the world i see

short hikes, friends, wooden texture, stationery, what do you see through your eyes?

an unnecessarily thorough analysis of the hatbox ghost's movie design

i am not normal about this crusty bone man

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so! after a very, VERY long wait, disney released the first teaser trailer for Haunted Mansion (2023) a few weeks ago and i have some Thoughts about it. mainly about the hatbox ghost. because i am always thinking about him for some reason. don't ask

so as you can see, the trailer is... pretty visually dark and very fast-paced, so it's kinda hard to see a lot of things. BUT, slowing it down does let us have a look at some of the more interesting bits. as i said before, i'm going to be specifically focusing on the hatbox ghost, who has 3 (almost 4) scenes in this teaser which i have overanalyzed the hell out of.

let's start with the first scene he's in.


*(i've slowed down the gifs in this post to make the details easier to see.)

like pretty much every shot in this trailer, this one is very short, about a second long. here we can see one of the mortal protagonists watch hatbox as he turns the corner at the end of a hallway. one of the things i love about the movie's version of hatbox; he has a very distinct silhouette due to his signature top hat, collared cape, and the hatbox he carries (of course), which looks more like a lantern in this version. more on that later

*sorry about the quality, it was surprisingly hard to make these gifs

slowing it down again, aside from the general silhouette, we can actually make out a few details in this.

firstly, it seems that hatbox's body goes completely skeletal and transparent in the window light; this feature is seen with a few of the other ghosts in the trailer, namely the bride and organist. this might be taking reference from his original 1969 animatronic form, whose clothes were seemingly made of clear plastic or vinyl.

now let's zoom in a bit. i sped the shot back up to normal speed to get an idea of how he moves, since this is the only full-body shot of him we have right now that's not him just standing still. even though he barely takes a step here, he seems to walk pretty slowly, and definitely has the hunched-over posture that his ride version does, even if only a little. the slow walk speed could just be because of the length of the shot or something to do with the scene it's part of; it's not clear what he's doing here, if he sees the other character down the hall, and if he does, what his intentions are in this scenario. we'll have to wait and see.

a smaller and much less noticeable detail is that he does in fact seem to be holding a cane like his in-ride design; it's very briefly visible (i think) when he lifts his arm near the end of the shot.

onto the next bit; this shot is seen in the scene where the windows and doors disappear from the "stretching room", calling back to the original ride. here we can see hatbox standing outside one of the windows for less than a second before it quickly snaps shut and vanishes. again we can only see him as a silhouette, with very few details visible aside from the shape of his cape, hat, hatbox, and possibly a little bit of hair. the lantern box design element appears again, creating a brilliant focal point for this shot and for his design in general; the bright yellow light contrasts with his dark clothing and surroundings really well.

here i've drawn a rough outline of what i can make out in his silhouette. aside from the general outline of his form, a bit of his coat and tie can be seen. the coat looks similar to his in-ride appearance, but the bow tie is new. you can actually see it a lot better in the next shot, so let's move on

now this. this is THE shot. the clearest look we have at movie hatbox in the entire trailer.

(i actuallly did a screenshot redraw of this part, using my own personal interpretation of his appearance!)

one major detail here is that he actually teleports the whole box alongside his head, which is interesting; plus, at the beginning of the shot, you can actually see him without both his head and hatbox, allowing for a better look at his upper body.

it's still very dark, but you can clearly see his hat, shoulders, and bow tie; though, strangely, his hands aren't the same bright white as his face, or blue like any of the other ghosts. he actually seems to be wearing some sort of black gloves, which i first thought was odd because none of his previous designs ever had gloves to my knowledge. however, there is one version of the hatbox ghost that not only has gloves, but also a bow tie that's very similar to the one he wears in the movie...

at the 2013 D23 expo, a prototype hatbox ghost animatronic was displayed at one of the imagineering booths. this version looked a lot like ezra, one of the hitchhiking ghosts, as he was much taller and more upright than the original animatronic. however, he still had the signature top hat, cape, jacket, and- like the movie design- a bow tie and gloves. intentionally or not, i do like how movie hatbox's looks all take inspiration from his three past designs; the transparent clothing of his 1969 figure, the gloves, height, and bow tie of his D23 prototype, and the dark clothing and general design of his current iteration.

