2024/03/03 ☆*: .

i return! trying out a slightly different way of formatting posts this time, using a lot more of the random images i have saved :D hopefully it both looks cool and also does a better job of communicating who i am or something

back to school, bought my plane ticket home (july 1), had to reject the same guy again.

read 19 more books (including dungeon meshi, the last herald-mage series, and two different catholic school shojou/proto-bl manga), working through the 20th (boswell's same sex unions in pre-modern europe).

been doing slightly less drawing, and what i have been doing has been mostly in ms paint.

looking forward to going home, but enjoying my time here.

what do i want to do with my life? how do i convince an elderly couple of farmers to adopt me as their own? if i want to be a farmer, why the hell am i going to school for an astronomy degree? should i learn piano? write a book? which book do i write? or is a comic a better medium? what about a series of greek vases? is my favorite book not good? will my mother ever be proud of me? will i ever remember the difference between perfect and imperfect tense? will the world collapse in 10 years or 20?

i've been playing a lot of minecraft recently. i think it's a game that shows the inherent goodness of humanity. our desire to build. our ability to collaborate. that we don't need governing systems to care for each other.

i think a lot about rodrigo of caledon. what is love? boswell says that humans usually don't even properly understand what they are feeling at a given moment, and are therefore much less able to accurately identify emotions in another person. rodrigo loves rustin. is it different than the way he feels for tresa, his fiance? yes. is either of those feelings inherently more 'true' or 'meaningful'? i don't think so. tresa and her relationship to roddy admittedly feels a bit more one dimensional than the relationship with rustin, but she can't help being a woman in a 90s fantasy novel. catullus once tells lesbia that he loves her "not only as a mistress, but in the way a father loves his sons." i didn't get it for a while, but when i was picking out quotes for this post, i reread the paragraph that drives me insane ("was this love? would i feel so for tresa, were she mine?") and finally took the time to think about the sentence proceeding it: "were he a child of my own flesh, i could feel no greater pain." ohhh. this. this is what catullus was talking about. i see. i get it.

i like reading and talking about love, but i've never experienced genuine romantic attraction in my life. or maybe that's not it, but i love everything to the point where singling out one person to love the most seems ridiculous. i think this is the monk/nun grindset. maybe i should become a priest. hmm.

iphis and ianthe is so underrated despite being the only surviving greco-roman myth about sapphics...

i'm nearly done watching lotgh! only 9 episodes (out of 110) left... maybe next post will be about why it's so good. maybe.

pax!

x finish 31 days of charlotte mason

- read all of charlotte mason's books

- read through all my saved youth liberation books

x finish 'getting started on classical latin course'

- fully memorize catullus 16

- read 'lingua latina per se illustrata'

THEORY

LATIN

- finish 'an approach to calculus' course

- work through euclid's elements

- read plutarch's lives

- 'foundations' course

- 'cornerstone' course

- 2 essays of choice

- work on book of centuries

x 100% on jetpunk world countries quiz

x 100% on lizardpoint world countries quiz

- read through entire classics list (2/42)

MATH

HISTORY

LIT

CHARACTER

not holding myself to any sort of strict schedule, just going to work on what i want when i feel like it.

(though ideally completed before september 2024)

personal learning goals on subjects i'm interested in

- marc brunet yearly schedule

- finish sketchbook

ART

-̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶r̶n̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶r̶t̶h̶a̶n̶d̶

- write the 6 utena essays

x finish shakespeare copywork

WRITING

what up. i forgot how to do one of these...

i feel like nothing has changed but i'm pretty sure a lot of things have. where to even start?

taiwan's pretty cool. food is good and the mountains rock. made some friends and whatnot

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.

.

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i was pretty lonely the first couple of months. ended up talking to my friends back home more than i ever did when i was there, to the point where i did the thing where i convinced myself i liked my best friend as more than a best friend.

his crush finally returned his feelings so it all worked out (we have matching judas and jesus icons on discord though. so. who's really winning)

my chinese is getting pretty good i think. i can impress everyone's parents and buy vegetables from the old lady across the street, so i'm fluent in all the ways that count.

i actually got someone in my life (other than my mother) to read rodrigo of caledon and now he's watching logh too. more guys should fall in love with me and do this

(actually, i'm really annoyed about the being in love with me thing cuz he's definitely in love with me as a girl. it was really funny pretending to be a girl for the first couple months but i am over it now. i'm sure he'd be cool about it if i told him but it's funnier to try and explode him with my mind every time he calls me one than actually communicate my feelings.)

> i've been reading a lot of books. weird mix of fantasy trope reversal erotica (???), classics, and old sci fi novels that make me sound pretentious but are also just weird erotica.

