my really (un)interesting thoughts #11


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haiyoooooo the internet!!!!!!


it is me. Brooke. again. Hmm. just Chillin!

and maybe its because im a lesbian (my favoeite excuse) that is why i don't get the ""hate ur ex"" thing. and also all the friends she was talking to.. like.. its not weird to still follow me!?? i still consider those people my friends and i would 100% wave or say hi.. but i just know they would make it some weird thing like "ohh omg -'s EX just WAVED! what a weirdo!" i get supporting your friends and all thaat and i know breakups are weird things. but i think we as a world make them weirder than they should be. especially when there was no like Horrible Peoeple involved.. just two people that didn't work together. so it sucks to hear that they are talking about me like that. i think that regret is a silly thing and the world focuses on the past too much and changing it and all too much to realize the lessons that are learned from them! you are giving too much power to something uncontrollable, so why not try to make it the best u can?

bro. im freaking trying to learn STUPID JAZZ SCALES!! on this DARN PIANO!!! but its SO HARD!!! what da FRICK is a lydian dominant diminished whatever I DONT EVEN KNOW!!!! its like im trying to be taught but i cant REMEMBER anything cause theres so much and im soooo frusterated bro. i dont think im cut out for this i was failed when i was only taught major and minor (the weird kind! NOT EVEN THE NORMAL MINOR KIND!) scales for 10 years. Bro. now i just feel like everything is like 10 times harder to comprehend and ill never get it like i wasnt made for this!!! im watching youtube videos and reading in between the freaking lilnes of these worksheets and nothing is clicking. i think ive spent too long blaming the teacher and it's time to blame myself for being BADDDD! comping is so hard and i cant even start anything! im DONE FOR!! DONE FOR!!! but i will try.. and persist.. one day ill be good hopefully. Trying Trying Trying.


i think hating ur ex is dumb in that circumstance! i mean idk!! my ex Girlf did some bad things to me and im sure i did some bad things to them, too, but i don't think it was on a level where we need to hate eachother? i was the one to break up with her and like.. it just didn't work out.. we had kind of gotten to a toxic level that was bad for both of us. i hold zero hatred or resentment or regret towards them at all! in fact, i would love to still talk to them!but no, theres this weird stigma whatever on "ohh shes ur ex.. lets all HATE HER GUTS and UNFOLLOW HER because she SUCKS and shes ur EX!" its dumb! and i know she has that towards me and all her friends too. LIKE once i was trying to be friendly when i bumped into her & waved at her!(NORMAL? THAT NOT EVEN WEIRD). and she gave me the nastiest look i've ever recieved. like bro! we used to be like. best friends! its been 3 months! why the hate?

welp. today my friend told me that she overheard my ex girlf and also my ex biffle talking about me with their friends during lunch. Sigh. she said that they were talking to their other friends abt how they still follow me and i post or say weird things or something idk (she said she couldnt catch mostly of what they were saying since it was loud). Sigh. i think that the whole whatever modern culture of exes is so dumb! and i dont think its that deep. i mean yeah, if someone is an awful horrible person obviously thats valid to hate them if they r ur ex or if some nasty drama happened. im talking about when its like.. more chill.. when u just don't work out because it doesnt! doesnt mean anyone is a bad person, it just doesnt work! and even in those situations people STILL make it all weird!!


maybe in the past (haha ironic) i would say i have regrets... but looking back on it (ok ironic again), i think every decision in my life has led up to THIS MOMENT and the lessons ive learned from past mistakes are so much more important than me never making those mistakes at all. and i know its been said before.. i just think its really important bc ive been watching so many people have so much regret for things that r unchangeable. or even like... attaching regret to objects and pictures and music! i know there are exceptions to this, and this is me having an OVERLY positive view on it, but ive never really gotten the like "oh i cant lsiten to this song" or "i have to throw everything they gave me out" cuz it reiminds u of whatever person. like idk embrace it! we focus SO MUCH on the bad memories that we forget the good ones. be sad they are no longer here but embrace the fun timez. i think. this is coming from a girl that still sleeps with the weighted plush my ex Girlf gave me (on the week that my cat died and i could barely get out of bed or do anything. so it meant a lot to me!) every night. and it doesnt bother me..... idk. might be because i tend to forget a lot of stuff in the past, so it kinda just feels like blurry far away good memories to me that i can barely remember. maybe. Sigh.

Bro no one shouldve given me access to this site. my oversharing powers have like multiplied by 50 billion. Sigh. YOLO i suppose. and im aware of how silly todays thoughts are and how theres so many more layers to it that i didn't say.. but its ok. ive been on such a thought journey this past couple of months.. i dont think ive ever thought this hard about the world and myself in it this hard EVER. Brah. well Hit dat like button and Smash Subscribe and Turn on notifs ty Baiiiiii. :3