now (as noted in the bottom corner of this edit...) this shot is still *very* dark, but i did end up noting that here hatbox's ribs seem to be exposed when illuminated by the light of his box. alongside that, his face here does look almost exactly like the animatronic, but the lighting from inside the box is... really throwing me off here. is he normally this white? is he blue like the other ghosts? the second option seems like the most likely option, with the yellow lighting making him very washed out looking.

overall, i absolutely love what we've seen of hatbox's new design so far! i'm sure it'll be a lot better and clearer in the actual movie, but i adore this new take on him based on his previous animatronic looks. just hoping he'll be good as an actual character...

so... this one's not specifically a hatbox ghost-centric shot, but it might be related. to his role in the story. here, one of the mortals is apparently possessed by hatbox, as seen by the manifestation of his top hat on their head and the slight decay of their face, exposing sunken eyes and a skeletal nose.

now, i initially thought the mortal here was Ben, one of the main protagonists. the hair and skin tone are similar to the possessed individual, but upon taking a closer look, it doesn't look like they have a beard, and their hair is longer and more wavy in appearance, with some sort of metal accessories.

after Ben, the most likely subject is the psychic (i forgot her name, sorry); she has a similar dark skin tone, no beard, and dark, wavy hair. plus, her connection with the supernatural might make her more vulnerable to possession. either that or it's a completely new character we haven't seen, which wouldn't really make sense, but i'm not disregarding the possibility.

so lastly, i have a few thoughts on what the hatbox ghost's role will be in this new movie. we don’t see much of him in the trailer, but what we do see is pretty different from the other two main ghosts (the bride and hatchet man). compared to the other two, which come across as scary axe-wielding maniacs, hatbox doesn’t seem as aggressive towards the mortals. 2 of the 3 scenes where he appears, he seems to just be observing them, mainly in the shot where the windows and doors disappear in the stretching room (maybe he’s the one doing it, who knows, but still). then there's the hallway scene, which is… really too vague to tell anything; as i mentioned earlier, either he doesn’t see the mortal at the other end of the hall, or doesn’t really care about him being there.

the third scene in the library is possibly the same scene as the danny devito clip connected to it, so in that case they’re definitely directly interacting there. again, hatbox doesn’t seem actively aggressive towards the mortal, if anything just scaring him

the possession scene, though. that's interesting.

maybe it’s just me being hopeful but i don’t think hatbox is necessarily evil. my idea would be that he's more neutral, maybe antagonist leaning in that he's biased towards supporting the other ghosts, similar to how he is in the disney kingdoms comic series. what i was thinking was that he could start off as a sort of omen or messenger, warning the family to get out before the others find them, but of course... the mortals don't.

near the end he could finally pick a side; another idea i had was where the others decide that the mortals are right and that they should move on, but hatbox isn’t having it, he’s been there too long to just be kicked out all of a sudden; alternatively, he could realize his friends have gone too far and try to defend the mortals.

so tl:dr, i think that hatbox will be a neutral party until the end of the film where he either decides to help or harm the mortals. either that, or a straight-up deranged but still enjoyable villain. i think a purely villainous angle could work; disney really needs a good, pure evil villain for once, just saying. i'm not sure how it'll all end, obviously, but i'm excited to see how the story goes.

so yeah! that's my take on the hatbox ghost's movie design and my theories on what role he'll play in the plot. again, really looking forward to this film, hopefully it'll be decent at least.

thank you for reading this thing that i definitely didn't spend several hours on. hurry back

Blog 1

trying 2 get in tha habit of blogging! (0v0)

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heyy every1 !! itz pixelmew <33 today, im gna b blogging my day!!! i wanna start blogging so i remember wut i do daily hehe


sooo today im not at school bc i keep seein things n have to calm down... bleh

but!!this means i can listen to music n watch anime now muahahaha



and uhhhmmm... thatz all 4 now! love u guys... byebye! :3

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ADD ME ON INSTA : YX_HUMAN

REMIND ME WHERE YOU ARE FROM

!

WHAT A DAY TO LIVE, what is it with people? Like i want to be KIND yet they are rude, whats the issue with them??? Expect kevin, kevin is cool, SO YA how do people live knowing some one wants to care about them but doesnt care about them!!!