> drawing a decent bit too, mostly oc stuff and logh/roc fanart. even planned out my utena e-shrine that i decided i'd make like four years ago. who knows when i'll get to actually coding it, but the plan is there.

> i even made two zines, up on itch.io (username there is also frandszk), both on different oc worlds (one is just a general introduction cuz i wanted to show off the art i've done for them and the other is an illustrated version of a passage i wrote years ago).

currently on winter break, which is a whole month :P school last semester was pretty boring but i asked them to give me actual classes in the next one

in a homeschool kick again so i've been reading a lot of charlotte mason blogs lol.

tried to start learning latin again but chinese has spoiled me with it's complete lack of word conjugation. i've memorized the first four lines of catullus 16 tho

finished my financial aid applications for college again, weird to think about how close that is. was looking through the dorm options the other day and it suddenly struck me how weird it's going to be to go to a college that i spent so much of my time in as a younger kid. eughhhh. hoping i can get one of the spots in the art program housing even if their cafeteria is exclusively gluten-free. i will sacrifice my gluten for getting to live in an old building with art kid-specific events all the time.

alright. that's all i got for now. i'll be back. at some point. to complain about gender or my life goals/purpose or religion or something equally deep and important.

last year, i had a goal to read 100 books. i barely completed it in time. this year, since i was going to spend the last third of the year in an exchange program, i figured around 70 books was a reasonable goal. ah. eheh. instead i read 130. here they are.

here's my fav art piece of 2023 too lol

<- i graduate highschool

<- i get a job

i read a lot! and a lot of very different things. and only reread rodrigo of caledon twice... you should read rodrigo of caledon. or maybe the seafort saga. i will die very happy if you do :'D

anyway don't judge me too much for any of these specific books, i simply read anything i can get my hands on. yeah. that's it. i've got excellent taste.

alright long post done!

1. taroko gorge

2. the last wish

3. the little friend

4. a bond undone

5. the foreigner

6. language in danger

7. running mother + other stories

8. twelfth night

9. plunkitt of tammany hall

10. babel: an arcane history

11. tomorrow + tomorrow + tomorrow

12. the scarlet letter

13. how languages work

14. ghost month

15. wild kids

16. writing without teachers

17. the elements of style

18. psychamok

19. the vampire lestat *

20. the wretched of the earth

21. the complete persepolis

22. game theory *

23. the tragedy of julius caesar

24. ethan frome

25. persephone station

26. the lathe of heaven

27. tundras, travelers, and other travesties

28. the calcutta chromosome

29. ursula k le guin: conversations on writing

30. vagabond

31. berserk

32. the great gatsby

33. worlds of modern chinese fiction

34. barron's ap human geo

35. barron's ap us history

36. xian chan nu

37. the teenage liberation handbook

38. anarchy and polyamory

39. stolen sharpie revolution

40. to kill a mockingbird

41. frankenstein

42. the queen of the damned

43. the anarchist jesus

44. you're already dead

45. the wave in the mind

46. green anarchism: toolbox

47. deschooling our lives

48. witches, midwives, and nurses

49. a way to victory

50. the catcher in the rye

51. the sparrow **

52. five rings

53. ghost in the chess machine

54. the new diary

55. the tale of the body thief

56. squire

57. ai no kusabi vol 1

58. ai no kusabi vol 2

59. ai no kusabi vol 3

60. enemies

61. ai no kusabi vol 4

62. devilman

63. desert solitaire

64. captive prince

65. ai no kusabi vol 5

66. everywhere all the time

67. jesus manga

68. children of god

69. three kingdoms vol 1

70. unlearning to draw

JUL

JUN

MAY

APR

MAR

FEB

JAN

KEY:

