actualyly practice and learn! and ask questions! and i wa s like Yah thats my problem >.< but ya i hopefully will... he was like :3 (mr vibraphone. jeus fricking christ.) so we left. and i think today was the best day of my life. Fit was fire too. fishy t shirt. baggy jeans. white vans. and that freaking lesbian ass carabiner.

the drums the band he saw VVVVVV


the freaking VIBRAPHONE???! ^^^^

he told me to find jazz sheet music with this font!!!1

me being normal about everything:

hello! >_< it's me again. its the first day of 2024! today was really good! i won really good at Squishmallow Monopoly against my family. obviously. ^_^ and guess what! Its MONYAY!!!!!!!!!!!obviously. i was 3 weeks no monyay. but no. TODAy is monyay! and it was worth the 3 weeks. Lol. idk why i have brainrot. or Wut da heck is wron g with me for this. but i talked to my sister and she also gets like obsessions with people she think are cool. but i still feel like.idk. i think i should syart being normal. but its so funny in my head!

THIS IS SO UNTERESTING. i need to mind dump somehwere. winter break has caused me to have too many thoughtsand i cannot keep spamming my twitter and instagram. i need to overshare somewhere else. but i think the orgin is that i want to not be me so i want to be my coolo guy! so i will change everythuiig about myself. Yis. Uhgh. (FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)