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was fukin around with JSPaint and ended up with dis black n white scene kid.

i dont usually do art with my mouse, i mostly use pencil n paper. but it turned out better than i expected.

tell me wat u think, im gonna be putting this on meh website (crashtestdummy.neocities.org)

the shading kinda looks like chest hair ._.

rambling about severely random things that irk me

Listening to: Smokey Eyes -Lincoln

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I hate DNIs, who are you to tell me what and what not to do? I get listing people who you aren't fond of and will never want around you or talk to, but a DNI? You can't control me lol

I hate Twitter, I only have it because the guys who make BFDI post updates on there. Our sites are NOT your webcore! Wtf! Also, I fucking hate -core shit, you don't need to add -core to weird just call it weird? Hate how normalized -cores are it's so dumb fuck u Twitter

I hate cops I hate cops what. Who put these people in power?? Why do they get to kill me for no reason?? That's not fucking fair?? There's no such thing as a good cop, just a good person who happens to be a cop. All cops are stupid disgusting brutes who abuse people just cus they can.

I hate people who hide behind their mental illnesses or use it to try and excuse their actions. No, you don't draw child porn because you were abused and "use it to cope" (constantly re-exposing to your trauma over and over again is bad for your mental health...) you do it because you're fucking disgusting and WEIRD.

Why do politicians care so much about how I live MY life? Let me live in fucking PEACE god DAMN. So WHAT if I'm trans? It has NOTHING to do with you oh my fucking god. How about you go worry about your failing marriage instead of sticking ur dick in my business?

I hate gatekeepers why do you hate artists so much let people get the recognition they deserve and let people find new things to enjoy I don't CARE that you're upset about "B-But its mainstream!" you should be HAPPY that your fav artist is mainstream you should be HAPPY that you now have more people to talk about the artist's work with

Girl In Pieces

Please read this book please

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So, I was at the mall yesterday, celebrating my birthday. My friend wanted the Heartstopper coloring book (which they indeed got!) so we stopped at Barnes & Noble.

And my eyes averted toward this book, which was on a table, a sign above it reading #booktok (ew. I hate shit like that)

I heard a bunch about this book from the internet, and how good it was, so on impulse I bought it.

Since it was on a table labeled #booktok, I expected it to be hella sappy and stereotypical...

But oh my fucking god. This book. This fucking book it's breaking me it's hurting me so bad

I won't spoil anything, but you should def pick this book up like now like right now go to the bookstore right now and buy this book

I am currently on page 134, and I've only had it for one day. That's how hard it is to put it down.

I rarely ever cry at books and movies, but this book got me blinking back tears in class

birthday

March 6th, 2023

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Happy birthday to me

I just turned 16

Watch me be unable to get a job because I am severely unlucky

Also my parents made me go to school on my birthday, I already hate today and I wanna die

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I got a 100 on a history test

yay :)

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i've been busy taking an introductory electronics course. it's really cool. i've always wanted to explore science as a creative medium, being some of my favorite artists are scientists and engineers.

also been exploring ambient music and soundscapes. i really love drones and lush atmospheres that envelope you in a peaceful, comatose like state.

i keep finding myself falling back into being a shut-in no matter how old i get. i think that might be a core part of my programming or maybe it's just being heightened by the state of the world.

i find myself thinking a lot and contradicting myself. it's an interesting scenario to witness. i find pleasures in this life often. they are unorthodox compared to the pleasures often advertised to us but they are mine, and they make me happy. i'd like to open up more about them eventually

^ i drew this

neocities update. i plan on implementing flexbox this month and finishing my first page. i want to work on it faster but i'm trying not to stretch myself too thin. i really like doing this though. html as an art form is really fun, and i really like browsing other people's websites. my perspective on the internet is always evolving despite being on it my whole life.

devilsoftware.neocities.org

POKEMON

courtesy of vijay

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pokeman

My favorite album of all time

I love music (this took me like an hour to make omg)

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(other than ANOTHER failed attempt at getting a job. What kinda employee does a fucking Taco Casa want???)

Music is honestly my entire life. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for music (and my friends, too!) and I just... It's such a comfort for me. I decided to talk about my most beloved album because why not? I don't rlly have anything else to talk about.

Hi there, it's been a few days since I posted an actual post, apologies. I never really know what to talk about because my life is ever-so-boring, so I'll just ramble about music.

Honey Bee Table at the Butterfly Feast- Teen Suicide

Where do I even start? This damn album is so comforting to me. It's so calming and every song on there is so fucking good. I'm currently listening to it right now.