bold - favorite

* - increasing level of favorite

italics - a comic/zine, not a full novel

71. point character drawing

72. prince's gambit

73. the lords of night

74. dune

75. miss peregrine's hfpc

76. the still *

77. dune messiah

78. the king *

79. her shim-cheong

80. another kind

81. summerhill

82. they called us enemy

83. barbarites

84. homeschooling for excellence

85. king's rising

86. squished

87. the summer hikaru died

88. i hate you

89. vampire knight

90. MADK

91. kiota hatsukoi

92. the devil memnoch

93. blue period

94. when a man loves a man

95. american psycho

96. golden kamuy *

97. banana fish

98. the still **

99. return of the blossoming blade

100. my son is probably gay

101. scott pilgrim's precious little life

102. scott pilgrim vs the world

103. scott pilgrim and the infinite sadness

104. scott pilgrim gets it together

105. scott pilgrim vs the universe

106. scott pilgrim's finest hour

107. lost at sea

108. alexandros

109. witch hat atelier

110. d&d player's handbook

111. d&d dungeon master's guide

112. the king *

113. midshipman's hope *

114. challenger's hope

115. unapologetic: journal of irresponsible gender

116. prisoner's hope

117. 100 ways to disappear

118. genesis

119. inferno

120. exodus

121. ender's game

122. leviticus

123. purgatorio

124. settler sexuality

125. mapping the heavens

126. 300,000 kisses *

127. paradiso

128. fisherman's hope **

129. since my last confession

130. youth liberation now issue 1

<- i download my library's ebook app

DEC

NOV

OCT

<- i finally leave for taiwan

SEP

AUG

1. taroko gorge

7. running mother + other stories

19. the vampire lestat *

31. berserk

37. the teenage liberation handbook

49. a way to victory

64. captive prince

76. the still *

87. the summer hikaru died

95. american psycho

100. my son is probably gay

110. d&d player's handbook

<- i graduate highschool

<- i get a job

yo, thank you for blessing this site w/ your really neat posts. while i usually dislike trying to interact w/ people here bc that's not the point of the site, you mentioned the internet checkpoint so i am therefore morally obligated to point you to the taia777 fan discord server. idk if you're a discord user, but the server is probably the best one i've ever been in (and one of the members periodically reposts checkpoints, though unfortunately usually w/out the classic music for the sake of not getting instantly annihilated by nintendo)

also, in line w/ your complaints w/ shonen narcissism/pointless sunshine and rainbows, i think a show like haibane renmei might be more your speed? i haven't actually watched it in years so idk how actually good it is, but it lives in a very similar place in my head to land of the lustrous? might be worth giving a shot

https://discord.gg/Z8Ruceey

(normal method of links isn't working so copy and paste it is)

glad the site is back to functioning 〒▽〒

despite how ready i was to give up in the last post here, the visa worked itself out and i should be in taiwan by the end of the week. i'll be going to the highschool m/w/f and am taking primarily art/music classes, while t/th i'll be at a language learning program. more on this later.

VISA

i had just started legend of the galactic heroes last post too, but i'm now 30+ episodes in and willing to die for this show. omg. i love any space politics, but this is high quality space politics! i knew ******'s death was coming since the beginning and it still totally messed me up. managed to find the first two novels at a second hand book store too!!

LOTGH

SITE

updated my neocities for the first time in nearly a year, finally making a journal page, though specifically for my exchange at the current moment. out of practice but happy w/ how it turned out!

ART

https://frandszk.neocities.org/journal.html

been doing an actually decent amount of art recently too, both digitally and in my new sketchbook (finished the last one after over 2+ years lol). getting better at not needing to post art as soon as i make it too :D

CURRENTLY READING:

started trying to complete the blue period summer art challenge two weeks ago bc i reread blue period again, did 6 out of the 7 dessins but since i'm leaving in less than two days i think i'm going to have to call it quits for now. happy w/ what i learned, though!

the grace of kings

再見!

> PANIC TIME

while i personally wouldn't be too terribly bummed out if it all falls apart (i have recently been getting back into medieval reenactment and have been looking at nearby farm internships again), there are two things that worry me about it: a) it would be embarrassing as hell, especially since my mom has been telling literally everyone she knows since january, and if i'm not super upset, she'll think i didn't put the effort in. b) i'm not sure how it would affect my college deferment. i've already been accepted and my deferment accepted, and i don't think they'd make me start attending in the second semester as a freshman, but i'm pretty sure one of the big reasons i was even accepted was because of my taking part in this exchange program, and because i was so clear on what i would be doing in the extra year.

the host family can't help me much, since this isn't their field of expertise, but they've been super nice. and the online culture class i'm supposed to do before i arrive has also been a lot of fun so far. i'm looking forward to going, but at this point i think i'd be fine either way.

it was supposed to all work out, but i don't think it will. i'm supposed to be leaving in a little over two weeks for my exchange program, but i don't even have all the documents i need yet. the letter of sponsorship i need from the host club has still not arrived and the health certificate i sent to the embassy hasn't been returned, despite me sending it over 3 weeks ago. i also can't get a flight ticket until i get my visa, which is not helping my nerves.

> CURRENT INTERESTS

BOOKS: rodrigo of caledon*, iwtv, dune, captive prince

GAMES: ffxiv, fear & hunger; MISC: the roman republic,

ai no kusabi; SHOWS: legend of the galactic heroes;

medieval reenactment, troilus, early christian

theological debates

* i literally cannot recommend this book series enough. its only two books long (the still and the king), but david feintuch is insane. main character is a bit of a fool but his character growth is the most realistic i've ever seen, and all the characters are so interesting. if you like medieval light fantasy, or even if you don't, i am begging you: please read it

FOREIGN EXCHANGE

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS

got into my top choice college and my deferral request was granted! still waiting to get my financial aid package since i submitted it late. its an expensive school but i'm pretty sure the apocalypse/downfall of capitalism will show up soon enough so i am pretending it doesn't matter.

still haven't got guarantee form that i need to buy tickets/travel insurance and get a visa, but my first host family reached out to me via email and they seem super nice! the school i'll being going to seems fancy but not too fancy (and there's a boba place right across from the front entrance and the ocean is just 30 minutes away! woah) looking forward to it :DD

i've been taking an online class via zoom through the catherine project on classical syriac, which has been super fun. the north american syriac symposium is also coincidentally happening 4 hours away next week, which my teacher mentioned, so i ended up deciding to step outside of my comfort zone and go! i am a very very beginner at the language, but it's not like there are going to be quizzes or anything, and all the lectures sound really interesting (+ i'll get to meet my teacher in person lol). will try to remember to write down how it went afterwards!! thought my parents would be a little more against it since i'll be missing the last two days of classes, but they accepted pretty easy :]

CLASSICAL SYRIAC

got tears of the kingdom about a week after it came out and... i've only played it for a couple hours. i have a lot of the same problems i had with botw with it, except with totk i've already played botw so its even less fresh. i looove link's new outfits tho lol

LOZ: TOTK

SMOKE

started playing dnd for the first time w/ some friends! -->

ART

been recovering from an extra bad art slump. i just finished the first two proper pieces i've done since january type of bad. trying to ease myself back into it slowly, but also forcing myself to actually finish my sketches, not just doodle a little bit and call it a day. thinking about going through one of the anatomy reference books i got for christmas, since i've only briefly looked through it and if i can channel my study addiction to art i actually might start drawing more consistently again.

wooo forest fires in canada!!! the air is so yellow everything looks like a vintage photo all the time, which is probably nooooot a good thing for my lungs but makes my brain very happy (also they let us go home from school early lol)

(long time no post lol) anyways, this month i had not one but three different little guys (aka important historical/religious figures) bouncing around in my head so i figured i could use that as a post topic! i would post here more if i had a more interesting life but i don't soooo--

this guy was new discovery for me! while i know a little bit about early chinese history (xiran jay zhao's videos are really fun) i'd never heard of him and therefore had the experience of a lifetime reading his wikipedia article.

he was an (alleged) eunuch who served under all three emperors of the qin dynasty and is generally credited as a key figure in its downfall. while his parents committed some crime that led to their execution and the castration of his brothers (+ him? more on that later), he entered the palace as 中車府令 (prefect of the imperial carriages office) but, more importantly, also served as an attendant and tutor for the emperor's younger son.

ZHAO GAO 趙高

following the death of the emperor, he worked with the imperial chancellor of the time, li si, to falsify the emperor's will so that the younger son would get the throne instead of the crown prince. after becoming emperor, the son promoted zhao gao to 郎中令 (prefect of the gentlemen of the palace). not satisfied with such a measly promotion, he framed the imperial chancellor for treason, for which li si and his entire family were executed. with a now vacant imperial chancellor position, zhao gao was offered another promotion.

(going back to the castration thing, eunuchs were not allowed to become imperial chancellors, which is the reason for the debatability of his eunuch-hood. he is still almost always referred to as a eunuch tho, so whatever floats ur boat)

ziying would only rule for 46 days before the collapse of the dynasty.

during the reign of the younger son, the phrase "to call a deer a horse," or deliberate misrepresentation, was born. zhao gao brought a deer to court and presented it to the emperor as a horse. while the emperor pointed out that it was clearly a deer, zhao gao asked each the court for their opinion on the matter.

Side Story: "指鹿為馬"

(see end for more notes)

while some stayed true to their eyes and agreed with the emperor, others decided it best to go along with zhao gao and called it a horse. later, zhao gao would go on to execute the officials who had called it a deer.

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.

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i had originally planned to talk about all three guys in this post, but zhao gao's life story ran long so i think i'll wrap it up here for now. i'll probably upload the other part within the next week!

<

NEXT EPISODE: saint sebastian / julius caesar >>

however, zhao gao soon became worried that he would be forced to take the blame for rebellions breaking out in the east. so, being the reasonable fellow he was, he staged a coup and killed the emperor. he then navigated the original crown prince's (alleged) son, ziying, onto the throne. ziying, however, was smarter than his father and uncle and could see the writing on the wall: wanting to avoid getting killeded by zhao gao, he called in sick on his coronation day. when zhao gao arrived to persuade him to attend, a eunuch hired by ziying assassinated him.