(I will be giving my thoughts on my favorite songs from this album)

Death Wish

You Were My Star

This song is so UGHGGHAGHAG. WAHHH. It is SUCH a good intro to an album one of the best intros EVER. There are no lyrics but... it's so EMOTIONAL. It feels so uplifting and hopeful but longing for something at the same time. I literally cannot describe it at all you just have to listen to it yourself.

Ohhh my fucking god this is one of my favorites. You can feel the PAIN and ANGER in the chorus ITS SO FUCKING. Uuwgahh. I sob really hard to this song!1! I do not know why it's not their most popular song it's crazy. ALSO, THE WOMAN'S VOCALS IN THE SECOND CHORUS ARE??? SO PRETTY SOUNDING??? AND SOFT???

Get High, Breathe Underwater (#3)

Such a crisp-sounding song!! It's really nice :) (pretending that I don't violently break down to this song). The ending is so fucking ethereal and it feels unreal. Also har har its the third song in the album and the #3 in the name har har

Unwanted Houseguest

It reminds me so heavily of the song Orange County (no not Rex Orange County the song Orange County, it's from a youtube film called Wasteland it's actually like so fucking good it's kinda long but oh my god watching it is so worth it please watch it) and I just fucking love this song so much. The dogs barking, the guitar, the softness of the vocals, it's so comforting. I feel the lyrics so deeply too they are literally me.

Groceries

Oh my fucking god I love this fucking song this is my #1 song this is the song ever I love this fucking song this is the best song to bless this planet ever it's so fucking good. This song brings back so many memories of when I would have it on repeat last semester as soon as the album came out and it was so nice because I would always listen to it while scrolling through muttr and eating my lunch outside in the warm sun it's so comforting. I'm so happy that this song is a thing. This song saved me, man. It fills me with so much fucking hope and happiness I can't explain it. Every time this song comes on I feel better almost immediately it's my biggest comfort song

about me blurb

^_^

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HALCYON / BUTTONS

- it/he/they prns

- 21 yrs old

- very queer

- connoisseur of sharks, invader zim, and pokemon

doodle ✧✦

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✧✧✧

there wasnt a real inspiration to this per se, i just started doodling this grayscale person and then began to experiment with the text tool. my favorite part to draw was the black squiggles. the shading is choppy and inaccurate but hahaha

jspaint if u wanna use it (its like mspaint but not mspaint) :

https://jspaint.app/

doodle i made in jspaint. its messy but eh xp

HELP DONT JUDGE THE RUSTY CHINESE HAHAH WHEN U SUCK AT YOUR OWN HOME LANGUAGE/ARE DISTANT FROM YOUR OWN CULTURE.....fun times

✧✧✧

ok i made this post long for no reason. i could have just chucked the image in there and called it a day but nah

if you want to see my more polished art my ig is faegarden333 c:

guitar!!

yippee

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i got my 1st ever guitar lesson!!!

i've been teaching myself for about half a year, and today i met my 1st ever guitar teacher. he was really easy to talk to, which was good cuz i have a bit of social anxiety. he taught me a new chord and i practiced for the first time in a few weeks. i really love guitar, so i'm really excited for the next lessons ahead.

first post

:)

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no idea what this really is lol, but it seems fun, and i like trying out new places.

Music

Listening to: ANTONYMPH

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I think music heavily influences my mood to the point where I can send myself into a depressive episode if I listen to depressing music the entire day, which is a bit strange. I don't think that's normal


anyways, I have,,, playlists on my Spotify. If you guys want them.

https://open.spotify.com/user/yy05b0k0em16ew33f84nudkyh

CON LE VOLUE

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

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The book by Maurice Sendak,A gay man whom did amazing illustration and stories. Great love + story.

THE FILM:

what great emotions it tells for me, Im just in high school and the book when I first read it in preschool still is great in emotions, I love carol, hes what I am made of, KW is cool but the fear of being replaced and feeling unworthy, Ohh what a cry I tell each one of the wild things bring an emotion i still have, I am free here, The book and film are so great in reading and looking at, from 4 to 16, It still cares. I am olden with emotions that I been struck with years, now I think the world is broken, I am not, I love the WILD THINGS, I will be forgotten in 100 years but aleast I enjoy my life now.

a review on my favorite worst visual novel

another depressing tale, about siblings and revenge

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warning: this visual novel contains sex, rape, violence, blood, torture and incest. this review describes such scenes in (some) detail.