2022 GOAL: READ 100 BOOKS

STATUS:

complete

51. 08/11 - zachary ying and the dragon emperor

52. 08/12 - we do this 'til we free - abolitionist organizing and transforming justice

53. 08/15 - gifts

54. 08/16 - mutual aid

55. 08/17 - the shoemaker and the tea party

56. 08/22 - the prisoner

57. 08/24 - the still **

58. 08/26 - the king

59. 08/28 - tiamat's wrath

60. 08/29 - freedom is a constant struggle

61. 08/31 - leviathan falls

62. 09/01 - dreaming in chinese

63. 09/02 - the catcher and the rye

64. 09/05 - manga in theory & practice

65. 09/21 - at dusk

66. 10/07 - daily rituals

67. 10/09 - memory's legion

68. 10/09 - luteniant nun

69. 10/14 - my senpai is annoying

70. 10/16 - chainsaw man part 1

71. 10/22 - fire punch

72. 10/24 - voices

73. 10/26 - the poppy war *

74. 10/26 - the grapes of wrath

75. 10/28 - klara and the sun

76. 10/31 - strange beasts of china

77. 10/31 - the prince

78. 11/02 - supernova era

79. 11/03 - of mice and men

80. 11/05 - empire of the vampire

81. 11/06 - hua hu ching

82. 11/09 - aurora rising

83. 11/10 - tao te ching

84. 11/11 - the sunbearer trials

85. 11/16 - the dragon republic

86. 11/20 - beginner's guide to community based art

87. 12/01 - a hero born

88. 12/03 - tai chi chuan and meditation

89. 12/05 - powers

90. 12/08 - the burning god

91. 12/11 - the secret history

92. 12/11 - taoism

93. 12/14 - the diaries

94. 12/15 - ruinsong

95. 12/17 - buddha in your backpack

96. 12/18 - the metamorphosis

97. 12/19 - death of a salesman

98. 12/22 - interview with the vampire

99. 12/26 - in an antique land

100. 12/31 - the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde and other stories

KEY:

bold - favorite

# of * - level of increasing favorite

REFLECTION: did i read a lot? yes. did i like it? yeah sure. will i do it again? probably not.

1. 01/01 - grandmaster of demonic cultivation vol 1

2. 01/05 - anyway the wind blows

3. 01/11 - leviathan wakes

4. 01/12 - iluminae

5. 01/16 - heaven official's blessing vol 1

6. 01/21 - caliban's war

7. 01/25 - abbadon's gate

8. 01/28 - the sirens of mars

9. 01/31 - verdant hopes

10. 02/15 - atomic habits

11. 02/?? - one small step can change your life

12. 02/25 - what i talk about when i talk about running

13. 02/26 - the song of achilles

14. 02/27 - iron widow *

15. 03/22 - cibola burn

16. 03/22 - frankenstein **

17. 03/25 - grendel

18. 04/08 - night

19. 04/09 - tastes like war

20. 04/30 - nemesis games

21. 05/03 - train to pakistan

22. 05/08 - the memory librarian

23. 05/11 - shadow lines

24. 05/12 - rocannon's world

25. 05/14 - planet of exile

26. 05/16 - city of illusion

27. 05/20 - left hand of darkness

28. 05/21 - the dispossessed

29. 05/22 - hainish stories

30. 05/23 - the unquiet ghost - russians remember stalin

31. 05/25 - babylon's ashes

32. 05/26 - lord of the flies

33. 05/28 - botany in the field

36. 05/30 - anarchism

37. 06/02 - the lives of others

38. 06/04 - the low land

39. 06/05 - the ultimate guide to homeschooling

40. 06/11 - beastars

42. 07/08 - always coming home

41. 07/10 - anarchism & other essays

42. 07/13 - persepolis rising

43. 07/20 - avialae

44. 07/24 - bakunin - the creative passion

45. 07/26 - a soldier's story - revolutionary writings of a new afrikaan anarchist

46. 07/31 - tablet & pen - literary landscapes from the middle east

47. 08/03 - the circle of reason *

48. 08/04 - moon of crusted snow

49. 08/09 - the modern school movement - education and anarchism in the united states

50. 08/10 - freshwater

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS

last post, i talked about making a visual novel again. and this time, i actually did it! it's a pretty short game (like 3 min short -_-) and isn't terribly polished, but it's my first ever (non scratch based) game, and i'm super proud of it! i understand ren'py a little better now, though idk when i'll make my next game. still, a new achievement!!!