review also available on my neocities website (not readable on mobile)

entitled kikokugaior the cyber slayer, written by gen urobuchi (worked on titles like madoka magica, psycho pass, and fate series), who famously writes sad and depressing stories, and plublished by nitroplus, this novel is about revenge, crime, cyber warriors and martial arts. kong taoluo, martial arts master and former assassin in a high ranking society, returns to shanghai, after being assumed dead and being betrayed by the syndicate and his best friend. after finding out his sister was murdered, he sets out on murdering those who wronged his sibling.

it sounds really cool right? but i'll be honest with you - not really. however, i did find it entertaining, because let's be real, cyber punk shanghai with martial arts and transhumanism sounds pretty cool. but the story gets pretty ridiculous:

(tw: rape, torture)

the story starts out with a woman being raped. yeah, it starts just like that. it's not an extremely long scene, but it's unavoidable and literally the start of the story. i'm not kidding, when you open the first release version of the visual novel you get blasted with a sex scene in the face.

later you know that this woman is actually a robot. for a second you think - "oh, ok. it's very weird that someone programmed a robot to simulate a woman being raped, but, ok." then, you find out that this robot, actually has one of the 5 pieces of kong ruili's soul, the protagonist's sister, who was brutally murdered while being gang raped.

and these robots where made to recreate ruili's last moment's everyday, where they are constantly raped by their owners.

it doesnt end there: after killing 4 out 5 of ruili's murderers, the one left is liu haojun, ruili's ex-husband and kong taoluo's ex-best friend. and he tells us why he killed ruili:

because she wanted to! he says ruili asked for this, because she didn't really love liu haojun, she was actually in love with her brother. so, she thought that she was worthless and didn't deserve to live because of this, so she asked liu haojun to rape her and kill her, to separate her soul into different robots so she could relive her last moments of torture everyday.

then kong taoluo and liu haojun fight each other to death while ruili gathers the last piece of her soul, and becomes her "old self" again. (but she's a robot now) in the end, shows that kong taoluo died, but ruili got to him in time and moved his conciousness into hers, so they live together in a incestuous heaven inside her mind/brain/cpu.

personally, as a woman, i refuse to believe another woman asked, nay, begged to be raped by her husband. but maybe incestuous freaks are that dramatic, idk. but personally, i like to believe that liu haojun was just lying, and he killed her to torture her by not being in love with him. seems more plausible to me than... the final thing. so,

should you read kikokugai?

sincerely?, no, not really. if you're really interested, and can stomatch the ridiculous plot and the rape, maybe go for it. i'd only recommend it to people who are already into visual novels and would like to read something new. (although this story is so niche that only visual novel nerds will end up reading it) story starts really good and interesting, has a good momentum and interestingly written fight scenes, but the setting is extremely bleak and depressing that only few can stomach. the story drags a little towards the middle but picks up once you get to liu haojun. the soundtrack is really good tho.

why do i like kikokugai so much?

i have to be honest, it was just incredibly entertaining. read this one a while a go and it just stuck with me. i love reading stories that are bleak and depressing, and this does just that. it's bleak, traumatic, depressing, and i really love it. you can really feel and understand the pain of the protagonist - he lost everything, his friends, the society he lived in, his own family. it's painful, sincerely, i'd do the same for my sister too if i was in the same place. even if she was in love with me and that's weird as fuck. other than that, the characters are really captivating, specially ruili, to see her growing up extremely fast right in front of your eyes, to be able to become herself again, just so she can leave her trauma behind. i really loved the setting too.

it's a captivating story, but unfortunately, i think the main reason why i think i could be better is just the fact that liu haojun blamed his own wife for her death, that she asked for this, which to me, i really like to believe that he's just lying. but glad that after this gen urobuchi started hating women a little less.

read the yaoi manhwa that went "viral" on twitter

an extremely depressing story with an “interesting” art style

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warning: this manhwa contains sex, rape, abuse and violence. this review also describes such scenes in (some) detail.

finished reading everything that is out so far from the manhwa called "Trapped in the Dark" by Numu. this particular manhwa gathered a bit of attention from people because of this tweet, pointing out how... absurd the art style is. and i, who does enjoy a bit of hate reading And ridiculous yaoi, got really curious about it.