VISUAL NOVEL

(also, if ur reading this multiverse user incantatem, while i have yet to start reading it, i now have a library copy of eotv v1 in my to-read pile! looking forward to it lol)

READ/READING

https://frandszk.itch.io/harvest-blues

- voices (le guin)

- the prince (machiavelli)

- chainsaw man

- fire punch

hello this is real te

CONCERTS

took the psat in the beginning of october too. overall think i did pretty good, even if the math section was way harder than any of the practice tests i took. apparently my school doesn't offer sat testing, so i'll have to go to the hs in the nearby city for that. it's too late to sign up for the november sat, but i think i'll take the dec 3 one even though it'll still be two days before i actually get my psat scores back. :/

STANDARDIZED TESTING

went to my second concert w/ friends last saturday! it happened at a tea bar i've been wanting to check out, so it's a double win. missing homecoming dance for it, but who really goes to homecoming dance anyway? (two of my friends are, but that still leaves one friend + her gf so its fine)

since i'm graduating early, i realized i should probably start looking at colleges, and then just defer enrollment for a year so i can still do the exchange program (speaking of which, went to the passport fair! just gotta get the ridiculous amount of forms together and do the district interview, and then i just gotta wait to get told whether i got in). my first choice's early decision deadline is in less than a month, so i should probably get a move on. i also looked at some foreign universities, though most english-taught programs are only post-grad, which limits my options (or if there are undergrad programs, they're usually finance). did find one english-taught program in environmental science which seems cool, though i have to take like two extra ap tests since they want more standardized testing scores and therefore won't be able to apply until next year.

2022.09.12

glad that people are still willing to pay for my art, even though i haven't been that active there. def need to set up a way to transfer out the money one day tho.

i also reopened my commissions yesterday, and managed to get three commissions already, totaling over $50. while that number is definitely big to my past self, i realized i need to increase the prices again, since it definitely takes me more than 2 hours to do a fully shaded fullbody.

been playing around with a couple vn ideas in my head. thinking of making a pre-invasion funo-shika story which will let me show some of the world building (i have yet to do) for tenai that i might not be able to show in the actual funo-shika story.

had, like, a religious experience or something yesterday. overall it was a pretty shitty bad pain day where i couldn't work up enough motivation to cook anything and we had no good leftovers to eat, so i ended up curling up w a blanket and resigning myself to death or whatever.

i ended up scrolling through the entire twitter acc of this artist i really like but don't keep up with much right before bed, and grabbed a random sweater in the dark since it was so cold.

stopped checking in over the summer, but i'm back to school (and have three [edit: now only two] study halls thanks to a stupid amount of scheduling overlap) so hopefully more posting will b happening here on my behalf!!

2022.09.11

that sweater was a new one i got a couple weeks ago, and managed to cure my bad mood over night, and i now suddenly have motivation to do stuff again. i played through the last free visual novel by that artist and now i'm thinking about trying to learn ren'py again...

if i did do that, it might be cool to do something w sillon's sister, since she'll show up once or twice in the actual story, though i have to take into account how long before the invasion i want it to take place, since she's supposed to be the same age as him.

finished my junior year in three days lol (my counselor told me i could just graduate this year since i'll have all the credits i need) unfortunately that does mean ceding to my mother and looking at colleges soon :/

balancing school work and art sucks, even though i had even less free time over the summer when i was working full time, at least work felt like i was doing something productive and not just mindlessly cramming my brain with information that the government said i need to know.

2022.09.14

to put a link in a multiverse post, u have to have the link up somewhere else on the web. right click it and press "copy" and once pasted into the multiverse post editor it should still work as a link!!

hopefully that helps!

<<

it's friday, which means my first week back to school after spring break is almost over. thank god. school is eternally exhausting. ap exams are coming up and i am not looking forward to them :/

2022.04.22

today was the first day of the local comic con, and i went with four of my friends!!! it's been cancelled for the last two years, so i'm glad it was finally happening again this year.

started watching serial experiments lain finally, really enjoying it so far ( ᐛ )و

2022.04.23

i spent all 70 of the dollars i brought with me, and got a signed photo from some guy who apparently was a klingon actor in deep space nine! (haha i've only watched 2 episodes of dsn but i managed to almost hold a conversation) i got a really nice steven universe fan zine too, along with a bunch of stickers and a couple art prints.

for lunch, we ended up walking downtown to get burritos my favorite restaurant that i haven't been to in forever, definitely worth the mile walk down but the mile walk up was a pain--

two of the previously mentioned friends ended up coming home w me because my neighbor is having a late birthday party, so i ended up spending over 12 hours with both of them,, kind of exhausted (socially, physically, and mentally) now!!

2022.04.24

2022.04.29

not looking forward to that :/ because i've been spending more time studying this last week, i've had less time to draw/game which means my bad moods get worse

a pretty chill day. been working on going through the ap daily review videos in preparation for my upcoming ap european history exam. may 6th, babyy--

almost done with this week! joined a study group discord which has been helpful in motivating me to keep up with my assignments and studying, though i have yet to have a proper conversation there.

finally bought a new thing of boba pearls, it's been over two weeks since i've last had some which was an uncomfortable change from my nearly daily boba (i like being able to chew my tea, just drinking liquid is boring)

finished making the button for my necities, not quite sure if i love it but it's not bad. gotta actually finish up my button page though so i can post it there.

only a week left until ap exams!!! working hard ⊂(=_= ；

decided to make myself a nice lunch today instead of just packing some leftovers from the day before, and i'm really excited for lunch now. it took almost an hour to cook the rice and the soup, but i think it was worth it, actually doing stuff when i get up helps me keep my energy high throughout the day.

it's been a bit since i've posted here.

my motivation in general has been going up and down throughout the month. i had a stretch where i was posting daily, nice and motivated to get my work done. then my brain caught up to me and i got to the point where i felt like nothing i did was good enough.

2022/03/25

2022/03/29

2022/03/31

i've been checking in on the site on a regular basis, but haven't been motivated enough to actually write anything for myself. (perhaps because i usually check it while at school, and all my gifs/imgs are on my home pc?)

this usually happens when i get really into a new piece of media and i start comparing myself to the professional level art and sometimes even the fanart. because my brain hates me, i got into three different things at once (started watching vtubers again, witch hat atelier, and sonny boy). but the cycle ends with me hyping myself up enough to try and study those new artists and get closer to their level, and i get motivated for a while until the whole thing happens again.

last day of march! hhhhgh my teachers all decided we needed excessive amounts of homework because break is almost here or smthn so my head is currently in the constant state of ache.

haven't got ayato yet, but i did finally get yunjin! didn't need c3 of her tho :/ the chasm has been pretty fun to explore though! i'm just really tired these days, i barely play genshin for more than an hour, and haven't finished art for the last couple days.

the asynchronous javascript class has reached the point where i don't really understand what i'm doing. ended up just giving up on the final part of the code for the assignment due yesterday so i could turn it in on time.

i just want to sleep.

2022/04/09 - finally added all the gifs/imgs, procrastinated way too long on that lol

i've been playing genshin a lot recently, though i can feel the burnout coming. at least i'll have more time to draw when it happens. ayato's banner is coming out tonight! i saved up enough primogems for two ten pulls, which probably isn't enough, unless i get the same luck i get with baal (both times her banner was out i got her on my 11th pull, which was cool the first time, but not the second time since i wanted one of the four-stars on the banner).

i recently designed a new character for funo-shika, the old fumi leader! decided i needed to make it clearer who the real villain was (iliou) so we had to make the guy actually committing the crimes have mother issues.

yesterday i started trying to remix a utena track into more of a breakcore vibe, idk anything about audio-editing so it's going pretty slowly, but i like it so far. breakcore, at least from what i get of it, is kind of like anti-music, so making it sound good is kind of the opposite of what i want. dunno if i'll finish it, but trying new things is always fun.

and just like that, we're onto march

03/03:

haha remembered nanoreno is in march, considering trying to speedlearn ren'py but last week of school was not a fun time so trying to balance learning how to and creating a visual novel in the month with school sounds like an idea i should probably not try

03/05:

while i told myself yesterday nanoreno was not a good idea rn, my brain came up w an actually decent idea for a quick visual novel that wouldn't be that long/complicated in terms of story while still having enough difference from the players choices-- i think i'll try to start learning ren'py and start on the draft for the script, but i'm not going to try and rush to finish in time for the challenge.

03/06:

03/07:

back to cold weather and school,, finished up the about page for my neocities, at least! :D working on a bunch of character designs for the game and editing some of the basic stuff of the ren'py code. realized this visual novel will be mostly dialogue, which is definitely the part of writing i am the most uncomfortable with--- hopefully this'll give me a good chance to improve at it, though

unrelatedly, the weather today has been super nice!! it's the perfect temperature, not cold and not warm, i spent a decent amount of time outside today! :D

would b swell if my brain could decide on literally anything. if i don't hang out w people, i get really sad, but when i hang out w people i overthink things to the point where i feel sick, which makes any social interaction kind of suck.

look at that,

another trip around the sun

birthdays are weird, honestly. it's cool that i've existed another year, i suppose, but nothing really feels different. nothing changes except a number that i don't even remember properly half the time. it's a free excuse to eat more sweets and i get first choice for the movie we watch tonight, and that's all u really need in life, right?

as you get older, birthdays seem less important, despite the bigger number. you get busier, it's not as much of a big deal. when i was younger, i looked sadly on the dwindling number of gifts, but now i'm not even sure if i got less gifts, or if they simply seemed smaller to my growing mind. these days, my mom's chocolate waffles are enough for me, though, they're seriously the best (all her food is amazing, but chocolate waffles are only for special days, so they hold an extra special place in my heart and stomach).