i was extremely curious to see such art style in the year of our lord 2023, and wondered if the art style also carried the same type of plot that would would see in mangas back in the day. and well, it sort of does. 

the story is about hae-on, a kpop idol who never made it big because of a gay dating scandal between a member of his group. but suddenly his career gets a fresh new start because of a secret new sponsor... while terrible things happen to him. he's being stalked, his house is broken in. suddenly, he gets a new manager, a "handsome", tall, broad man, with huge hands and huge dick. the guy makes him feel safe, they fall in love and the attacks towards hae-on stop happening. the guy even chases away hae-on's abusive ex-boyfriend. but... "suddenly"... his new boyfriend starts being abusive as well. 

it's revealed the guy with black hair (can't be bothered to remember his name, sorry) started by stalking him before his debut, installed cameras on his apartment (which the hae-on's ex boyfriend did too), made the him trust him by faking a house invasion, making him feel "safe" by start living with him. 

when they start dating, it gets worse. he rapes him, gaslights him, manipulates him, even goes so far to stab himself in public while hae-on was talking to another actor on set. 

season one ends with the protagonist wanting to break up with him due to all the abuse and being upset that his relationships are always abusive, and the guy beats the shit out of him. hae-on is unconscious. it's revealed that the boyfriend has been building a "basement", and the manhwa ends with hae-on unconscious, bleeding and being taken somewhere by his manager/stalker boyfriend.

so yeah. its not them being presented in a good light like junjou romantica, where rape and abuse is great and only strengthens the bond in a relationship, it's really just this twink being absolutely miserable and suffering in the hands of these men, specially his new boyfriend. it's just a depressing manhwa about a really awful and abusive relationship.

the art style is, of course, the most attention grabbing part of the manhwa. it really brings you back to the cheap 2000s bl with huge hands and huge dicks and awful anatomy all around. i sincerely have no idea if this was a deliberate choice by the artist or... not. because they're clearly talented, their shading is amazing, but the only real flaw in the art is the anatomy and proportions of the characters.

that being said, would i recommend it? hmmm... not really. only if you really, really want to read something extremely depressive and can stomach the art style. it's not  exactly super well written either, the story is just okay, and it went by pretty fast.. but so many bad things happen its just really depressing.

personally, i wouldn't even recommend hate reading it because its just really violent and the only parts that makes it funny are the style.

would i continue reading it? yeah, probably. like i said, i do enjoy reading bad yaoi, or yaoi that is just plainly ridiculous, just for the fun of it. but this one isn't that fun and really sad, but i do want to know how this all will end, if the guy somehow has a redemption arc, or if hae-on will be dead, or if his boyfriend will be dead, or they will both die. i really want to know for some reason. i actually want to read more...

also, towards the end, while the boyfriend has a bunch of psychotic break downs, it shows a bit of his past, that he was likely abused and/or has a severe mental disorder that made him like this. of all the options that was listed, i really hope he doesn't get a redemption arc or gets away (easily) with what he has done, because sincerely, it would be the most boring one of all.


music is love

music is life

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I really, really love guitar

thought dump

heeeeeee

• Composed on

hey guyz whats up?!?? quinn here. heee

i started a Neocities site like a year ago and it's coming together really well. I'd like 2 share it!! <--

also, i'm listening to music right now. i can't even begin to describe how amazing music is. i say this all the time , but it's beyond words how much i love it. no wonder it saves lives.

also, for some reason the 2 shades of green used in this box give me such a nice feeling, like a soothing nostalgia. I love it.

https://stickynotez.neocities.org

Fair warning - it's amateurish. I'm a beginner :V

Wil

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Another One Done

He isn't in FE Heroes,

So there's only low quality pixel art of him

Finally I have a transparent cut out of my boy

And basically a pokemon card of him

(which is what this is from)

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Figured out a hood way to cut out pictures

So now I'm probably going to go ham

Do as many as I can before I get tired of it

Tetris

Listening to: Scrawny (Wallows)

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new Tetris high score: 318637

There is something wrong

Listening to: Starstruck (The Scary Jokes)

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There is something terribly wrong with my body

Every time I get my period, it is excruciating. I end up having to stay in my room for almost the entire day so I don't bother anyone with my screams and groans of pain.

I get cramps so bad that it feels like my entire body is on fire, it feels like someone poured acid on me.

I gag and choke on my tears, and I become delirious.

I can't wait to be old enough to be rid of my uterus.