i got contacts for the first time today too, which is fun! wasn't quite looking forward to going to the eye doctor on my bday but since my glasses have been busted for over a month, it's nice to finally b able to see again! (i only have trouble w distance, so using my computer is fine, but school is more of a challenge). the doctor was nice enough to even get me a cupcake since i had mentioned my next appointment was on my bday, they're super nice!!

happy birthday to me !!

i set a goal in the beginning of the year to read 100 books, and managed to read my planned 9 books during january. this month, i've only read 1. if i had books to read, i probably would, but i haven't had a chance to go to the library and check out new books, and the books i have on hold haven't arrived yet...

tried a new coloring style on a piece i did for a valentines day collab on ig, not the biggest fan of how it looks but it took less time than my previous process, ig.

i've been doing a lot of quick studies recently instead of working on finished pieces, and idk how to feel about that. i'm learning, i think, but it also feels weird not to do finished art, since i used to only do that.

somehow february is over halfway through already.

recently, i've been working a lot harder on studying. i found a university i really like, but the admissions are pretty strict and i want my grades to be the best possible to improve my chances of getting in. my grades are pretty decent, i think, but there are a bunch of other smart kids in my grade so i'm only 6th in the class. studying is oddly relaxing, it's been enjoyable.

you got this.

i still don't want to fall behind on my reading goal, though, so i guess it's time to dig out my "cnovels to read" list and ruin my eyes on a screen some more :D

sometimes i wonder if i actually like art, or if i'm just doing it because it's all i've ever done.

i've gone weeks before without drawing, without the craving to create though, is it really the creation i want, or just my routine back?

'who am i without art?' i wonder

i'd settled into a nice routine over the weekend, waking up early and working out in the morning, managing to get four hours of art in throughout the day, and even time blocked out for coding and language learning. but it's a school week again, and i have too much homework and not enough time.

tuesday i got home early, so i should've had plenty of time to draw or code, but somehow schoolwork snuck up on me again and the hour i planned to spend learning korean with my sisters (a strange form of sibling bonding, but a fun one, i'll admit) turned into three, and i once again went to sleep without opening my laptop.

i've started doodling in classes again, my hands impatient to create. i guess i do like art, which is a reassurance. hopefully i get a chance to draw tonight.

do you know how much you like something until you've gone without it?

monday i lost three hours to a garden club meeting- maybe lost is the wrong word, i enjoy the club and the people there, but i usually just want to go home after a long day of classes, especially on a monday. between homework and coordinating an outfit with a friend, i ended up going to sleep without even opening my laptop.

all the art except the tgcf manhua panels and the pixel cat r by me!

hey there! today was a snowday, which meant i had plenty of time to work on some of my own stuff, which is always nice!

i had leftovers of the chili sauce i made yesterday w/ some tofu and rice for lunch, and it was just as good as it was yesterday!! i finally finished a piece of fanart i've been working on for a while, and got a chance to start properly planning out the design for my new vtuber model (see img to right)!

some design sketches i did today !! :D

feel free to add me on discord at frandszk#3722

made some progress on redoing my neocities today! it's still in the early stages but it's a lot more stable than the old version-- the main thing i need to focus on now is filling it with weird images and gifs which is probably gonna be the most time consuming part :'D

honestly that's pretty much it for today, i don't have a lot of exciting things going on in my life, but i'm gonna keep trying to consistently journal here. hoping u have a good day!! (づ￣ 3￣)づ

i got a decent amount of schoolwork done, though i probably should've done more-- i'm doing a writing challenge this month to try and get back into writing fiction again but uhhh i wrote a single paragraph today before giving up. writers block is something i'm definitely a lot less accustomed to dealing with than art block, but hopefully i'll get better at managing it once i begin to write more often?

(if u want to talk to me abt rgu, svsss, or literally anything else, message me on discord at frandszk#3722 !! i hate talking to people but uhh i'm trying to change that)

things i like in no particular order:

- conlangs, language learning

- world building :DD

- black tea, weird tea cups

- REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA!!!

- minecraft, rhythm games

- pixel art, ms paint

yoo hi! i've been lurking around this site appreciating the customizable posts and decided it was finally time to make an account--

i'm frandszk (fran for short) a hs sophmore who likes web design and trashy sci-fi novels! i spend most of my time drawing and crying about revolutionary girl utena (i use they/them and zey/zem btw!)

not sure how consistent i'll be when posting here, but it seems really cool and i look forward to spending more time here!

(all these doodles r by me btw, except this icon, which is from summon night!!)